New Life, New Blog

So I've stopped talking crap.... never was in the first place except on here...
my own personal blog.... for myself...

Someone has been reading them, and sending it to people...
telling people lies about me...
and telling his gf lies too.
But im not saying any names.
Just wish hed stop his silly games... and stop posting about me.
I've realized.... the camero was the way of the relationship...
Before I got it, the relationship between me and the boy was perfect.
Than I got the car.... and it slowly started going downhill....
And the day it died... was the day I knew you didnt love me.


My dad is gonna be getting a new job...
I am going to be moving out with a friend after the next two paychecks
I got a new car today...
Next weekend Im going to be getting cello lessons.... for free.
Im doing better than ever with my business right now.
Tom spent all his money to come see me yesterday, and took me to get my ear pierced.
It was cute when he reminds me... or 'orders' me to go clean it. Did that like 5 times yesterday.
We both got rave tickets to a rave.... Not gonna say, cause I dont want trouble or to be stocked or anything.
But it was funny when I went to things that glow...
Was asked where the boy was, and I said we broke up.
'he was a douche anyways. you deserve way better'
And I do. I have not done anything wrong.
I am going to make something of myself.
I am going to do everything I've wanted.
And I'll be living the life.

Life is getting better, no matter what.

I am making a new blog...
A new blog, for this new life.
And I promise..... I will be better than ever.

So,
This is my goodbye.

i hope...

I hope shes happy with the type of man shes with....
a guy talking about a girl's mother who passed away?

"sad to say krystalle it really sonunds like you mom didnt give 2 shits about you and probly never even wanted you jsut like your dad never even wanted you your where jsut a huge mistake that they wanted to take back"

real mature.... real mature...

your a fag

and your nothing but a cheater, and the only girl who'd go out with you, are stupid blonds who dont know any better.
btw, dont post on Toms things....
just thought i'd let you know.
I dont fucking have stds you retard....
if I had it, it would have been from you, and krystal would have gotten it.
glad your enjoing life without me.... means you never loved me in the first place, and I wasted all this time with a stupid nobody who doesnt have any straingth, and cant stay away from drugs because your a fucking weakling =]
enjoy life going nowhere.

Stupid Car

so the past few days have sucked....
But atleast I finally got to see a bad ass side of Tom, which was so fucking hot....
But not for a good reason..... and I hope everything is sorted out soon, and no one goes on a killing rampage.
I had a 3 hour long dentist appointment... totally ruined my plans!!! but they got the gap between my front teeth filled.... it feels weird.
So I went to go to the mall,.... and my phone took me to some random ass place....
so I just went home. I was supposed to finish Tom's gift.... didnt happen. so I didnt see him that night.
The next day I was gonna get a piercing, get my hair done, finish toms gift, and get a comic for tom that he wanted....
yea, well, my car broke down, and is stuck in highlands ranch....
it was really nice to have 3 cute guys push my car to the gas station than ask for my number xD
Than JD and Erin came over to help me out.... now its in a sports authority parkinglot....
so I couldnt get anything done yesterday....
I took my dad's car to the mall, again, the phone sent me to the wrong place.... but oh well, I found it.

I have just been in a bad mood....
than I see that Jared still talks to Erin....
which fucking pisses me off. I dont want him talking to my friends what so ever.
I dont want to be talked about, I dont want him in my life in any sort of way.... which means I dont want him being friends with my friends!! I deleted ALL of his friends.... he needs to fucking delete mine!!!!!
ESPECIALLY Erin!!!
The one friend I actually talk to often, and I see that he talks to her too....
Makes me like super insecure.....
I dont blame anyone but myself, but this whole thing has made me more insecure than I have ever been.... and I can tell its starting to bug Tom. I wouldnt blame him.
But im pretty sure EVERYONE talks about how i complain so much, which is funny how Jared used to say its ok, thats just how I vent, but now he calls it complaining.
You try being best friends with your mom and now shes dead and be happy....
I hate this world.... its so full of fucked up people!! and the worst things happen to the people who dont deserve it, and the best things happen to the people who deserve the worst!!!
Like my mom and me....
Like Tom and his mom....
He said he wouldnt know what would happen to himself if he lost his mom...
and I said he'd turn out to be me....

Sometimes its not so harsh.... sometimes people get depressed for years.... or... sometimes people kill themselves.
Atleast im still alive and trying. can no one give me credit for that?!
No, thats right, Im just a complaining bitch. I forgot.

Its strange how you see the real person once your no longer with them... and all their lies... and how fake they were the entire time....
Atleast I still love him, and miss him.... hes as happy as could be, wanna know why? cause he never loved me in the first place. from day one.... from the first time he said he loved me, from the day he said he'd always be there. But thats ok.... Im used to being fucked over, and cheated on, and what not.... However, I shouldnt be used to it. I should be treated right for once, have a normal break up.... I shouldnt a girl who is used to being fucked over.... I may have big anger issues, but I have a lot to give, and I always give my all...
Im not dwelling on the past, I just want a better future! my guard is up higher than its ever been....
but now im with someone who actually has things in common with me =] well.... not with with xD
jus mi cuddle buddy person thingy..... =/

Alone

So tuesday night I went to sleep over at Tom's house...
and everyone was drinking, and so was I.... but it seemed that I wasnt able to get drunk....
idk why.... i had like no food in my system... but I didnt drink that much, at all, but I didnt even feel a buz at all either.
It was nice to wake up next to someone before heading off to work.
His friends are interesting.... but I miss the turlock crew....
Tom keeps saying im allowed to come over whenever I want, and sleep over whenever I want n its not like hes using me for sex, cause idk, it'd weird me out with him having 6 people over all the time, and most of the time two of them sleep in his room, so... yea.
He wanted me to come over tuesday, but I was all saying like I didnt wanna drive home in the middle of the night, so we got really confused....
I will always be insecure about hanging out with a guy now, because I think Im over too much, or whatever. I dont wanna push someone away cause im around too often....
and it sucks having to run errens, or do shit alone all the time...
but I guess thats life.
I just wish I had my own friends already...
like virus, only, not whiney, or bitchy, or complains about everything.
besides, i havnt heard from her for a looonnnggg time....
she hasnt even been online.
And Erin just has too much problems and I'd love to help, but I just dont know how to.... when she talks about it, im just blank minded, and feel retarded cause idk what to say. Plus shes always with her boy.

