I wanted to tell you a little story without trying to sound full of myself. It is [to me] a sad heart breaking story.
Im 20, 21 in september. I model every once in a while, but all for free, and have not done something big.
I have always wanted to be on America's Next Top Model but felt limited to size, attitude, personality, life style, and the strong futures of my face.
Though I'm 20 years old, I still act like a child. Ever since I was young, I've always been very quiet, I've always been shy about my body, and I've always been extremely sensitive. My mom would love to take pictures of me, and at the time I was so used to posing, that she'd take so many pictures a day, that I got so tired of the camera, I thought modeling would suck. I was about 5.
01/16/09 my mom passed away from breast cancer which had spread through out her body.
My mom was very fashionable, spent lots of time on her hair, and she always wanted to show me off, especially to her side of the family. I was living alone with my mom since I've been about 13, maybe younger. In the Philippines, the whiter your skin is, the better... Well thats what my mom always said. My mother always wore high heels, took forever fixing her hair, her make up; she was always about looking her best.
When she was younger, she wanted to be a model, but she was 5 foot, 1 inch? By the time she passed, she was 5 foot. When I said she would always wear high heels, I mean always. She wanted to be taller. On a long walk, in the house,... yea, everywhere. Well, when we lived in England, she wore alot of tennis shoes. She would spend alot of time shopping.
Once my parents broke up, I felt like I had to stay with my mom even though I got along better with my father. My 'uncle' moved in, and him and my mom were very close... He retired early, and he didnt get as much money as he thought he was. The money was going to go to the apartment that we lived in. We ended up having to move, but we didnt have much to live off of. Every once in a while, we slept in the car, or went to hotel room to hotel room... we even went and hoped from friends house to friends house. I was 13/14 years old, and still in middle school. I never told my dad because I wanted to stay with my dad... he was giving us money for child support. I can remember pouring a bowl of cereal, at my mom's friend's house, and cockroaches fell into the bowl. School was very tiring with all this running around.
We than moved into my aunt's house, and we lived in their 'built in closet' that they stored clothes, and random junk. It was a small room that was connected to the garage, and the livingroom. This is when my mom and I started having problems.
The room was very tiny, and we had a very tiny bed. It was alright sharing the bed. Even when my mom and dad lived together, my mom would come and sleep in my room, so I was already used to sharing the bed with her. But when it rained, we'd have to cover our stuff with plastic, because the rain would leak through,... and in the summer, the room was the hottest thing in the house. My aunt and uncle only allowed the AC on when they wanted it on, and half of the time it didnt even work... and fans just didnt cut it.
We even had little mice come into the house from our room. I can remember finding a mice that was slowly dying from the poison my uncle had put out for the rats... I took it outside, set out some food, and a little bit of water for the poor dying nice. haha. I have always loved animals so much.
After a while, we had moved to a bigger room since part of the family moved out. Before they moved I had two aunts living there, and two uncles, and three cousins. in addition to that, three more cousins would be there to be baby sat... and I had one more cousin that would go there, but most of the time, I would go to her house and baby sit here there.
I was not very happy there, and my expressions were very strong on my face, and my elder aunt and uncle didnt like that. It was considered very disrespectful. This is where my mom and I got into the most fights, mainly about being disrespectful, and my school grades.
During this time, my mom had a few heart problems, and a few times she was very close to dying. One of her heart values [or whatever its called] was not working properly, and so she got medication. The nurse for some reason, prescribed her medication way too strong for her, and twice, she almost died. I cant remember what age I was, but I think I must have been 15 or 16.
After that, my dad really wanted me to move in with him after he had seen where I was living, and I agreed... if my mom was allowed to move in too. We moved up to rancho benardo from Oceanside. It was where I went to elementry school at, and partly middle school. I wasnt very pleased with living there, but my boyfriend would drive 30 minutes every weekend, and even on the week days to come see me, so I was alright. But while living there, we found out my mom had a cyst. She had let it get so big, and than finally she went to get it looked at, and get it removed. I can remember I was taking a nap in my boyfriends house, and I got the call, that underneath the cyst, was cancer. Since she had let it go for so long, she had to get surgery, and get her breast removed.
My mom had always just sat in the room and done nothing but read before, but now it happened alot more now that she couldnt really work with having to go through chemotherapy and work properly at work. I thought if I treated my mom like she didnt have cancer, she would think less and less of it, and think positive... That didnt really work. My mom dint go swimming often, since she had gotten overweight, and she had one breast. She no longer picked up the camera, no longer video taped, and she wasnt very lively. After a while of having cancer, she got a slipped disk. She couldnt get surgery on it while having her chemotherapy, so this whole time she was suffering through all this pain in her back, sometimes couldnt get out of bed. She was always in so much pain.
There was times where we got into huge arguments, where we would say very negative things, sometimes even push and shove. Thats when I found out I had a sister and brother. They were from a different father that my dad didnt really know about. This was back when she lived in the Philippines though. My sister had been living in the US but only decided to make an appearance when she found out my mom had cancer. We than ended up moving go an apartment across the street from my school, and than my mom, I and my boyfriend moved into a new apartment, and I graduated high school. My mom's cancer had gone away, which we were really excited about. My mom was growing her hair back, and she was becoming more alive. She was taking chemotherapy which allowed her hair to grow, and didnt drain her so much. We were getting close together again. After a while, we couldnt afford to live there on our own. She moved back in with my aunt, and I lived with my boyfriend. I couldnt stand his parents, and my mom was doing better, so I went to move in with my dad for a while and by the time I came back, my mom had gotten cancer again, and it was alot worse. I ended up moving into my aunt's... but this time they were renting the house out to us [illegally.. the house was not paid for... or something like that] They were staying at their son's house.
This time, we were not allowed to use hot water, because one, it took up money, and two, it was somewhat broken. But if I knew they wouldnt be visiting the house for a few days, I would go and turn the hot water. [and some how, they would always find out] But my mom got really sick from not being able to use the heater itself, and the hot water. I would usually go and take a shower at my boyfriend's house. Alot of the times, my boyfriend would take my mom to her chemotherapy, or drive her around places.
I was getting so stressed from having to take care of my mom so much at the age 18. I had to take care of myself, and her. She had to take so much medication by this time. I can remember waking up at 3 in the morning to bring my mom her medication. At this time, I dont know why, but I was always sleeping in the living room. I came home one day from work I suppose, and Derrick told me that he had taken my mom to the doctors, which lead to her being taken to the emergency, which than lead her to be taken to the Hospic.... A place for expected dying people.
My dad came down, and almost my mom's whole family came to see her, except her son, and her parents, which were in the Philippines... and my grandmother on my dad's side didnt come down [from what I can remember] which was kinda disappointing. After a while, I had broken up with my boyfriend, and moved in with an old friend because my aunt and uncle wouldnt let me live at the house for free, and it was my mom's and dad's retirement that we were living off of, so they kicked me out while my mom was in the hospice. Me and my friend started dating soon after.
My mom was doing bad,... She didnt know who I was at time, or couldnt really speak, couldnt sit up. She was doing so bad, that we had to have a meeting to get me ready for her possible death. They said that she was doing so bad, that they couldnt continue the chemotherapy because that would just maker her more weak, that she could possibly just die from the chemotherapy. It was all happening so quick, and I had asked for my grandparent's church to pray for her, and for my friends to pray for her, and for their church to pray for her... and than one morning, I came in, and she was perfectly fine. She was talking she was doing so great. She was doing so well, that the doctors said that she could actually go home. My mom and dad set off their differences, and agreed to get re-married as soon as my mom was all better.... Unfortunately, just a few days later she was just as bad as before... This whole thing was very hard, trying to spend most of my time in that room, and trying to work at the same time. By this time, I did have my own car, but I did not have a license. After a while my mom couldnt afford to stay at that hospice, and she was moved to a different one... It was a very busy place, she had a small room, and it was a very smelly place, but good thing was, some of the nurses were Filipino, so she had people to talk to when I was not there. But she got worse and worse, and one day, the doctor there called me in. That day I spent the whole day there... 12, till about 11pm That day, my mom couldnt really speak, couldnt stand, and couldnt really keep her eyes open.I remember by the time it was time for me to go, she was begging me, and begging me, pulling on my clothes, really not wanting me to go. She asked for me not to go, pleading and really wanting me to stay, like in her mind it clicked that something was going to happen, because she made no sense all day long.
