Day 34

So this morning I woke up around 6 something again, hoping to catch Jared... It seems that I just wake up around that time nowadays....
But anyways... so I layed in bed till the boys came in to bother me. Well not bother me, but I guess to get their shit, say good morning, and.... talk. I really cant remember.
I really cant remember the rest of the day at all except I FINALLY took a self portrait with my new camera.... yaaay... step one, done.
step two,... take shots of other people portrait wise.
Than got into a little argument about how I asked Brandon to throw the trash before he left the house... which he totally didnt,... and didnt do it till I yelled at him about it....
Anyways, after being irritated, I went off to my room and was texting a friend, who just broke up with his girl.... actually its the other way around.. but he is already looking for a new gf....
and that made me think of Derrick....

I broke up with him, and was over him rather quickly due to the fact that my mom was in the hospice [if you know what that is, yay for you] so that was stressing me out, and we fought all the time, and it just got boring.... yet... he has not yet found or gone out with another girl... its been like a year and a half...

So me and Derrick talked a lil.... of course we're just friends :]

Anyways,... Colorado is getting rather boring for me again... and again, im longing to go back to Cali more and more.... and more. And the fact that I dont really have a best friend here besides chip, who I argue with alot, is making it even more boring here....
and except the fact that Jared is here...
But really.... Im hella missing Juan.
I want my very very very own best friend again.... but someone who isnt going to fucking run off to gay mexico >.>
-sigh-
Makes me rather sad...
or if I had a chick friend of my own... that I can talk to, and she wont go and tell someone else....
Thats the thing,... between me and chip, I tell him something, he'll tell someone else... he tells me something, I'll probably tell who hes talking about... someone tells him something, he'll tell me...
I miss Jess too....

Anyways, I fell asleep while texting Derrick, and at some point of time Andrew just came in out of nowhere, and woke me up D<
lol but no, it kinda made me smile, cause he was saying something that I could join them out in the livingroom... and that I didnt have to lock myself up in my room all the time....
Thing is though... they are watching stupid sports.... or listening to their own music,... and have my computer... what is there for me to do out there? Nothing.

Anyways, so yea, I slept more...
and I ate alot...
I think Im falling back into my depression sate, eventhough I usually dont eat this much when Im depressed....
but today.... a k bar, another bar shit thing, couscose, rice, pork, cup of noodles, nachos, cereal, beagel, a piece of bread, a lil bit of chips, half a yogart [cause my dad used the other half for curry] 2 cookies, and I think one more thing, just cant remember.....
THATS MORE THAN i WOULD CONSUME IN A WEEK!!!
Now I look like a fat preggo >.>


anyways.... yea... idk what else to say...
but I really wanted to be productive in this blog. I always think of great things to talk about, but in the end I never remember.
Main thing is I have no control of whats going on with me right now....
I want my own fucking best friend who I can go shopping with, eventhough I honestly dont really like girls...

Day 34...
Bass still hasnt answered his phone
Franny is back to not messaging me,
and life is getting boring all over again.....
I hope to have a car soon,
and a shop
than i'd be a bit happier