I have really been wanting my own place.... and Derrick really wants me to move in with him. He says hes always been thinking of getting back with me, and this time we could make things work out.... but idk. I want to stay here... I want an apartment with a basement.... I guess maybe I just wanna stay with someone for a while who I DONT wanna have my life with. if that sounds weird, I'll tell you.... it does. I wanna have feelings for someone, but not be in love with someone. Im so scared to be hurt.... I just dont want to love ever again.... I dont want to open myself up, and let someone play surgery with me... To have a crush on someone, and like them, and getting hurt like that, is way better than being in love with someone, wanting to have a family, and dying besides them, and being hurt by that person...
I wish it wasnt like that, I wish I would love again....
And I know Derrick and I have matured a lot since the past two years.... I figured that no matter what, I'll argue, but I just need to find ways how to controll it, or solve it....
I was really able to do that in the past few months, but of course, by that time, it didnt matter =/
Because the past few months, I've been trying so hard, and the whole time, it was just a big fat fucking lie.... and a game...

But other than not wanting to fall in love,.... I still dont wanna be with Derrick for other reasons...
One, NEVER date a person twice.... I almost made that mistake....
two... I want to stay in colorado for a little longer. Idk what it is, but I feel like staying here could do me some good...
three, I dont feel like depending on anyone anymore... I do, for the comfort, but dont, because... I just dont. I want to be able to have someone I can depend on, just to say I have someone there for me.... rather than saying 'i have no one' because that just makes you realize just how alone you really are, and how no one cares what so ever... Or to have friends who'll help you if your stranded....
And four...
his friends hate me, and I hate them. thats the one thing about hard core metal heads... we dont like anyone but our own friends. Nick is a big ass, gary is too shy around me that i know somethings up, and kelsey.... my ex bro... we just dont talk anymore. and than everyone else..... that I went to school with.... just... no.
Oh, and fift... [sp] I do like Tom... Not saying I wanna stay here to work things out with him, but he makes me smile =]

But sometimes you gotta wonder why we've stayed friends for all this time. Im sure he knew I cheated on him all along... And still, he has been there if I really needed him.... not that I ever did. He was still there when my mom was passing, the day she did pass, and he was there at her funeral...

And yea... I love him, always will.... and sometimes I'll cry, but I really feel like my love for him changed over time... Im not sure if I could love him the same again....
and something is keeping me here in Colorado.... I hate the place, but something is keeping me here.
idk what,... but something. I hope to find out soon...
I need to find a roommate.... bad... I REALLY want to move out.

And I've been feeling alone alot lately... it sucks. It'll make me feel like I screwed everything up for me...
but I've got to deal with it.
It sucks Tom lives sooo far away....
luckily he lives close to my work tho.

and he has all these kittens!! I want one! idk how muggle would feel about that, but when I move out, im gonna get myself a black kitteen... train him on a leash outside all the time, and have him in the car all the time...

Well, I have a stupid dentist appointment in a few hours.... gr

Slept till 8:30

Well Tom and I sorted things out.
He doesnt want a gf, and I dont want a bf, but we're sticking with each other.
I didnt make his gift, cause I messed up on it. 10 hours to make something just to mess up on....
but im making him another one.

anyways, today my car has really been bad....
I wish I could go back in time and get the other car....

Anyways.... today Tom came to visit me at work =]
was too cute.
i had a lot to say, but it seems im forgetting things more and more.
oh well

Valentines Day

Lastnight Tom and a bunch of people were supposed to go to one night stand but the tickets sold out...
so I went over and did light shows for everyone.... there were about... 10 people at his house?
anyways, so we finally kissed....
and I hung out and stuff, smoked hooka, and got my palm read by some girl....
she said i wont get married. I'll talk about that some other time.
but I ended up passing out with like one of the kittens... and everyone came in cause it was oh so cute I guess.....
but i kept waking up.
anyways, I spent the whole day in bed with tom watching t.v. shows on netflix... passing in and out of sleep....
tomorrow is valentines day,.... I was planning of making him something.
I told him i hope i dont scare him away, cause im just a romantic person, and usually come off as clingy...
he said he was the same way, cause he just likes to do that, and it scares people away cause hes like that, yet he doesnt want a gf..... and he hopes it doesnt scare me away.
which is cool, I dont want a bf now either.... but im not gonna go around sleeping with people....
and he said he wasnt gonna go around cuddeling and kissing any other girl, just me....
he just doesnt want a gf.
and im thinking like.... ever?
i want to stay single for a while....
but what if one day i do wanna date?
than what?
thats ok, maybe this is a good thing....
so maybe if I never date him, than i'll never be hurt again?
Maybe I should just make his valentines day gift.....
or maybe I should be who I am.... love someone....
just not now....

yesterday SUCKED!!!

Yesterday....
I went to the cricket store to get a new phone or to get it fixed...
I noticed a boy staring at me a bunch...
probably cause i was so pissed off cause they wanted me to get on the phone to get a claim number but the lady wouldnt give it to me cause I didnt know my old address.... which i've gotten changed so many times!!
and i'd go back to the lady up front, and she'd just send me back to the phone... finally i got my address after like 2 hours....
and got back on the phone... was a different person every time i got on the phone...
the last time, the guy said 'you dont even need your claim number... you qualify for warranty'
was so pissed off....
so i had to sit and wait to be called... and the guy thatd was staring at me was talking to another lady, he seemed to have known her well, or worked with her.

than she said 'you need to stop hanging out with brandon.... your already a blond white boy' and i just kinda laughed.... cause brandons 'blond' without being blond.
finally i was called....
and so was the lady and her husband...
i caught onto their conversation... she works at the mc donalds off of 104th and federal.... which brandon works at.
so I asked if she knew him... and she said she did... that he worked with her. and I asked if she was talking about him earlier to the guy.... which she was.
was way too funny.

but after that, I came home and tried to sew up an outfit...
didnt work....
ran out of time...
and lost my keys to the cash box, and cash register...
and i had to go to the tracks. Tom was supposed to show up to help me...
but he showed up late, and didnt even know how to help with setting up the table, but of course only I would know how to do that...
I also broke my nail, so now it hurts... and slipped on ice.... forgot my power strip... and yea.
was cold all night, but atleast I got to hang out with Tom, JD and Erin... somewhat.... they were like all up on each other all night right next to us.
it was just one thing right after the other that made my night bad....
and than coming home alone seemed to have been the worst.....
I hate it. I dont miss a person, I just dont miss being alone....

And today I really just feel like dying...
finding a field, falling over, and just dying.
i just want to call off that big photoshoot,....
but I cant.
ugh!!