The next day I came in with my boyfriend, and stayed with her. Her body was trying to breath, but she wouldnt wake. It was like when someone is crying really hard, your chest moves really fast, and calms down, and moves fast, and calms down.... I called Derrick, my ex [that I had been with for over 2 years] and it took him a while to get here, so my bf and I sat outside, and waited, and when he came, we walked into the room, and they said my mom passed away 20 seconds before I had entered the room. I was sad on many levels... and when the thought came in that I didnt get to hold my mom's hand before her last breath had me crying pretty hard.
My mom's friend and I organized the funeral, but of course I had to make all of the depositions. Most of my family was upset that I didnt have an open casket funeral, and that it was disrespectful to the Filipino culture, but I knew at how much my mom took care of hserself, and how much she cared about her appearances, and the fact that she wanted to be cremated andyways....
Before my mom died, a few months back, my mom would always ask me to take her to the beach... and I never did, and I hate myself for that. When I think of it now, she would have been so happy to sit at the beach and just listen to the kids laugh, and to the ocean... she would run into the water, and because she was dying, she didnt care who was staring at her, but I did... and I'm ashamed of the way that she would be all wild and such.... But I should have taken every time she asked... A wish before she died...
And while she was at the better hospic, my sister brought in her new son... so atleast my mom got to see a grandchild, even if it was of a child that she wasnt close to.
After my mom passed away, I found out that my bf was cheating on me with about 7 other girls, so I ended up moving to my grandparent's house... During that time, I was having so much fun, and I had great friends, I had no worries, and I was also volunteering at a nursing center where my grandma worked at. The only problems I had was my grandpa didnt really like me staying there. Turlock [the town I lived in] was where I had been the happiest for a long long time, and they booted me out to go live with my dad in Colorado... In Turlock, I had been dating a boy, who I was sooo badly inlove with. I had never met anyone like him. I still think about him to this day,... which is over a year ago. We were friends, and sometimes I get jealous when I think about him and his new gf who is pregnant. I was the one who broke up with him under something confusing.
Now I live in Denver, CO with my dad. I had been with another boy, I had moved back to California for a short time... a boy seemed like he was so inlove with me, but behind my back, he was dating his ex... with me living in his house. His mom kicked me out of the house because she thought I was ignoring her about my cat scratching the carpet.... well it was her fault for locking my cat up in the room 24/7
But once I got back to colorado, a few weeks after, he just stopped talking to me out of nowhere, just 'what restaurant are you at?' and that was it...
Now dating a new boy, who I like alot.... Ever since I found out my mom got cancer, I have had such a bad attitude, been depressed alot, and it causes lots of problems. Right now everything is perfectly fine, except the fact that I think about my mom all the time, and I miss the past, with her, and with my friends... My boyfriend puts up with all my anger that is always built up, and all the depression. Sad thing is, he is on parole... He used to do, and sell drugs, and got set up and sold to a cop one day. He did a year in jail, but he is doing much better now.... He has not done any drugs since than... He got out of jail about 5 months ago, and we found each other online... well I found him like two days after he got out of jail. He is super nice, and always wants to see me, and spends most of his time talking to me, texting me, or spending his days with me.
Like I said, I model, but nothing too big. Sometimes I spend too much time trying to edit my face on photoshop, and I can take so many pictures, and only even 'like' a few of them. I dont like anything about my face, except my eyes, and dont like my body.... My mom always wanted to be a model, and always wanted me to be a model... and when there are pictures that I really like, I wish I could show my mom. I used to model runway when I was little, and she was always happy about that... I think if she saw atleast some of my pictures, she'd be proud about those.
Well, thats my life story.
Thanks,
Krystalle Wetzlich
Wednesday, July 28, 2010
bigg topp circuits
Im just posting this for kicks and giggles.... just to see if I could post it enough to win shit
Tuesday, July 27, 2010
Potato patato
well finally my ex faience is dating again....
this potato girl,.... a punk that I used to go to school with.
its been 2 years....
Im happy for him
this potato girl,.... a punk that I used to go to school with.
its been 2 years....
Im happy for him
Sunday, July 25, 2010
Dear Mom
I wish I could kill myself right now..... Im taking up too much space in this world.... and I dont even want to be here at all..... I want to be alive!!! I cannot be happy, NO ONE CAN MAKE ME HAPPY!!! No one.... I hate myself, and I hate e veryone else.....
I want to be dead.... but if I killed myself... I wouldnt see my mom when I dye in heaven.... if im even going to heaven.
I want to be dead.... but if I killed myself... I wouldnt see my mom when I dye in heaven.... if im even going to heaven.
Tuesday, July 20, 2010
Happy Birthday To Me
I was gonna write what I wanted for my birthday, which I still might do,... but Im gonna write a non realistic thing I want for my bday....
Jared and I were talking about if we moved in with each other, who would cook dinner...
And that reminded me of back in the past.. and well, partly now...
I always worried about my grandparents or dad about dinner time, or spending time with them...
But when I move, I wont have to worry about that. I mean, there will be plenty of days I'll go just to hang out with my dad and such, but back then, I was having so much fun, I never ate dinner.... I ate it 3 in the morning when I came home.
Sometimes I wonder where I went.... why was I so happy then, but not now? I'll just get irritated at Jared with the smallest thing, but maybe im not irritated at him. Maybe I just have so much sadness stuck inside of me that it needs to 'find a reason' to get out...
I feel like I could write about this topic over and over, and I STILL wont get it...
I feel less stressed when I type about things...
But sometimes I could type and type and type... and I'll still be sad.
Sure I had all my friends to make me feel loved, and happy, and get my mind off of things... Sure they were the greatest people I've ever met.... But is that the real reason why I was happy? Maybe, just maybe....
Maybe I miss them,... or maybe I miss myself. I feel loved now, so why dont I feel happy now? Maybe its the fact that I felt like I had a family... that I dont have now. Its not that I lost them,... its that I moved, and I've lost contact with them. My brother is still my best friend, but he is hardly online... and he moved to Mexico, so I can no longer see him in Turlock.
What I want for my birthday is to be back with the crew,... to have them all close to me... [with a job this time tho]
For my birthday, I wish to be happy all the time... I was so happy back then,... I had no huge dreams, because I was living the dream.
I didnt care for modeling, I didnt care about my looks.... I hardly cared about my weight even though I did exercise alot,... The only thing that was bringing me down was my grandpa, and bills, but I didnt seem to have a huge problem paying those off. I never had to pay for anything to have fun.... And when I felt like the crew was getting tired of me, and I'd skip a day of hanging out.... I got called over for breakfast, or to meet someone's family...
It's been a year since I've moved to Colorado.... and they are all still on my mind everyday...
Or,... am I on my mind? Am I really thinking about me, instead of them? Am I thinking about how happy I was?
Dinner..... who had time to think about dinner back than?
Jared and I were talking about if we moved in with each other, who would cook dinner...
And that reminded me of back in the past.. and well, partly now...