Once Upon a Time,... He Lied

I only asked for help because I got stranded, and I didnt understand the RTD site....
And I thought I could ask him, cause I didnt know anyone else I could ask.
And of course,.... I should have known.....
When he said that, it was nothing but a lie when he said he'd always be there, always help...
Just like when he said he loved me,
just like when he said he wanted me,
just like when he said I was important,
just like our whole relationship....
It was nothing but a lie.
Just like when I asked if he cheated on me...
Just like when we were still trying to save what we had...
Everything.
I should have seen it....
All those months of trying.....
All those months I gave him my heart...
When I gave him my all.....
All that time I gave him my world....
I should have known it was nothing but a lie...
The whole entire time.


All I asked was for a little help....
Nothing more;
And in return, I get stabbed.

Thanks for the fake love
thanks for the lies
Thanks for everything you threw away
And thanks for breaking my heart
Thanks for all the tears
And for all the time I tried....
Thanks for letting me know it was fake all along
and you were just another boy,
using up time
breaking my heart
wasting my time
making life hard
breaking my spirit

Thanks for being just another boy, just like all the rest. Using time like a toy.
But unlike any other boy, your the one whos made me believe, there really isnt such thing as love, and its all just a game. Thanks for making me believe I'll never find the one, and no one really cares. Your the one who's made me realize that this world is filled with nothing but retarded fucks like you who only know how to do one thing.... Break a girl, bring her down, ruin her world, watch fall to her knees, make her cry, and watch her die.

Thats all you know....
and because of you, thats what I'll think of every guy I meet.
Probably why I will never trust Tom....
Or any other guy I meet....

So thanks for helping me when I asked for just a little help.

Why cant I...?

I have been listening to a lot of hip hop...
and I usually listen to more of that when im tired....
I've been exhausted lately...
And i've figured out why.....
its cause im stressed again.
I go to work, and make food for myself, only to find out that I just eat a little of it, and throw the rest away.
I havnt been hungry.... at all....
Every day at work I feel like fainting, or feel like falling asleep while driving... and it's been like this for a few weeks now.

My phone broke....
like it wont recharge.... i wonder if I just get one of those charging pads if it'll work....
or if I have to get a new phone....
Tom came to my work today to take it to the cricket store to see if it was the recharger, cause i didnt wanna wait till friday to get it fixed.
I was supposed to owe him a kiss....
for a while now, and I promised I'd give him one today....
and the last time I saw him...
but it didnt happen.... again.
idk why I cant bring myself to kiss him....

Alone

So I ran out of fabric.... just cutting patterns...
When you see everyone's facebook....
And everyone is in love, or with someone, or missing someone....
It kinda really sucks when no one says that about you...
When your like the only person who doesnt even have friends saying they miss you.... or a special someone.... it is really depressing.
I wrote a blog today about how I've been depressed for 4 years, and it really needs to change... Its so much harder when your alone.

Ronnie and I dont really talk anymore. I told him that I didnt want him to treat me like I was his, if I wasnt.... I dont want him to say im not allowed to hang out with people, and tell me what I can, and cant do if we're not gonna be together.... and well, there was a lot more to that..
It didnt take him long to find a new girl....
I must really not be that great of a person...
If people can call someone love, babe, or whatever else.... already dating/hooked up with someone right after im out of the picture.... and be totally forgotten about a second later... yea... that shows that I was really that important. Im just an easy girl to be replaced....
I mean, the only thing I've called Ronnie, was 'hun'
Same with Tom....
The whole world seems to have someone missing them....
Or atleast great friends....

I mean.... Jo has really been trying to flirt with me, saying he wants to move to colorado, and if he did, hed ask me out... I mean, hes really nice and all, practically a real gentlemen... but idk.... I just dont like talking to him... i mean, everything he says is meaningless.... I know hes just flirting with me cause he wants to get with me if he did move here... hes so desperate to get out of cali...
Maybe thats why I dont care for him flirting with me.... is cause i know hes just trying to find someone to live with....

And than Derrick.... we dont talk much at all.... its usually only when i randomly pop into his head....
He said he is going to get me out to cali asap... Which would be nice and all... great actually.... except for a few things here and there. But I dont feel like he really actually misses me.... not like how someone would miss their girlfriend. I feel like its just the missing of days of him having someone to old.... not actually me.... if he had a chance to have someone to fall asleep next to, than he wouldnt miss me....

today, i've just been happy, than not, happy, than not. Its realization that gets to me.
I feel pretty worthless.... I dont have a single person actually REALLY missing me...
I wish I could say how Im feeling..... but now im not allowed to.... because all my shit gets checked up on, to make sure im not gonna try to commite suicide...
my stupid therapist friend....
they have me tracked down... check my fb check my blogs....
and if I get too depressing, someone has to come down and check on me, and talk to me... might have to be vince, but if its not, than I wouldnt be too cool with that.
So now I feel like I have to bottle things up even more now, and I dont have ANYONE to talk to about it.... because if I talk to Vince, hes gonna take it as a threat, and send someone down....

I can already feel it all building up inside....
I give so much love.... and I always want to fix things, and help people, and be there for people....
Why am I the one who deserves to be alone? And unloved... and unwanted...
Why do I get picked to have a broken heart, and have to deal with it alone? Cause I choose to be alone? No, Im not fucking choosing to be alone...
What did I do? Seriously....
I mean, in a way im choosing to be alone, but in a way, im not.
I want to be with someone, but I dont think he wants the same thing....
I dont want to go about flirting with every person I see or whatever.... I mean, I found someone who can make me smile.... a lot....

Maybe im just thinking too much....
maybe I am missed.... maybe I just think every guy now is just a fucking slut, and just wants to have fun, and doesnt actually wanna be with one person... and that im too scared to open up to people.... or always going to assume that im not missed, and that im nothing to anyone....
or maybe im not thinking too much.... maybe thats how most guys actually are....

im just tired of being alone....
maybe i dont even like him.... maybe he just makes me happy, and im depending on him.... or maybe I do like him.... idk....
maybe my lifes just fucked

Sewing Patterns....

omg, I havnt been this pissed off since.... well, I changed the color on this Deadmau5 head....
Why are there a thousand lines on one pattern?!?!?!?! Why are there arrows... and triangles... and line after line after line.... UGH!!! i hate this.
was supposed to go to Tom's house to use his sewing machine, we went and got everything... came back... and Arah, and that other girl were using the machine till they broke it....
yea... well im sure its not broke broke, b ut still....

I WISH MY MOM WAS HERE TO TELL ME HOW TO FUCKING DO THIS SHIT!!!!!! and I want to cry so bad because I dont know how to do anything!!!! I dont even know how to cook....
UGH!!!!!!

I was gonna try and fricken sew a pirate coat.... but im not gonna anymore.... untill next weekend if I could even go to my friends house, and i'll fricken bring my own fucking sewing machine, and have him/them tell me how to read/understand patterns.
I just dont feel like wasting fabric.

STOP!!