I always worried about my grandparents or dad about dinner time, or spending time with them...
But when I move, I wont have to worry about that. I mean, there will be plenty of days I'll go just to hang out with my dad and such, but back then, I was having so much fun, I never ate dinner.... I ate it 3 in the morning when I came home.
Sometimes I wonder where I went.... why was I so happy then, but not now? I'll just get irritated at Jared with the smallest thing, but maybe im not irritated at him. Maybe I just have so much sadness stuck inside of me that it needs to 'find a reason' to get out...
I feel like I could write about this topic over and over, and I STILL wont get it...
I feel less stressed when I type about things...
But sometimes I could type and type and type... and I'll still be sad.
Sure I had all my friends to make me feel loved, and happy, and get my mind off of things... Sure they were the greatest people I've ever met.... But is that the real reason why I was happy? Maybe, just maybe....
Maybe I miss them,... or maybe I miss myself. I feel loved now, so why dont I feel happy now? Maybe its the fact that I felt like I had a family... that I dont have now. Its not that I lost them,... its that I moved, and I've lost contact with them. My brother is still my best friend, but he is hardly online... and he moved to Mexico, so I can no longer see him in Turlock.
What I want for my birthday is to be back with the crew,... to have them all close to me... [with a job this time tho]
For my birthday, I wish to be happy all the time... I was so happy back then,... I had no huge dreams, because I was living the dream.
I didnt care for modeling, I didnt care about my looks.... I hardly cared about my weight even though I did exercise alot,... The only thing that was bringing me down was my grandpa, and bills, but I didnt seem to have a huge problem paying those off. I never had to pay for anything to have fun.... And when I felt like the crew was getting tired of me, and I'd skip a day of hanging out.... I got called over for breakfast, or to meet someone's family...
It's been a year since I've moved to Colorado.... and they are all still on my mind everyday...
Or,... am I on my mind? Am I really thinking about me, instead of them? Am I thinking about how happy I was?
Dinner..... who had time to think about dinner back than?
Monday, July 19, 2010
To be wanted
So the other day I told a friend that I wish he could have came to this event...
and he said 'nah... I had so much fun on friday'
o.O wow... ok... at least you can say 'ya me too, [but] I had lots of fun on friday'
To tell someone you'd rather not be with them who just told you 'I wish you were there' is slightly... well, rude....
One, for someone to even WISH they were hanging out with you should be a honor... To even have friends is an honor...
I've told people before that I wish they were here with me.... and even if they would rather be some place else... well, atleast you could say 'me too' is that so hard?
I mean, does no one care if your hurting someone's feelings?
I mean... really? even if you'd rather be with your family, or out at a party.... if there is no part of you what so ever that wants to see a friend or a lover.... than why be friends with that person? if not now, than when?
and he said 'nah... I had so much fun on friday'
o.O wow... ok... at least you can say 'ya me too, [but] I had lots of fun on friday'
To tell someone you'd rather not be with them who just told you 'I wish you were there' is slightly... well, rude....
One, for someone to even WISH they were hanging out with you should be a honor... To even have friends is an honor...
I've told people before that I wish they were here with me.... and even if they would rather be some place else... well, atleast you could say 'me too' is that so hard?
I mean, does no one care if your hurting someone's feelings?
I mean... really? even if you'd rather be with your family, or out at a party.... if there is no part of you what so ever that wants to see a friend or a lover.... than why be friends with that person? if not now, than when?
2x1 is still Just 2
While I was laying down the other day with my boy while he was sleeping, a thought came into my mind about my ex...
One day he asked if I could be in a relationship with him and his new gf... Which I was rather flattered by... For me, out of all his ex's that he asked.... and trust me, he had a lot of exs....
It was one of those times that I came down to visit Turlock that he asked me....
It was right before he left to see his gf for the first time. [yes he met her online]
It was on his birthday [Im pretty sure]
I think I gave him the most retarded gift ever.
And than later on down the road, she messaged me saying I messed everything up....
They had been fighting about me.... o.O which was weird,... I hadnt talked to Ronnie in a long time. He pretty much ignored me since he got with her... Which was alright.
I could understand. Last time he had a new gf.... well I guess Ronnie still liked me, and I was the whole reason why they broke up.
And thats all nice to know that he still cared.... And of course I'll always still love him in some way....
But now Im dating Jared Johnson... and he makes me smile a whole heck of alot.... :]
And when I was thinking about all of this, I started to think about my friend Abby...
She was in a two way relationship with another girl and another guy... she was in it for the girl...
And they used her...
Thats how relationships usually go in a two way relationship.
IF I would have gone with Ronnie.... eventually he would have decided to get married, and to have kids... Moon stated on her vf that she never wants to have kids.. and now she's preggo.
So Ronnie could have chosen me,... [and idk what her situation is] But I have the money to take care of a child, to have a home, to do this, and that... But I wouldnt have had a child before getting married... so he would have probably chosen her for that matter....
So in that case.... Ronnie and Moon would have gotten married, and had kids....
and I would be the 3rd wheel...
And as that was going on, I probably wouldnt be happy...
So in this moment, me and Ronnie would be out doing stuff, since Moon would be stuck at home being preggo....
Jared would probably be doing something else...
And once Moon had her child, Ronnie would be spending all his time with her, and all my hard work would be going down the drain...
And Jared would probably be with another girl right now...
And I would be feeling alone.
I wouldnt have had a child with Ronnie as he was with some girl with a child already....
So if I HAD gone with Ronnie.... I would have wasted my whole life, and I would have never met Jared....
One day he asked if I could be in a relationship with him and his new gf... Which I was rather flattered by... For me, out of all his ex's that he asked.... and trust me, he had a lot of exs....
It was one of those times that I came down to visit Turlock that he asked me....
It was right before he left to see his gf for the first time. [yes he met her online]
It was on his birthday [Im pretty sure]
I think I gave him the most retarded gift ever.
And than later on down the road, she messaged me saying I messed everything up....
They had been fighting about me.... o.O which was weird,... I hadnt talked to Ronnie in a long time. He pretty much ignored me since he got with her... Which was alright.
I could understand. Last time he had a new gf.... well I guess Ronnie still liked me, and I was the whole reason why they broke up.
And thats all nice to know that he still cared.... And of course I'll always still love him in some way....
But now Im dating Jared Johnson... and he makes me smile a whole heck of alot.... :]
And when I was thinking about all of this, I started to think about my friend Abby...
She was in a two way relationship with another girl and another guy... she was in it for the girl...
And they used her...
Thats how relationships usually go in a two way relationship.
IF I would have gone with Ronnie.... eventually he would have decided to get married, and to have kids... Moon stated on her vf that she never wants to have kids.. and now she's preggo.
So Ronnie could have chosen me,... [and idk what her situation is] But I have the money to take care of a child, to have a home, to do this, and that... But I wouldnt have had a child before getting married... so he would have probably chosen her for that matter....
So in that case.... Ronnie and Moon would have gotten married, and had kids....
and I would be the 3rd wheel...
And as that was going on, I probably wouldnt be happy...
So in this moment, me and Ronnie would be out doing stuff, since Moon would be stuck at home being preggo....
Jared would probably be doing something else...
And once Moon had her child, Ronnie would be spending all his time with her, and all my hard work would be going down the drain...
And Jared would probably be with another girl right now...
And I would be feeling alone.
I wouldnt have had a child with Ronnie as he was with some girl with a child already....
So if I HAD gone with Ronnie.... I would have wasted my whole life, and I would have never met Jared....
Wednesday, July 14, 2010
Days of Days
Yesterday was interesting and kinda cute....
And I thank my bf for that....
We went to the state park which was kinda boring but kinda nice...
I still miss the beach though.
And than we drove around forever looking for hotels for global...
that sucked.
I so need a job.... Im tired of Jared paying for everything. makes me feel bad
And than we went out to eat... which reminds me.... FOOD!!
I should go eat now.
After that we went to another park and played with piper....
THAN!!!!
We went to this pond.....
and there are huge ass tadpoles...
omg, they are huge.
and there were huge frogs!!!
Me and Jared want some as pets :]
but I have no room for some....
so maybe we should find a pond that has smaller frogs and tadpoles...
but where, idk...
but idk if my dad would even let me have a cage in the house when I cant even keep my own room clean....
Plus I dont have money for a cage or food, so I guess I'll have to pass on this.
oh well =[
And I thank my bf for that....
We went to the state park which was kinda boring but kinda nice...
I still miss the beach though.
And than we drove around forever looking for hotels for global...
that sucked.
I so need a job.... Im tired of Jared paying for everything. makes me feel bad
And than we went out to eat... which reminds me.... FOOD!!
I should go eat now.
After that we went to another park and played with piper....
THAN!!!!
We went to this pond.....
and there are huge ass tadpoles...
omg, they are huge.
and there were huge frogs!!!
Me and Jared want some as pets :]
but I have no room for some....
so maybe we should find a pond that has smaller frogs and tadpoles...
but where, idk...
but idk if my dad would even let me have a cage in the house when I cant even keep my own room clean....
Plus I dont have money for a cage or food, so I guess I'll have to pass on this.
oh well =[
Friday, July 9, 2010
SCA
Day 1
ok, like a week ago I left to go to an SCA event....
it was a long drive there, and I was texting Jared untill I lost service.... and well he was busy working on the road....
so I clung onto his pillow and fell asleep.
I wasnt too excited about the trip at all.... infact, I only wanted to go to keep my dad company, and to paint....
Well we got there, and the first thing I noticed was a group of guys,... and girls, looking to be around my age.
I thought it would have been cool to atleast be somewhat friends.
And the boy with white hair reminded me of this one gay kid in Turlock, he is such a sweet heart! I loved him... forgot his name though. But anyways, so we drove past them, and I got introduced to a few of my dad's old friends.
Anyways, we found camp of by some of our friends.... I dont even want to bother with names. All I know is 'Al and Penny' and 'Key' or whatever her name is... the rest are just.... well I dont talk to them, so I guess thats why I cant remember their names.
We started setting up camp, and it was funny, because in the SCA people are really big about helping others.... well guess what? No one fucking helped us till the very fucking end.... How nice... >.>
from then on, I cant even remember... I think I sat there painting..... oh! than we went out for a walk.... like the whole crew. Or house hold I should say... well, we're more part of Duke albert's house hold than the rest, but whatever. [duke albert is Al] I was still in my shorts, and tenni shoes [sp] and than... whats her face, that teacher lady who hates kids was all like 'spt... Krystalle [its Bridget!!] your missing your bottom half'
And than that one lady with the white hair, shes like super pretty for her age, anyways... she and key were all like 'nooo! keep your shorts on, you have super nice legs, if I had legs like yours I'd be showing them off all the time... dude, my leg is about the size of your HIPS!'
I was just like 'oh... my.... god.... im like sooo insecure of my legs its not even funny... and I even pick at them till they bleed often' only I didnt say it out loud, actually I didnt say anything at all... I hate when people tell me how pretty I am... cause really, Im not lol. I dont model cause I think im pretty, I model cause I like making art out of pictures... not making a person pretty by a picture
after a while, my dad and I decided to go to the car, which is quite a walk.... so we got there, and the boys I saw were sitting out there... They were incharge of parking,.. and such.
So on the way out, one of the boys yelled out something like 'if your ever bored, come to the parking, we're made of fun and we're always bored' than my dad yelled something like 'lets party' or something.....
o.O why are these guys yelling? Im right here... Im not deaf.... Im just ignoring you >.>
Than I got stuck being introduced to my dad's friend again.... I think it was the same one I met when I first got in when we were paying....
So I stood there watching the boys... No, Im not a stalker.... I just watch people... havnt you realized? Goths sit back and watch alot especially in the dark... and it was dark....
xD j/k j/k im not THAT creepy.
anyways.... what, we went back to camp and we... ate.... junk food. yay.
and than I think I called Jared, which was awesome, cause my dad's phone had service....
and than yea, I think I went to bed early.
Day 2
next morning I got up around 7... I cant even remember that day clearly. Yay for memory problems. But I could have sworn I got ready for the day, and saw Amanda talking with people around the camp area....
[ok, this part is gonna jump around sooo much]
anyways, I got ready, and sat around doing nothing, maybe painted...
and than I saw one of the parkinglot boys walk past my tent, like,.... a million times... Only I couldnt really tell if it was him. Just seemed like it.
Than my dad got ready for war... the maylays... or however you spell it.
So I went out there to take mucho pictures.... and some guy decided he wanted to walk right infront of me while I was trying to take pictures....
And he stepped on a cactus xDD ha, bitch.
But it was rather interesting.... but once my dad was done after a few hours we just sat and rested, and went back to camp
But than I went for a walk with my dad again, probably heading down to merchant's row and yet again, we saw the boy... and I think he yelled out the fact that we keep seeing each other. Again with the yelling. Or maybe that was when we were filling our shower with water... yes, a bag shower for camping.
ok, so..... I think that day I ended up buying clothes..... :D yaay
and the guy we were buying from said he'd sell us wholesales for my store once I friggen get it open.... which i hope is soon....
Than I think it was finally night time.... and the Pirate party was going on. So my dad and I,... and the rest of the people got together and headed down that way... Key and my dad and I stood around talking, and I think Amanda was there too.... only I dont think I actually realized she was there till Key was talking about these guys walking around without shirts on... yes, it was like they were a werewolf pack from twilight..... only some of them were light skinned. She said that one was hot, but he looked super young... I dont think he was as young as she said he was... Asian guys just look so much more younger than they really are.
anyways, so my dad met up with a friend.... it was rather disturbing... o.O my dad said something like 'hey, you better not lay a finger on her' and than he like.... idk,... I dont even want to remember. all I know was I got hella disgusted, and turned to Amanda, and said that we should walk away, and fast. There is a reason why I feel all grossed out when guys even just put a hand on my shoulder... well, unless I like them, but yea.
So than Key decided she was gonna force us to dance... and trust me, I didnt want to dance... but I probably looked more of a fool trying to run away and saying 'no no nono no' over and over than I did when I was actually dancing.... so me and Amanda decided to go into the dancing pit around the fire.... than I decided I wanted to get rid of my coat, and get my gypsy belt.... and I think thats when I saw the boys again....
No, wait, got that mixed up. I left BEFORE I met up with the creepy guy that was friends with my dad.... Yea. I left to go put my coat away, and ended up walking past the boys, and thats when one of them yelled out 'nice hat' and I stared at him, and the cannons went off, and he pretended to have gotten shot... o.O <--- the exact look I had...
and I told him to stop stalking me, and I walked off....
[man this is all out of order....]
anyways! at some point of time Key was talking about that dude, and than I went off talking about my stalker.... that I kept seeing. Than my dad said how he thought he was flirting with me... and when we were talking about him, he kept walking infront of us, like over and over....
ok, anyways! every time I passed him while he was with a crowd he kept yelling out how I was stalking him, and his friends were backing him up..... but oh well.... Me and Amanda went back and started dancing again....
after a while, lol she said she wanted to meet some guys. Yes, thats what the SCA does to you.... gotta party and get drunk. :] Just no drugs
anyways, so I saw that boy, which he said his name was Issac earlier.... I think like one of the times I passed him. that night was super confusing sorry.
anyways... so I walked up to him with Amanda... and said that she needed a guy for the night....so we just stood there chatting for a while till we met up with his other friend, Clouse....
what a cute couple they would have been. so we found Jack sparrow at the pirate party... of course... and I than yelled at him asking him to give amanda a kiss, but RIGHT BEFORE I said 'could you give amanda a kiss' she attacked me, covering my mouth lol. I might have screamed,.... maybe lol. [note, I cant really scream]
anyways, we ended up walking all over the place, and everyone decided to tease me with my fear of shit in the dark.