I wish I could tell you to not do drugs, but its not my place to tell you what you cant do.
I wish I could have just gone over to your house and slapped you, took the drugs, and flushed them....
But as a drug addict, you'd probably hit me back for doing that....
Im sure your happy with yourself, being all fucked up again.... I mean, sure they are just party drugs.... but being high all the time.... not remembering things.... doing nothing with your life....
I want you to go somewhere!!! I want you to be with someone, and be happy, and have a life, and get married, and have kids, and remember everything!! Though I wish you'd consider having a life with me, I know its not going to happen.... but I'd rather you not be with me, and with someone else, than doing drugs.....
I hate that your lying to me all the time, and that Im crying, I hate that Im so in love with you, and want to be with you, while all you want is to be with someone else....
I will find someone else who'll make me happy, and I'll stop crying over you. I will be happy!!! I will get married one day.... and if I dont, than I'll be out having one hell of a life, but atleast I'll remember it....

I dont want you to get caught, I dont want you to do drugs, I dont want anything bad for you Jared! I dont want to be the reason why you started doing drugs again!!!!!! Why did you tell me that! Why.......? why?! I feel like I should just be dead now.... You were so proud of being sober... and I was happy that I was helping you stay that way....
thanks for showing me that Im a horrible person, and that your life went to shit now because of me. Be proud of doing drugs.... I dont care, but to me, its nothing to be proud about.

I miss you, and want you back, but I know right now nothing good will come out of it. And your in love with someone else....
There are so many things I want to say just to piss you off, because you piss me off..... But I know your already saying/doing things to make everything backfire at me.... to make me feel worse....
Like saying you bet I fucked Tom.... and if I havnt, I will, or i'll go around fucking other guys.... as if im a slut!! that hurt! And you know what, I havnt even kissed another person since you. I havnt held hands with anyone, havnt called anyone 'love, babe' or said someone was my everything....


I've been awake for 2 hours.... and its gone by so fast, its like I just woke up....
I havnt been sleeping very well lately... Im always tired....
I need you out of my head.

I almost crashed

So I was staying over at a friends house.....
I dont think Arah likes me.... but than again, I dont think many girls like me.
But while I was over at my friend's, Jared kept texting me, saying he was doing drugs, and that it was my fault, this and that....
Yea, I didnt just sit there texting, I was sitting and crying around everyone.
I want Jared back.... but than I look at Jena's page, and remember that hes just lying, and everyting he says is wrong,....
I know hes dating her, or atleast hooked up with her....
It pisses me off. If they were to meet face to face right now, I bet they'd be sucking face.

"i dont want you to die tomorrow babe but your my everything my love"
"i never want to let you go ill hold onto you forever ♥"

Yea, what the fuck ever Jared.... keep lying about how you two are nothing but friends.
so you know what, go do whatever the fuck you want, and i'll do what I want.
Im tired of him bringing me down. if he wants to read my blogs and be down, than he can.... Im not going to stop him, because im going to say whatever I want....
I loved him, still love him, and just cause I've been talking to a guy, and seen him like twice means that I dont love him, than he can think whatever, cause I dont need to prove anything.
I never cheated on him, not calling anyone 'love' or baby, or saying they are my everything....
I cant believe I still cry over that jerk....
And I cant believe I blamed myself for him doing drugs again... I mean I do, but I shouldnt. not like I can go into his head and go 'hey, do drugs'

Anyways, I was at my friends house, and I got tired of being there, so I decided to go home.... right when it was snowing really really bad....
maybe I was hoping to get into a car crash....
which I almost did.... when I was sorta by my house.....
I was going down a hill, going like 0 miles an hour!!!! and I was taking a turn, and my car didnt turn.... just went straight, and almost hit a car.....

was no fun at all. I need a new car.... like bad.....
Oh, and im finally getting a sewing machine.... its been long enough.....


Derrick still seems to want me to move in.... 'in a few months' but it'll be longer than that.... but he had found an old school binder of mine.... It made him miss me....
I really am a great person..... and I am someone to be missed.... I've just been going through shit for years.... and I havnt gotten over things....
and I'll become afraid to loose someone, and my whole personality changes....
This thing I've been suffering from for years is getting me nowhere....
I need to find someone who'll stick around forever... of course there is no such thing....
I deserve better.... everyone does....
But will I ever find someone? Probably not....
I'll probably be alone forever, or keep finding jerks....
I'll be wasting my life forever trying to find someone.... and that someone will keep leaving me...
I know thats how my life is going to be. I can feel it.....
And maybe thats why I'll never get better, is because deep down, I know im just wasting time with everyone, because i know that EVERYONE is just going to leave....
I should just stop trying.

I Remember

Jared,
I know you still read my blogs....
Why, I dont know. Your so in love with that Jena girl...
Dont you think its time to forget me?
Atleast till we're in the state where we could actually talk to each other without the feelings we had....
I mean, I'll always love you, but I mean like.... till the day we could meet up, and I wont be crying the moment I see you. One day I'd like to say hi again.... And be able to catch up on stuff, and have coffee.... lol we'll be like, in our 40s =p

But I know the both of us only post on our myspace cause we're trying to put each other down... or its the only way we'll let each other know how we're feeling. It needs to stop. Who else is checking your myspace now? You deleted Krystal....
Dont get me wrong, I care about how your feeling.... But it hurts me.... Because your just lying straight through your teeth...
I know you've already moved on, but you need to move on totally....
Im not asking you to forget me, or to not give a shit, but who are those posts for?
Why are you reading my blogs?
I write my blogs for myself....
The other day where I had a dream about your dad, yea, I had started to write it for you, because it had slipped my mind....
and those other two, because I had figured you were reading them, and i was pissy...
I have to move on....
I need to... and I dont want any thoughts in my head that you still love me, or ever did, because my heart is telling me that you never did.... my brain is saying the opposite....
The heart is supposed to tell you good things, not the opposite.
Im not part of your life, so if you were even talking about me about the whole 'going back' thing...
I dont want to be responsible... you have Jena.... 'the best girl ever'
Because I obviously was never, ever good enough for you, right?
So why would you even post that on your myspace? To see if you could make me feel bad?
I love you, and I'll never forget you, but your still breaking my heart, and idk why I still check your myspace.
But sometimes, I wish I never met you.... I wish I never had feelings for you, and I wish I never told you I loved you, if I knew it was going to take this long to get over you.
I will forever wish things were different, and it never got this bad, but it happened....
Its life, and I have to move on.
idk how.... but I will....
And I'll forget one day.....
I'll forget everything that happened....
Or maybe I wont....
Maybe I'll get married, and have kids,.... and you'll be a bed time story about the wasted tears....