We walked to like,.... nowhere, and than back to the party, than over to Amanda's camp... her parents were gone for the night. I was gonna sleep over, but I wanted to send Jared a few texts, and I didnt want to bother my dad....
but we all sat around Amanda's camp cracking jokes and being stupid....
Than I headed back for camp.... my dad didnt even realize I had gotten in till about 5? and I got there around 3? or 2?
anyways, it was friggen windy as all hell... couldnt sleep one bit. I pretty much laied there all night long just... staring, and wondering what was going on with the dreads I was making [which I finally just finished btw] and wondered if they had all blown away yet... they were all tied up on my tri-pod....
but than my dad woke up, and told me to go get them.... ugh... sooo didnt want to get out of bed, and guess what? They just fell over, nothing more, nothing less.
anyways, I finally fell asleep around 7 and woke up at 8
Day 3
Ok, so I finally got out of bed and my stomach was hurting like, mucho ness.... and I had realized that the guy gave me a child's size skirt.... well, I had the skirt and a kids top... but didnt realize I had a kids top just yet... so Amanda came over, and we went down to the merchant's row again, and I returned it for a scarf, that I turned into a top....
I cant remember that day at all to save my life....
Amanda went over to Al & penny's place, I took a nap, called Jared... was all irritated cause, well, I wanted him at the event than at home.... cause I hated being alone, and he took it as I didnt want him seeing his family, so we were kinda in a fight,.... I guess,... and the fact that my car was broken, and that Rob was at my house.... I didnt want other unknown guests at my house..... and I hated being alone, and bored.....
anyways I think my dad left that day. After a while, Amanda's friend came over, and I showed him the heavy armor fighters at the maylays cause Amanda was feeling sick again.... but afterwards we came back, and I stayed in my tent again alone.....
Than I kept seeing Issac but I guess he was too busy to chill... Oh, I think Amanda changed her name that day for her SCA name... Amice De Claira Her parents were there that day, so we chilled with them for a while.... Her dad told me there were kids catching tiger salamanders o.O omg........... but thats ok, I was gonna buy one, but decided not to.... they do build up a character like a dog or cat would, but I thought they looked a little too scary for me.
Than Amanda and I headed up the hill... and there is this path between where a pond used to be, and a hill that goes down to nothing... but on this path we found the boys fencing... so we stopped and talked to them, since that was the path to my tent.... so we stood there talking. it was rather interesting.
We kept running into them, just like amanda and I kept running into Newt [I used to live with him when I first moved out to colorado]
So Im just gonna skip to the night cause I cant remember anything else. But yea, that night was the toga party... o.o scary?
Not really, there was not alot of people there. But yea, Amanda and I met up with the boys again.... omg, was too funny. they had a chariots race!! but with humans. Guess who were the ones racing? Issac and Dylan? Albion boy! whatever his name is. anyways.... yes, albino boy. no really,... like his eyelashes are white.... Nothing to make fun of... and supposedly he is blind, but I highly dought that... maybe just a little he says he could feel all the vibrations....
anyways, the race was off!!! and Issac fell.... dramatically.... haha... and than when Dylan turned the corner, he tipped on of the torches down... the girl on the chariot got off to put it back up so we wouldnt burn the whole area down, than ran and 'jumped' back onto the chariot... and BROKE IT!!! or was that Issac's driver? anyways, one of them finished, and the other one had to carry the girl on their back. it was hella funny....
than they went off looking for me and amanda and clouse..... it was funny watching them try to find us.
Afterwards, I think Dylan and Issac kiddnapped me so that amanda and clouse could be alone... Issac wanted them to have a -cough cough- romantic time with each other without us there.... but after a while they found us lol
So we walked off to the river that Amanda and I found earlier that day, [cause she felt like she was gonna die from the heat... so we had sat there earlier that day playing in the water while I was trying to kill a spider] and we all just sat around... and everyone was poking me cause it was sooo funny to watch me freak at night >.> than we all played truth or dare, and made up silly rules just so we could get around to daring clouse and amanda to kiss.... it was all too funny watching her freak, but in a way, it was weird, cause me and Issac wanted them to soo bad cause they never really had a cute romantic kiss before...
Issac wanted it for clouse, and I want Amanda to not have to say 'ive never kissed a boy' cause,... idk... cause she's pretty and deserves a kiss
Dylan ended up getting totally butt ass naked.... and my god, he is white.... lol but like everyone was covering my eyes cause im not allowed to look cause I have a bf lol but Dylon had to go into the river, I think, cant remember. it was funny though. Cause everyone was saying the sun came out when he took his shirt off... hes that white xD
anyways, that night was a windy night, but we all stayed up all night long till about 5 or something... I went to my tent, and Amanda went home for the night... . like to her real house,... cause its only like 30 mins away.
I called Jared at like 5, kinda crying... I missed him way too much and wanted to be with him than being at the SCA event
day 4
I woke up and called Jared again, and,.... idk, painted, sat around and than my dad came back around 2.... I probably took another nap, or something....
Oh, I walked around by myself shopping for stuff for Jared ^-^ I got him a shark tooth necklace cause he lost one when he was younger,... and I got him this interesting bracelet.... and I got these stupid earings that this lady said I didnt need to gage out my ears for... but I did... ugh. 16 to 12s I think? or 18s to 16s....
anyways, my dad came home, and went off to war... and me and Amanda went out to watch just for a lil,... than we came back and found Dlyan and clouse at the fencing area.... so we sat there for a good while and chatted.... and after a few hours of just sitting around we decided to go to our camp sites.... I had no clue where my dad was... but I just sat there for a good while, than I found Dylan walking back to his tent, so I talked to him for a bit, and than we both went over to their camp place since it was right next to mine sorta.... and we met up with clouse again... and he wanted to go get amanda, but she didnt want to walk around anymore, so I went off with Issac, clouse and albino boy to get food.... only, I wasnt in a good mood..... so I didnt reallly think they were funny at the time, pluse they were talking about doing each other's moms.... thats just gross, even if its a joke.... I hate mom jokes.... like, alot.... so we sat there, than I just kinda left them, but met up with duke albert than met up with my dad.... I was SUPPOSED to go to my tent and sleep, but I just kept running into people....
than my dad and I walked around, and I found out about the free fest,.... than he got stuck with helping some guy with something,... which would have been way too heavy for me,... so I just walked off.... and I think me and amanda chatted again, walked around, than she found out that she had to leave.... bummer.
so after that I went to go look for my dad and couldnt find him ANYWHERE during the feast.... he was hiding with his friends behind a tent where there was shade... ugh. no food for me... yet again.
after that I went and slept for a while, than went back down and found Issac as a guard during the court that was going on.... he was with his knight... which got me really confused... he is SUPER young to have a knight.... [to have a knight means to have someone teach you all there is to know about BEING a knight]
and when you have a knight, you get a RED belt... he was happy he got a black belt... o.O everyone gets a black belt... its not a specialty.... when you get a knight, you get a red belt... No offense but I think they are screwing with your head.
but yea, than we all smelt a STRONG sent of weed..... so they sent people to go look for them.... especially since the sheriffs were there.... idk why.
anyways, so Issac told me to go tell Clouse that Amanda left, cause he wanted to hang with her that night, since he was offered to guard, but he said he had something planned with 'a special girl' of course when I did go off and tell him, he just shrugged it off... as any 'tough' guy would. was kinda funny.