.........Or maybe about the most meaningful tears.......

Either way.... you have Jena now, so stop posting on myspace, because I know its directed towards me....
and if its not, than im fucking full of myself, and stupid... haha.....
But like you said, if you really did think you made a mistake, and if you really did love me, you'd be trying to get back with me, instead of getting with Jena







When I got home that night as my wife served dinner, I held her hand and said, I’ve got something to tell you. She sat down and ate quietly. Again I observed the hurt in her eyes.
Suddenly I didn’t know how to open my mouth. But I had to let her know what I was thinking. I want a divorce.. I raised the topic calmly.
She didn’t seem to be annoyed by my words, instead she asked me softly, why? I avoided her question. This made her angry. She threw away the chopsticks and shouted at me, you are not a man! That night, we didn’t talk to each other. She was weeping. I knew she wanted to find out what had happened to our marriage. But I could hardly give her a satisfactory answer; she had lost my heart to Dew. I didn’t love her anymore. I just pitied her!
With a deep sense of guilt, I drafted a divorce agreement which stated that she could own our house, our car, and 30% stake of my company.
She glanced at it and then tore it into pieces. The woman who had spent ten years of her life with me had become a stranger. I felt sorry for her wasted time, resources and energy but I could not take back what I had said for I loved Dew so dearly. Finally she cried loudly in front of me, which was what I had expected to see. To me her cry was actually a kind of release. The idea of divorce which had obsessed me for several weeks seemed to be firmer and clearer now.
The next day, I came back home very late and found her writing something at the table. I didn’t have supper but went straight to sleep and fell asleep very fast because I was tired after an eventful day with Dew.
When I woke up, she was still there at the table writing. I just did not care so I turned over and was asleep again.
In the morning she presented her divorce conditions: she didn’t want anything from me, but needed a month’s notice before the divorce.
She requested that in that one month we both struggle to live as normal a life as possible. Her reasons were simple: our son had his exams in a month’s time and she didn’t want to disrupt him with our broken marriage.
This was agreeable to me. But she had something more, she asked me to recall how I had carried her into out bridal room on our wedding day.
She requested that everyday for the month’s duration I carry her out of our bedroom to the front door ever morning.. I thought she was going crazy. Just to make our last days together bearable I accepted her odd request. I told Dew about my wife’s divorce conditions.. . She laughed loudly and thought it was absurd. No matter what tricks she applies, she has to face the divorce, she said scornfully..
My wife and I hadn’t had any body contact since my divorce intention was explicitly expressed. So when I carried her out on the first day, we both appeared clumsy. Our son clapped behind us, daddy is holding mummy in his arms. His words brought me a sense of pain. From the bedroom to the sitting room, then to the door, I walked over ten meters with her in my arms. She closed her eyes and said softly; don’t tell our son about the divorce. I nodded, feeling somewhat upset. I put her down outside the door. She went to wait for the bus to work. I drove alone to the office.
On the second day, both of us acted much more easily. She leaned on my chest. I could smell the fragrance of her blouse. I realized that I hadn’t looked at this woman carefully for a long time.. I realized she was not young any more. There were fine wrinkles on her face, her hair was graying! Our marriage had taken its toll on her. For a minute I wondered what I had done to her.
On the fourth day, when I lifted her up, I felt a sense of intimacy returning. This was the woman who had given ten years of her life to me.
On the fifth and sixth day, I realized that our sense of intimacy was growing again. I didn’t tell Dew about this. It became easier to carry her as the month slipped by. Perhaps the everyday workout made me stronger.
She was choosing what to wear one morning. She tried on quite a few dresses but could not find a suitable one. Then she sighed, all my dresses have grown bigger. I suddenly realized that she had grown so thin, that was the reason why I could carry her more easily.
Suddenly it hit me… she had buried so much pain and bitterness in her heart. Subconsciously I reached out and touched her head.
Our son came in at the moment and said, Dad, it’s time to carry mum out. To him, seeing his father carrying his mother out had become an essential part of his life. My wife gestured to our son to come closer and hugged him tightly. I turned my face away because I was afraid I might change my mind at this last minute. I then held her in my arms, walking from the bedroom, through the sitting room, to the hallway. Her hand surrounded my neck softly and naturally. I held her body tightly; it was just like our wedding day...
But her much lighter weight made me sad. On the last day, when I held her in my arms I could hardly move a step. Our son had gone to school. I held her tightly and said, I hadn’t noticed that our life lacked intimacy... I drove to office…. jumped out of the car swiftly without locking the door. I was afraid any delay would make me change my mind…I walked upstairs. Dew opened the door and I said to her, Sorry, Dew, I do not want the divorce anymore.
She looked at me, astonished, and then touched my forehead.. Do you have a fever? She said. I moved her hand off my head. Sorry, Dew, I said, I won’t divorce. My marriage life was boring probably because she and I didn’t value the details of our lives, not because we didn’t love each other any more. Now I realize that since I carried her into my home on our wedding day I am supposed to hold her until death do us apart.
Dew seemed to suddenly wake up. She gave me a loud slap and then slammed the door and burst into tears. I walked downstairs and drove away.
At the floral shop on the way, I ordered a bouquet of flowers for my wife. The salesgirl asked me what to write on the card. I smiled and wrote, I’ll carry you out every morning until death do us apart.
That evening I arrived home, flowers in my hands, a smile on my face, I run up stairs, only to find my wife in the bed - dead.
The small details of your lives are what really matter in a relationship. It is not the mansion, the car, property, the money in the bank. These create an environment conducive for happiness but cannot give happiness in themselves. So find time to be your spouse’s friend and do those little things for each other that build intimacy. Do have a real happy marriage...
Many of life’s failures are people who did not realize how close they were to success when they gave up.

today...

sucked soo bad!!!
but im happy now....
and cant wait till tomorrow, or till the snow melts in the parkinglot...
and cant wait to cash my check.... and make clothing! and spend some time with someone who makes me smile
=]

Yay for being happy for once

Just so you know...

I hate you
with all the hate I could possibly give.
With every energy in my heart.....
I hate you.
I will forever hate you.
Till the day I die...
And the moment I see you....
I will hate you even more.
I will hate you till the moment your dead....
I will hate you in my dreams,
and if I see you, you will know... Because when you look into my eyes, I wont be the same girl.
You wont see the happiness you used to see....
You'll tell right away that im not her. Im not the girl I used to be.
Because my eyes will be full of hate...
It'll be like looking into a dogs eyes, that once knew who you were, but has forgotten, and wants nothing but you to back the fuck off, and walk away.