And than their friend that is like always surrounded by chicks kept staring at me.... so I finally gave in, and looked back at him and gave him a smile.... >.> oh god Krystalle, why? so he than started talking to me, saying how boring court is... well duuuuhhh!! who likes court? the only fun thing about it is if you have funny people up there, or yelling out 'hazza!' why do the people at the rennifair yell it out? idk, cause its not period....
anyways,.... so he than started asking stuff like how long have I been in the SCA and do I like it.... I finally spotted my dad and was like 'yea, well.... Im only at court cause im looking for my dad... bye' I mean ew.... he was somewhat attractive, but I think he must have had like 10 one night stands in the past 4 nights....
anyways, so I went off and sat with my dad.... and than we talked with his friends after court was over.... afterwards we went off to our camp than back down cause there was a idian [like the gypsy idians] party going on, and we sat around watching people dance... and I saw Issac,.... but my interacting night was over.... I didnt feel like talking to anyone. I just wanted to go home....
after a while I told my dad I wanted to go to sleep, and my dad INSISTED to come with me,... which I kinda wanted to go off alone...I think I went to bed soon after that.
The next day my dad decided that he wanted to go home... after all, he did 're-break' his ribs from the car accident from a year ago so yea.... so I wrote Clouse a letter with Amanda's info to contact her, than i wrote Dylan and Issac one with my info to contact me.... and as I was writing it, Issac came up to say bye so I just gave him the letters than. after saying bye, we were finally off... I was in so much fricken pain cause yea... that time of month, and no pain killers..... omg, that was the worst trip in my entire life!!!!! I almost threw up from all that pain........
yay for me... >.>
I almost died lol
I was sooo irritated that day. yay happy 4th of july.
Now this time, I better see everyone at Baron's war... cause ima bring my bf :]
Amanda: MAN FLESH!!!
Me: WOMEN FLESH!!!
Dylan&Clouse: Hairpies
Issac: The sun came out!
Me: Hey look! The men with no shirts.... the new age werewolves
[for anyone new reading this.... I post blogs like this because I have a terrible memory problem... If I dont write about, or take pictures, It'll probably never exist in my mind]
ok, like a week ago I left to go to an SCA event....
it was a long drive there, and I was texting Jared untill I lost service.... and well he was busy working on the road....
so I clung onto his pillow and fell asleep.
I wasnt too excited about the trip at all.... infact, I only wanted to go to keep my dad company, and to paint....
Well we got there, and the first thing I noticed was a group of guys,... and girls, looking to be around my age.
I thought it would have been cool to atleast be somewhat friends.
And the boy with white hair reminded me of this one gay kid in Turlock, he is such a sweet heart! I loved him... forgot his name though. But anyways, so we drove past them, and I got introduced to a few of my dad's old friends.
Anyways, we found camp of by some of our friends.... I dont even want to bother with names. All I know is 'Al and Penny' and 'Key' or whatever her name is... the rest are just.... well I dont talk to them, so I guess thats why I cant remember their names.
We started setting up camp, and it was funny, because in the SCA people are really big about helping others.... well guess what? No one fucking helped us till the very fucking end.... How nice... >.>
from then on, I cant even remember... I think I sat there painting..... oh! than we went out for a walk.... like the whole crew. Or house hold I should say... well, we're more part of Duke albert's house hold than the rest, but whatever. [duke albert is Al] I was still in my shorts, and tenni shoes [sp] and than... whats her face, that teacher lady who hates kids was all like 'spt... Krystalle [its Bridget!!] your missing your bottom half'
And than that one lady with the white hair, shes like super pretty for her age, anyways... she and key were all like 'nooo! keep your shorts on, you have super nice legs, if I had legs like yours I'd be showing them off all the time... dude, my leg is about the size of your HIPS!'
I was just like 'oh... my.... god.... im like sooo insecure of my legs its not even funny... and I even pick at them till they bleed often' only I didnt say it out loud, actually I didnt say anything at all... I hate when people tell me how pretty I am... cause really, Im not lol. I dont model cause I think im pretty, I model cause I like making art out of pictures... not making a person pretty by a picture
after a while, my dad and I decided to go to the car, which is quite a walk.... so we got there, and the boys I saw were sitting out there... They were incharge of parking,.. and such.
So on the way out, one of the boys yelled out something like 'if your ever bored, come to the parking, we're made of fun and we're always bored' than my dad yelled something like 'lets party' or something.....
o.O why are these guys yelling? Im right here... Im not deaf.... Im just ignoring you >.>
Than I got stuck being introduced to my dad's friend again.... I think it was the same one I met when I first got in when we were paying....
So I stood there watching the boys... No, Im not a stalker.... I just watch people... havnt you realized? Goths sit back and watch alot especially in the dark... and it was dark....
xD j/k j/k im not THAT creepy.
anyways.... what, we went back to camp and we... ate.... junk food. yay.
and than I think I called Jared, which was awesome, cause my dad's phone had service....
and than yea, I think I went to bed early.
Day 2
next morning I got up around 7... I cant even remember that day clearly. Yay for memory problems. But I could have sworn I got ready for the day, and saw Amanda talking with people around the camp area....
[ok, this part is gonna jump around sooo much]
anyways, I got ready, and sat around doing nothing, maybe painted...
and than I saw one of the parkinglot boys walk past my tent, like,.... a million times... Only I couldnt really tell if it was him. Just seemed like it.
Than my dad got ready for war... the maylays... or however you spell it.
So I went out there to take mucho pictures.... and some guy decided he wanted to walk right infront of me while I was trying to take pictures....
And he stepped on a cactus xDD ha, bitch.
But it was rather interesting.... but once my dad was done after a few hours we just sat and rested, and went back to camp
But than I went for a walk with my dad again, probably heading down to merchant's row and yet again, we saw the boy... and I think he yelled out the fact that we keep seeing each other. Again with the yelling. Or maybe that was when we were filling our shower with water... yes, a bag shower for camping.
ok, so..... I think that day I ended up buying clothes..... :D yaay
and the guy we were buying from said he'd sell us wholesales for my store once I friggen get it open.... which i hope is soon....
Than I think it was finally night time.... and the Pirate party was going on. So my dad and I,... and the rest of the people got together and headed down that way... Key and my dad and I stood around talking, and I think Amanda was there too.... only I dont think I actually realized she was there till Key was talking about these guys walking around without shirts on... yes, it was like they were a werewolf pack from twilight..... only some of them were light skinned. She said that one was hot, but he looked super young... I dont think he was as young as she said he was... Asian guys just look so much more younger than they really are.
anyways, so my dad met up with a friend.... it was rather disturbing... o.O my dad said something like 'hey, you better not lay a finger on her' and than he like.... idk,... I dont even want to remember. all I know was I got hella disgusted, and turned to Amanda, and said that we should walk away, and fast. There is a reason why I feel all grossed out when guys even just put a hand on my shoulder... well, unless I like them, but yea.
So than Key decided she was gonna force us to dance... and trust me, I didnt want to dance... but I probably looked more of a fool trying to run away and saying 'no no nono no' over and over than I did when I was actually dancing.... so me and Amanda decided to go into the dancing pit around the fire.... than I decided I wanted to get rid of my coat, and get my gypsy belt.... and I think thats when I saw the boys again....
No, wait, got that mixed up. I left BEFORE I met up with the creepy guy that was friends with my dad.... Yea. I left to go put my coat away, and ended up walking past the boys, and thats when one of them yelled out 'nice hat' and I stared at him, and the cannons went off, and he pretended to have gotten shot... o.O <--- the exact look I had...
and I told him to stop stalking me, and I walked off....
[man this is all out of order....]
anyways! at some point of time Key was talking about that dude, and than I went off talking about my stalker.... that I kept seeing. Than my dad said how he thought he was flirting with me... and when we were talking about him, he kept walking infront of us, like over and over....
ok, anyways! every time I passed him while he was with a crowd he kept yelling out how I was stalking him, and his friends were backing him up..... but oh well.... Me and Amanda went back and started dancing again....
after a while, lol she said she wanted to meet some guys. Yes, thats what the SCA does to you.... gotta party and get drunk. :] Just no drugs
anyways, so I saw that boy, which he said his name was Issac earlier.... I think like one of the times I passed him. that night was super confusing sorry.
anyways... so I walked up to him with Amanda... and said that she needed a guy for the night....so we just stood there chatting for a while till we met up with his other friend, Clouse....
what a cute couple they would have been. so we found Jack sparrow at the pirate party... of course... and I than yelled at him asking him to give amanda a kiss, but RIGHT BEFORE I said 'could you give amanda a kiss' she attacked me, covering my mouth lol. I might have screamed,.... maybe lol. [note, I cant really scream]
anyways, we ended up walking all over the place, and everyone decided to tease me with my fear of shit in the dark.
We walked to like,.... nowhere, and than back to the party, than over to Amanda's camp... her parents were gone for the night. I was gonna sleep over, but I wanted to send Jared a few texts, and I didnt want to bother my dad....
but we all sat around Amanda's camp cracking jokes and being stupid....
Than I headed back for camp.... my dad didnt even realize I had gotten in till about 5? and I got there around 3? or 2?
anyways, it was friggen windy as all hell... couldnt sleep one bit. I pretty much laied there all night long just... staring, and wondering what was going on with the dreads I was making [which I finally just finished btw] and wondered if they had all blown away yet... they were all tied up on my tri-pod....
but than my dad woke up, and told me to go get them.... ugh... sooo didnt want to get out of bed, and guess what? They just fell over, nothing more, nothing less.
anyways, I finally fell asleep around 7 and woke up at 8
Day 3
Ok, so I finally got out of bed and my stomach was hurting like, mucho ness.... and I had realized that the guy gave me a child's size skirt.... well, I had the skirt and a kids top... but didnt realize I had a kids top just yet... so Amanda came over, and we went down to the merchant's row again, and I returned it for a scarf, that I turned into a top....
I cant remember that day at all to save my life....
Amanda went over to Al & penny's place, I took a nap, called Jared... was all irritated cause, well, I wanted him at the event than at home.... cause I hated being alone, and he took it as I didnt want him seeing his family, so we were kinda in a fight,.... I guess,... and the fact that my car was broken, and that Rob was at my house.... I didnt want other unknown guests at my house..... and I hated being alone, and bored.....
anyways I think my dad left that day. After a while, Amanda's friend came over, and I showed him the heavy armor fighters at the maylays cause Amanda was feeling sick again.... but afterwards we came back, and I stayed in my tent again alone.....
Than I kept seeing Issac but I guess he was too busy to chill... Oh, I think Amanda changed her name that day for her SCA name... Amice De Claira Her parents were there that day, so we chilled with them for a while.... Her dad told me there were kids catching tiger salamanders o.O omg........... but thats ok, I was gonna buy one, but decided not to.... they do build up a character like a dog or cat would, but I thought they looked a little too scary for me.
Than Amanda and I headed up the hill... and there is this path between where a pond used to be, and a hill that goes down to nothing... but on this path we found the boys fencing... so we stopped and talked to them, since that was the path to my tent.... so we stood there talking. it was rather interesting.
We kept running into them, just like amanda and I kept running into Newt [I used to live with him when I first moved out to colorado]
So Im just gonna skip to the night cause I cant remember anything else. But yea, that night was the toga party... o.o scary?
Not really, there was not alot of people there. But yea, Amanda and I met up with the boys again.... omg, was too funny. they had a chariots race!! but with humans. Guess who were the ones racing? Issac and Dylan? Albion boy! whatever his name is. anyways.... yes, albino boy. no really,... like his eyelashes are white.... Nothing to make fun of... and supposedly he is blind, but I highly dought that... maybe just a little he says he could feel all the vibrations....
anyways, the race was off!!! and Issac fell.... dramatically.... haha... and than when Dylan turned the corner, he tipped on of the torches down... the girl on the chariot got off to put it back up so we wouldnt burn the whole area down, than ran and 'jumped' back onto the chariot... and BROKE IT!!! or was that Issac's driver? anyways, one of them finished, and the other one had to carry the girl on their back. it was hella funny....
than they went off looking for me and amanda and clouse..... it was funny watching them try to find us.
Afterwards, I think Dylan and Issac kiddnapped me so that amanda and clouse could be alone... Issac wanted them to have a -cough cough- romantic time with each other without us there.... but after a while they found us lol
So we walked off to the river that Amanda and I found earlier that day, [cause she felt like she was gonna die from the heat... so we had sat there earlier that day playing in the water while I was trying to kill a spider] and we all just sat around... and everyone was poking me cause it was sooo funny to watch me freak at night >.> than we all played truth or dare, and made up silly rules just so we could get around to daring clouse and amanda to kiss.... it was all too funny watching her freak, but in a way, it was weird, cause me and Issac wanted them to soo bad cause they never really had a cute romantic kiss before...
Issac wanted it for clouse, and I want Amanda to not have to say 'ive never kissed a boy' cause,... idk... cause she's pretty and deserves a kiss
Dylan ended up getting totally butt ass naked.... and my god, he is white.... lol but like everyone was covering my eyes cause im not allowed to look cause I have a bf lol but Dylon had to go into the river, I think, cant remember. it was funny though. Cause everyone was saying the sun came out when he took his shirt off... hes that white xD
anyways, that night was a windy night, but we all stayed up all night long till about 5 or something... I went to my tent, and Amanda went home for the night... . like to her real house,... cause its only like 30 mins away.
I called Jared at like 5, kinda crying... I missed him way too much and wanted to be with him than being at the SCA event
day 4
I woke up and called Jared again, and,.... idk, painted, sat around and than my dad came back around 2.... I probably took another nap, or something....
Oh, I walked around by myself shopping for stuff for Jared ^-^ I got him a shark tooth necklace cause he lost one when he was younger,... and I got him this interesting bracelet.... and I got these stupid earings that this lady said I didnt need to gage out my ears for... but I did... ugh. 16 to 12s I think? or 18s to 16s....
anyways, my dad came home, and went off to war... and me and Amanda went out to watch just for a lil,... than we came back and found Dlyan and clouse at the fencing area.... so we sat there for a good while and chatted.... and after a few hours of just sitting around we decided to go to our camp sites.... I had no clue where my dad was... but I just sat there for a good while, than I found Dylan walking back to his tent, so I talked to him for a bit, and than we both went over to their camp place since it was right next to mine sorta.... and we met up with clouse again... and he wanted to go get amanda, but she didnt want to walk around anymore, so I went off with Issac, clouse and albino boy to get food.... only, I wasnt in a good mood..... so I didnt reallly think they were funny at the time, pluse they were talking about doing each other's moms.... thats just gross, even if its a joke.... I hate mom jokes.... like, alot.... so we sat there, than I just kinda left them, but met up with duke albert than met up with my dad.... I was SUPPOSED to go to my tent and sleep, but I just kept running into people....
than my dad and I walked around, and I found out about the free fest,.... than he got stuck with helping some guy with something,... which would have been way too heavy for me,... so I just walked off.... and I think me and amanda chatted again, walked around, than she found out that she had to leave.... bummer.
so after that I went to go look for my dad and couldnt find him ANYWHERE during the feast.... he was hiding with his friends behind a tent where there was shade... ugh. no food for me... yet again.
after that I went and slept for a while, than went back down and found Issac as a guard during the court that was going on.... he was with his knight... which got me really confused... he is SUPER young to have a knight.... [to have a knight means to have someone teach you all there is to know about BEING a knight]
and when you have a knight, you get a RED belt... he was happy he got a black belt... o.O everyone gets a black belt... its not a specialty.... when you get a knight, you get a red belt... No offense but I think they are screwing with your head.
but yea, than we all smelt a STRONG sent of weed..... so they sent people to go look for them.... especially since the sheriffs were there.... idk why.
anyways, so Issac told me to go tell Clouse that Amanda left, cause he wanted to hang with her that night, since he was offered to guard, but he said he had something planned with 'a special girl' of course when I did go off and tell him, he just shrugged it off... as any 'tough' guy would. was kinda funny.