You know why I hate you? Because I fucking love you, and miss you!!! And your inlove with someone else! and I know shes everything to you.... and I know you two are together, no matter what you say. And I hate that I was nothing to you.... And Im just sitting here writing this, crying, and wishing things were different, but they arnt.


I love you
with all the love I could possibly give.
With every energy in my heart.....
I love you.
I will forever love you.
Till the day I die...
And the moment I see you....
I will love you even more.
I will love you till the moment your dead....
I love you in my dreams,
and if I see you, you will know... Because when you look into my eyes, Im that same girl.
You wont see the happiness you used to see because you walked out of my life....
And in a way, you'll tell that im not her. Im not the girl I used to be when you last left.
Because my eyes will be full of tears...
It'll be like looking into a dogs eyes, that once knew who you were, but has forgotten, and wants nothing but you to back the fuck off, and walk away....
But right before you walk away, I grantee you, all the best memories will come rushing back,
and theres nothing we could do than, because its already too late.....


But in all honesty, I feel like I hate you more than I love you....
Because you dont even miss me....
Because your allowed to move on, but when I do, you get angry.
You never loved me, you dont love me, and I know that....
And thats why I hate you.... because you lead me on.... you used me, and I was nothing but a game to you, and I gave you my heart!!!! I gave you my heart..... and the whole time, you were just playing with it....
I hate you because you've replaced me so easily! You didnt even have to think about it!
I hate you because your still breaking my heart everyday, and we dont even talk!!!
I hate you because you make my cry in my sleep....
I hate you because you said you'd always be here for me....

I hate you because I wanted to spend my life with you....
but now I dont.
I hate you because I wanted you to be around....
But now I dont.
I hate you because I wanted you to be the one throwing rocks at my window...
But now I dont.
I hate you because I wanted my name to be 'Krystalle Lynn Johnson'
But now I dont.

I hate you because I wanted you....
But I have to force myself to think that I dont....

I shouldnt have done what I did today....
I need to stay away from an actual computer for a while....
Stay away from home for a while....
I just got paid....
So I think I'll make clothing..... if I even know how....

sex

I feel like crying...
because I dont want to be betrayed as a sex item....
I like doing cyber goth photoshoots... photoshoots that are out there...
I dont want to run into guys who want nothing but sex....
I mean, I dont even want to run into a guy, who likes me, and already wants to have sex... or is even just talking about it...
This guy I somewhat like... I know he doesnt like me. I mean, he hella makes me smile, and laugh....
but idk how, we got into the conversation about sex, and I said something like 'i wouldnt know, because im not really into sex' and now im sure he wouldnt like me even more. Im not looking to be with someone, I was just looking for comfort I guess.... or maybe I was hoping he did somewhat like me....
I dont want to be with someone, I dont want to be hooked up with anyone, but I hate being alone....
I do wish to find someone for me one day, one day before its too late...

im not sure why I feel like crying....
maybe because Im alone.... and I just want to be loved....
or maybe because I feel ugly....
or because I opened myself up again, and had hopes again.....
Or maybe because I feel like I really should just be 6 feet under.......

Its Hard

Seeing you flirt with another girl, tell her she's your world....
and than see you tell me something different. That your not into her, that they are just meaningless words...

I had a dream lastnight, that I was with your family, and we were all happy... the dream was more about your dad... he was really happy, and loving life... We were all happy that he was happy.

Idk why I had started to write this blog to Jared.... Kinda weird.
Anyways, my dad's boss is giving my dad one hell of a time. Im sure hes gonna get fired really really soon...
Maybe in a few weeks....
My dad went to the office, and put in a 2 month lease down, instead of month to month, so I'll probably be moving soon....
I want to move into those apartments I had looked at, but I think it'll make me sad... because at one point of time, I had dreamed of moving there with the man of my life....
I miss him, to tell the truth. And Im scared to miss him.

Today, my car wouldnt start.... and my boss wanted me to take the bus. note, I live in Westminster, and i work in littleton... yea... no. My dad had to take me.... tomorrow im gonna take my dad's car... go to the DMV and get my ID paper thing cause my boss said I cant get paid without an ID....

I've been so tired at work... I've been drinking coffee lately...
I was so tired, I asked a lady if she wanted 'lettuce and tomato' on her BLT sub...

I've been so lost lately, not knowing what to do with myself...
yet, i've been in a pretty happy mood.

I had a lot to say this morning... when I arrived to work 3 hours early.... but I dont feel like talking about it.
Wish I did.... wish I still wanted to share my feelings,.... but I've learned that no one gives a shit, no real friends are there for you... there are no real friends... I've never met a guy who really 'loved' me.... so Im just writing for myself.... to ease the pain... to forget, let out, to see, to feel, and to not think of....


But I do have one thing to say....
I have never met a guy who seemed so interested.... who wanted to know....
Who still read after it was all over....
But I have never been so hurt....

"I'd rather be put down by someone I dont really care for, or dont know that much, than be hurt by someone important to me, who I really care about, and love."

Never Loved

Why does it matter to you if I ever loved you or not when your the one who never loved me.
I love you, but im not in love with you.
Why would I try and get back with someone who doesnt love me, doesnt want to be with me, and is trying to hurt me?
That sounds like a stupid idea. Like you said, getting back with an ex is taking a step back, not forward.
Just TALKING to you is taking a step back.
Your such a lier... saying your not talking to Jena much, saying your not dating her, or hooked up with her...
im not stupid Jared.
So do us both a favor.... go fuck off, and never talk to me again!
stop reading my stuff.
Your not worried about me.
And why did you have to go and look up who Tom was?
Stay out of my life. You dont want to be apart of it, so start acting like you dont!
Im not wraped around your finger anymore Jared, sorry to burst your bubbles.
I love you, doesnt mean im over you....
but your over me, I can tell. you just like to be on top.
Im moving on, meaning Im going to try and live a life now.
You didnt care I was in the hospital, when I couldnt see a life without you, you didnt even ask how I was, you just automatically started fighting the day I got out.
So if anyone loved in the relationship, it was me. At least I never lied to you. And here you are, still lying your ass off.
Im so tired of fakes like you.
So dont text me ever again for something so fucking stupid.



p.s. dont forget to read the blog below.

Dear Jared...

Since you read these....
LEAVE ME ALONE! I loved you, I never cheated on you, I never slept next to anyone while we were trying to work things out....
You fucked another girl while we were dating, you were sleeping next to Krystal [and audi] while we were trying to work things out, your off getting drunk with other girls right now, calling Jena babe, love, baby...

YOUR MORE EXCITED ABOUT HER MOVING TO COLORADO THAN YOU WERE EVER EVER EXCITED TO EVER SEE ME!!!!!!!!!