And than their friend that is like always surrounded by chicks kept staring at me.... so I finally gave in, and looked back at him and gave him a smile.... >.> oh god Krystalle, why? so he than started talking to me, saying how boring court is... well duuuuhhh!! who likes court? the only fun thing about it is if you have funny people up there, or yelling out 'hazza!' why do the people at the rennifair yell it out? idk, cause its not period....
anyways,.... so he than started asking stuff like how long have I been in the SCA and do I like it.... I finally spotted my dad and was like 'yea, well.... Im only at court cause im looking for my dad... bye' I mean ew.... he was somewhat attractive, but I think he must have had like 10 one night stands in the past 4 nights....
anyways, so I went off and sat with my dad.... and than we talked with his friends after court was over.... afterwards we went off to our camp than back down cause there was a idian [like the gypsy idians] party going on, and we sat around watching people dance... and I saw Issac,.... but my interacting night was over.... I didnt feel like talking to anyone. I just wanted to go home....
after a while I told my dad I wanted to go to sleep, and my dad INSISTED to come with me,... which I kinda wanted to go off alone...I think I went to bed soon after that.
The next day my dad decided that he wanted to go home... after all, he did 're-break' his ribs from the car accident from a year ago so yea.... so I wrote Clouse a letter with Amanda's info to contact her, than i wrote Dylan and Issac one with my info to contact me.... and as I was writing it, Issac came up to say bye so I just gave him the letters than. after saying bye, we were finally off... I was in so much fricken pain cause yea... that time of month, and no pain killers..... omg, that was the worst trip in my entire life!!!!! I almost threw up from all that pain........
yay for me... >.>
I almost died lol
I was sooo irritated that day. yay happy 4th of july.
Now this time, I better see everyone at Baron's war... cause ima bring my bf :]
Amanda: MAN FLESH!!!
Me: WOMEN FLESH!!!
Dylan&Clouse: Hairpies
Issac: The sun came out!
Me: Hey look! The men with no shirts.... the new age werewolves
[for anyone new reading this.... I post blogs like this because I have a terrible memory problem... If I dont write about, or take pictures, It'll probably never exist in my mind]
Monday, July 5, 2010
Giving Up Finally?
How many times do I have to say that I just want to give up on life before I actually do it?
I've stood there digging my nails into my palm untill I bled... I've pulled my hair out,... I've even stood there slamming a door into my head over and over.....
I even went and carved words into my skin hoping they'd scar,... and I wouldnt forget them.
I've tried to hold my breath, but that is the worst way to try and end your life,... never works.
Everyday I get irritated..... mad... upset, and I end up crying. For once, I'd love for things to go my way.... I wish I could go back into the past..... go back to Turlock.
I cant express just how much I love my bf.... but sometimes I feel like that isnt even enough to live day to day....
If I cant make myself happy, than why should I still be alive?
If I cant make others happy, than why should I still be alive?
Sometimes I just wish I'd stop saying, and start doing....
and I dont mean start living...
Because once I start living, Its not long till I get shot down to the very bottom of the mountain again.
I remember when I was the happiest little girl ever.... than my parents split, and I stayed with my mom.... ended up living in our car, and hotel room.... and from house to house, than to a closet....
Than we settled down for a while, and I became happy again,... than I moved to a new school,... and my mom got cancer....
than I settled down for a while, and my mom's cancer went away for a while, than I left Derrick's parents house cause they just didnt stop bitching, and lived alone with my dad, came back, and my mom was even worse!
than my aunt kicked me out of the house cause I couldnt pay the bills while my mom was in the hospice.... and than she passed away....
than my new bf cheated on me with 7 girls,....
and I left to move to Turlock....
I was the happiest girl ever...
than my grandpa kicked me out of the house, and I had to move to colorado, and after a few months of being completely alone me and a different bf broke up with each other....
and I sat in the room day after day doing nothing....
and so it goes on with other people,... and there are things I left out... LOTS of things....
but what keeps you alive?
Really.... why are you alive? what are you going to do to change the world? nothing? than why are you even alive? what is the point??
I just cant stop thinking about life.... and why im even alive when I dont want to be....
when I'd rather be dead, so I could stop crying, so I could stop being so upset.....
so I can stop hurting people, making people so upset.... so I could let people live their lives without all the stress from me...
I would do anything to go back into the past....... anything.
I miss Turlock, and I miss my friends, I miss my happiness, and I miss the adventures,...... I miss the family that we were....
I've stood there digging my nails into my palm untill I bled... I've pulled my hair out,... I've even stood there slamming a door into my head over and over.....
I even went and carved words into my skin hoping they'd scar,... and I wouldnt forget them.
I've tried to hold my breath, but that is the worst way to try and end your life,... never works.
Everyday I get irritated..... mad... upset, and I end up crying. For once, I'd love for things to go my way.... I wish I could go back into the past..... go back to Turlock.
I cant express just how much I love my bf.... but sometimes I feel like that isnt even enough to live day to day....
If I cant make myself happy, than why should I still be alive?
If I cant make others happy, than why should I still be alive?
Sometimes I just wish I'd stop saying, and start doing....
and I dont mean start living...
Because once I start living, Its not long till I get shot down to the very bottom of the mountain again.
I remember when I was the happiest little girl ever.... than my parents split, and I stayed with my mom.... ended up living in our car, and hotel room.... and from house to house, than to a closet....
Than we settled down for a while, and I became happy again,... than I moved to a new school,... and my mom got cancer....
than I settled down for a while, and my mom's cancer went away for a while, than I left Derrick's parents house cause they just didnt stop bitching, and lived alone with my dad, came back, and my mom was even worse!
than my aunt kicked me out of the house cause I couldnt pay the bills while my mom was in the hospice.... and than she passed away....
than my new bf cheated on me with 7 girls,....
and I left to move to Turlock....
I was the happiest girl ever...
than my grandpa kicked me out of the house, and I had to move to colorado, and after a few months of being completely alone me and a different bf broke up with each other....
and I sat in the room day after day doing nothing....
and so it goes on with other people,... and there are things I left out... LOTS of things....
but what keeps you alive?
Really.... why are you alive? what are you going to do to change the world? nothing? than why are you even alive? what is the point??
I just cant stop thinking about life.... and why im even alive when I dont want to be....
when I'd rather be dead, so I could stop crying, so I could stop being so upset.....
so I can stop hurting people, making people so upset.... so I could let people live their lives without all the stress from me...
I would do anything to go back into the past....... anything.
I miss Turlock, and I miss my friends, I miss my happiness, and I miss the adventures,...... I miss the family that we were....
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