Im not having sex with anyone, and luckily, the guy I think is cute right now, isnt like that [so he says] and im not calling him love, babe, or baby, or anything!!!!

so why does it matter I have a crush on someone? Just cause you and Jena arnt 100% with it 'anymore' means I never loved you cause I think someones cute?!?!?! where the fuck do you get that?! YOUR THE ONE WHO NEVER LOVED ME!!!!! EVER!!!!!!!!!!!!!

stop trying to make me cry! stop trying to push me whenever you see the chance... I was the one who loved in the relationship.... you never did! i left you alone.... just liked you told me to. I cant live a life if your going to try and drag me down all the time. if you worry so much about me, leave me alone. let me live. I had FINALLY stopped checking your stuff.... and here you are.

if I never loved you, I would have fucked around, and chose a person i never met over you... If I never loved you, I wouldnt be crying right now.... or would have been hurt so bad... you have some nerves to tell me I never loved you....

Why does it matter to you if I ever loved you or not anymore anyways? its over, doesnt matter... we are nothing but the past, so act like it!!!!! Loved, and learned..... but its not anything to talk about anymore. Just because we got an F, doesnt mean to try and get an A.... it means we sucked, but atleast we took the time....

stop reading my stuff..... im none of your concern. i could die right now, and it'd be none of your business....
if it was your concern, we'd be friends.... but we're not.....
I thought you'd always be there for me, like how I used to always type about....
about how you'd always be there for me no matter what....
but your not.....
Your not there for me when I dont know how to do something....
like on xbox today.....
or when im lost, and even my phone cant tell me where to go....
Or when my friends leave me alone with a guy I dont even know....
Or when im sitting in the bathroom just wanting to cut all my hair off.....
a real friend is always there.... but your not. never were... because I was nothing but a back up plan to you....

Dear Tom...

So I've met this boy....
I mean, I've been talking to him for a while online, and it was Thursday night I went over to his house. There were like.... 3/4 other guys, and two other girls there.... and Ronnie started texting where I was, what I was doing, why I was over at a guys house, than he called me, and was getting pissed off.... We havnt talked much since that day... but now hes talking to me, saying I dont talk to him, and if I even like him anymore......
Which I do, I love him to death..... but he lives in cali, and isnt gonna move here, so.... yea.

But this boy I met, his name is Tom.... hes like punk, but hella into anime.... and is kinda like a jrock boy I think....
He was in a Japanese fashion show yesterday,....
But yea, on Thursday I fell asleep next to him, and it was all kinds of cute.
But lastnight I was hanging out with some other friends, and I guess this other guy has a crush on me, but I dont like him at all....
and he kept telling me to tell him that I was hanging out with cooler people, this and that, and to stop texting tom, and to pay attention to him. Yea.... that didnt happen. I just kept texting Tom.
He makes me smile, and talks to me alot through IM and text....
and was telling me I should go over to his house and I kept saying I was busy, and he seemed super bummed....
dont wanna go into it, but I kinda like him.... but im afraid to like him, cause idk how he is, if hes a player, or not....
idk if he has a crush on this other girl, and if its all too good to be true....
idk if he likes me....
so I dont wanna show too much emotions, cause apparently his friends really like me, and I like them, so I dont wanna ruin anything....
I dont wanna get my hopes up, and get shot down. I mean, I dont care if I get shot down.... Just idk,....

Tom is willing to let me stay over for a while to make a bunch of clothing for the masquerade vampire photoshoot, and hes gonna help make some as well, and the masks as well.... And hes gonna come with me to meet the other clothing designers
Hes gonna be a model for the shoot too....

Oh, and hes a cat fan.... and has the cutest little kittens EVER!! But hes so sweet, always happy.... I hope to stop being so shy around him soon....

Every Night....

Every night, Ronnie calls me, knowing I wont pick up the phone because he knows I dont like to talk on the phone...
But he still calls every night.... and leaves me a voice message about what he has been doing since we had last texted...
And lets me know he misses me and loves me, and will say anything he can to make me smile.....

He got mad at me yesterday because I said something like 'ask someone else' and I guess,... idk, but I just started crying..... for a totally different reason that didnt even have to do with him.

Anyways, theres these guys who come to the cafateria everyday just to give me shit.....
well, and get food, but if im in the back, they will call me, and give me shit. its funny tho... not like bad type shit....
And today, they personally gave me a $5 tip today =] just for me.




Anyways, I started thinking on the way home.
A very very random thought......
it almost made me cry.....



"Would you mind coming to the wedding.............. as a guest?"

STUPID CAT!!!

Ugh....
My stupid cat chewed on my mic wire....
Yesterday.... while I was at work....
I was wondering why Jared couldnt hear me when I was telling him to leave me the fuck alone while I was playing COD....
Somehow... we were in the same lobby playing free for all....
Why he was there, idk....
How we ended up together,.... idk....
Weird.....
So I was going to buy Black ops, but realized I didnt have enough gas for this week... so my $60 is going to gas.... well, part of it....
the other part is going to a new fucking mic.
idk if best buy will be open when I get home from work.... or gamestop..... idk if those are even cheaper prices than walmart..... so I guess i'll just have to go to walmart tonight.
My salamanders are getting their spots, and are really pretty....
idk if Im supposed to have 3 in a cage at once, if thats safe or not....
I hope that's fine.....
If not, I dont want to give one away to scales n' tails....
but idk what i'd do.....
They have been really active lately....
I need to clean their tank but I gave Jared back his bucket.....
I want him out of my mind, but its like every morning I see something that reminds him of me....
Like I saw Starr post something about who your music heros are.... and I was going to post on there, and saw Jared had posted on there....
yesterday morning it was stupid people who commented on his video... bad mouthing him....
than the day before he left me a message.....

things just need to stop poping up so I can move on, not think about him, and be happy!!!!!!!
but that'll never happen. I hope it does tho....
I just want to forget everything.... because if I dont, I'll keep crying....
And I want my crying days to be over.

xbox

I just need to vent....
idk where else to post this....
I had been watching a movie, and playing COD and talking to Ronnie, and Richie, and Nickie, which I dont remember who he is, but apparently when Ronnie says 'The Asian' everyone suddenly knows who I am... lol So I guess he knows me.
I've done a lot of crying today.... not gonna lie.
I wish Jared hadnt sent me that message this morning...
It made me think of him [obviously] and by the end of the message, I had started crying...
Your mind doesnt make you cry.... the love from your heart does.
I just hate how hes replaced me so fast with another girl he doesnt even know!!!!!
And I miss him, and I cant believe hes gone! And I hate him so much!! I wish I never met him!!!!!!!!!
Because I will never get him out of my mind..... Every thing in my room remind me of him...
I told him that if we one day meet up again, and I dont want to punch him in the face, than yes, I would put this all behind us like he asked...
But the thing is, if I did see him, idk what i'd do.... if I'd slap him and start crying, or if i'd run away..... crying....
either way, I know I would just start crying, especially if I saw him with another girl.
I just want him back in my life like before.... in the summer....
I need him out of my mind....
But all I was is for him to come back.....
Thats all I want.....
But its like wishing my mom was still alive.... it'll never happen...
And I've got to understand that....
I want him out of my mind..... forever till the day we meet again, and I dont want a rush of stupid ass gay lame emotions to come rushing back....
because I know in the future it wont work out.

Woke up this morning to....

This morning I woke up to a message from Jared....
I am still hurt by everything, and I still wonder if things are right....

Im supposed to write a list of what I want and what not....
I just want to be happy, and I want things to be different
And if I could, I'd make my whole list about that....
but I cant.
I have to move on....

Monday would seem to be day 1...

But day 1 was on friday...
When Jared and I finally broke it off.
yay, and nay...
Yay, because I dont need that shit...
nay because I love him still and loved him more than anyone. I can actually say that because I actually sat and thought about it.
Lastnight it hit me hard....
I had the biggest breakdown... For the longest time.
I dont have people to take my mind off of him....
Im not staying up all night talking to a certain boy telling him shit saying hes hot, trying to make him laugh...
Actually, its kinda the other way around... I have boys telling me they would go out with me, and Im just sitting here crying and ignoring them.
I went to Derrick lastnight, because he knows how it feels, and knows me really well....
But apparently he doesnt... since he just said that I should get stoned every once in a while...
Idk... I said 'jared would kill me' which he wouldnt... Jared wouldnt care actually... I only wish he did.
I found Jared's sweater lastnight... And I fell asleep clinging onto it. Like every time I woke up, I was still holding onto it.
Pretty pathetic... I wrote a blog about wanting to forget everything, and someone told me that i'll never forget,...
and you know what, I will... if I dont read my blogs... which I dont re-read them... if I dont watch videos...
Like with Derrick... I honestly dont remember much at all...
He does... and he'll tell me stories that I wont remember at all, or I'll ask him if I did this or that...
I dont want to forget with jared, but there will be no other way to move on.

I must move on,... and fast.... because this hurts more than anything... except loosing my mom. But when I lost Ronnie, I moved on not too long after... Donnie, it happened fast.... not as fast, but didnt hurt as much... Bass... it hurt and hurt for a while but it didnt hurt like this. It was the hurt of myself of loosing a friend, and thinking how fucking stupid I was...

Pain comes from the heart.... And the heart tells you whats right or wrong... but your heart cant predict the future.... But the future doesnt always hold great things for everyone...
I just hope mine does... I just hope I can move on soon. I dont want a rebound, I dont want a bf, or a boy toy, or a fling.... I just want to fucking be happy. I feel like im being replaced rather quickly, and hes not even thinking of me, so that'll just make me move on faster.

I was planning of moving to Oceanside, but idk anymore.... I dont want to be pressured into smoking ever... at all... It sucked just thinking of doing it... Maybe it'll make me forget shit easier, and calm me down a lot more, but I dont want to become a stoner, I dont want to not remember things, and yea... idk.

I just wish I was in the future right now, to where I am somewhat a little happier.... not saying I ever will be happy again... I hope to be... but I dont want to live the days where im crying...
Derrick told me to watch a funny movie... I dont like funny movies... I like funny romance movies... romance movies.... right now.... will probably make me go off and kill myself lol

it was a funny post off of VF

Craigslist


Fine, Don't Fucking Hire Me, You Can't Handle My Shit

Date: 2008-12-02, 10:34PM CST

What the fuck people! I need a motherfuckin job, and I have a resume that says I am fucking fit to be your goddamn front desk/administrative assistant. I have applied to a ton of jobs on here, and not one of them responded, WHAT THE FUCK?!

Cover Letter? Here's my fucking cover letter!
Now, I'm really low on money, and I'll suck a dick if I have to...that's right!
Got a bear in your backyard that keeps eating your garbage? I'll fight that motherfucker and I'll win! Can any other prospective employee say that?! FUCK NO! What'd you say? You lost your keys? FUCK IT! I'll shoot the goddamn lock off your door with my laser eyes! That's how bad I need a motherfuckin job! Your brother is gay and you're not cool with that? I'll de-gay him with reverse buttsex. Don't believe me?! Then hire me and I'll fucking show you!

OBJECTIVE
I need a motherfuckin job.

SHIT I HAVE DONE
-I invented the moon.
-Atlantis was around til 1988, but sunk when I shot out of my mom's vagina like a silver bullet into a wolverine.
-I am also a wolverine.
-Had sex with the Spice Girls.
-The blowjob machine was originally my idea until that bastard Clint Eastwood stole it.
-I have prophetic visions of the apocolypse.
-Watched the movie "Juwanna Mann" at least 18 times. http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0247444/
-Created a new genre of dance in which people get so into it that radiation waves pulsate off of them, I like to call this the microrave.
-I reverse engineered a door, I now know how it works.
-When I was 8, a frisbee flew into my backyard and I blew it up with my mind.
-My brother is the Eiffel Tower
-Direct descendant of Beowulf
-Can make weapons out of anything, very useful in a hostile work environment
-Beat my pornography addiction when I was 19
-Proficient in Microsoft Office and Photoshop

RELEVANT WORK EXPERIENCE
GlomGlom Corporation of Evil Doing
POSITION: Front Desk/Administrative Assistant
DUTIES: Setting up sex scandals in which to blackmail wealthy politicians, forwarding email, burning down the houses of the poor, loan sharking, answering phones, greeting clients in a manner that would frighten most people

GreenHate Enterprises
POSITION: Once Again, I was a fucking Front Desk/Administrative Assistant
DUTIES: Organizing the dumping of bio-waste into the ocean, peeing in lakes, digging holes to fill with garbage, making garbage out of perfectly good and useful items, filling said wholes with said garbage, creating fake facts about Greenpeace and publishing them on the internet(I am internet savvy), good at filing...documents of hate.

REFERENCES
Glomgor Evil
GlomGlom Corporation of Evil Doings
gorlock@peanutbutternipples.com

Sloblor the Muck Monster
GreenHate Enterprises
sloblor@greenhate.com


So, now that you know the real me, are you gonna hire me or not? I would like to remind you that I can make weapons out of anything.

Sincerely,

Steve Madonna
stevemadonnayeah@gmail.com


remember.....anything.




Location: Chicago
it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests
PostingID: 942873935
Mood: lolocaust