Im not going to post much, cause nothing good happened today.
I called bass, again, no answer.
was supposed to hang out with a friend today,... bailed...
photographer said he/she didnt want to shoot tomorrow cause I dont have a car, but is still thinking about it.
got a job offer, from a scam
Kelly told me about a photographer who is coming to town... charges way more than I have.
Couldnt buy something online, because I couldnt transfer money into my checking... done it too much this month.
Didnt get to make my video.
My friend called me an idiot cause I didnt want to ride the bus for an hour to do shoots for him later on, when I said I wont do any photoshoots till I get a car... NEXT MONTH!
If I work for him, I have my limits,... and if I work for him, he shouldnt be calling me an idiot
Talked to an old friend... and I asked him how long it takes to get from AZ to CA cause my ex is walking back home...
12 hours by car, 8 days by foot. Though I hate him, I still hope he makes it alright.
Yea...
wasnt a good day
-sigh-
does anyone even read these?
Wednesday, March 31, 2010
Tuesday, March 30, 2010
Day 4
I cant really remember much of today... I just remember waking up, and chilling with my cat. I called Bass a few times, but of course, no answer. So I started wondering about a few stupid stuff, like, would it matter if I was alive, or if I was in the hospital,... and if he would even notice.
Yes, I know, I shouldnt think these things, but sometimes you just cant help it. I didnt do much to get these thoughts out of my head, except to get up out of bed, and run into the bathroom to brush my teeth...
[hold on a second, I think my cat just ran to the t.v. and sat there, and stared at it... My cat never watches t.v.]
Anyways, I was brushing my teeth, and then felt like I still had gunk in my throat. Ick, so I decided to hack it up. I know, very gross... But all that came out was blood. Ah! Yes, I know. And at the same time, the phone was ringing, and of course I couldnt just run from the bathroom to answer the phone; [oh look, family guy is on]
Anyways, so after I finished up in the bathroom, my cell phone started to ring... Same person who called on the house phone. It was just the lady from the westwood college. I explained why I didnt want to go to the school. I was looking for a certificate and for fashion classes. Not like I really REALLY need a bachelors degree in order to have my own shop.
Anyways, so while I was talking to her, I felt my nose starting to run, but I just kinda ignored it till we got off the phone. I looked in the mirror, and my nose was bleeding... -sigh- Looks like my bleeding problem stuff is coming back.
But oh well.
Anyways after all of that, I decided to go job searching online a while bunch, which went well, untill I started getting irritated cause I was applying for a job online, and my resume and cover letter wouldnt attach. GR! No matter what program, or format, it wont attach.
Later on, I worked on my videos which was irritating as well, cause my music audio kept legging, and I didnt figure that out after I did all the effects on the pictures, even if I did go back and play it all over again. But oh well, a video is just a video, even if it is my portfolio... Not like I have any really really professional pictures... which I would LOVE but I dont.
And its a youtube portfolio, so oh well.
I then watched part of a movie, Blink, but went back to bed after half way through the video, woke up, and my dad was home. I had a few weird dreams though... one that had to do with bats and crows, and one that had to do with my ex. Lets not talk about that though.
When I woke up, and went out into the livingroom, my dad took me out to dinner. Rubios!! for fish tacos!! I hadnt had rubios in over a year, so I was pretty happy about that, and walking around the mall with my new dreads, and having people stare at us was kinda funny. Came home, surfed the telly for about an hour, and that was about it.
Oh, my dad was talking about going back to England too. Yay!
Yes, I know, I shouldnt think these things, but sometimes you just cant help it. I didnt do much to get these thoughts out of my head, except to get up out of bed, and run into the bathroom to brush my teeth...
[hold on a second, I think my cat just ran to the t.v. and sat there, and stared at it... My cat never watches t.v.]
Anyways, I was brushing my teeth, and then felt like I still had gunk in my throat. Ick, so I decided to hack it up. I know, very gross... But all that came out was blood. Ah! Yes, I know. And at the same time, the phone was ringing, and of course I couldnt just run from the bathroom to answer the phone; [oh look, family guy is on]
Anyways, so after I finished up in the bathroom, my cell phone started to ring... Same person who called on the house phone. It was just the lady from the westwood college. I explained why I didnt want to go to the school. I was looking for a certificate and for fashion classes. Not like I really REALLY need a bachelors degree in order to have my own shop.
Anyways, so while I was talking to her, I felt my nose starting to run, but I just kinda ignored it till we got off the phone. I looked in the mirror, and my nose was bleeding... -sigh- Looks like my bleeding problem stuff is coming back.
But oh well.
Anyways after all of that, I decided to go job searching online a while bunch, which went well, untill I started getting irritated cause I was applying for a job online, and my resume and cover letter wouldnt attach. GR! No matter what program, or format, it wont attach.
Later on, I worked on my videos which was irritating as well, cause my music audio kept legging, and I didnt figure that out after I did all the effects on the pictures, even if I did go back and play it all over again. But oh well, a video is just a video, even if it is my portfolio... Not like I have any really really professional pictures... which I would LOVE but I dont.
And its a youtube portfolio, so oh well.
I then watched part of a movie, Blink, but went back to bed after half way through the video, woke up, and my dad was home. I had a few weird dreams though... one that had to do with bats and crows, and one that had to do with my ex. Lets not talk about that though.
When I woke up, and went out into the livingroom, my dad took me out to dinner. Rubios!! for fish tacos!! I hadnt had rubios in over a year, so I was pretty happy about that, and walking around the mall with my new dreads, and having people stare at us was kinda funny. Came home, surfed the telly for about an hour, and that was about it.
Oh, my dad was talking about going back to England too. Yay!
Monday, March 29, 2010
Day 3
So I woke up this morning, and did the rest of my dreads... or, installed them I should say.
I then walked over to my frig, remembering that my dad made me sausages for breakfast, so I ate those, draining out most of the grease that was left behind. I sat at the computer for a little bit, than told John that I was going to sleep, and to text me when he got on the bus. I went to sleep, again. So after he text me, I ran around drying my clothes, or trying to de-wrinkle them, put some make up on, and my contacts, and what not, and he finally came over.
After taking some pictures of my new dreads, we walked to chapotlie or however you spell it. I didnt eat much,... too much talking I guess. He was rather nice, but I think he likes me or something. What is it that every time I want to make a new friend, all they seem to want is something else. Ugh. Sure I want to find someone, but that takes time, and its very hard for me to actually 'like' someone,... very hard.
So we walked back to my house, which felt like 2 minutes, when getting there took like, 20. Yay for work out though. We got home, and looked at some youtube videos. I was trying to show him what I was looking for.. so after that, we struggled to figure out a topic, but it was funny the whole time...
Finally we decided on a topic: describing yourself to yourself, to others, and if you even know yourself?
It was an alright topic,... nothing I'd be too interested in, but I just really wanted a video, plus he had a cool camera.
After he left, like 20 minutes later, my dad came home.... And he said he got his... something,... check, which I cant even remember what its called, but this weekend we're getting my new camera! Im so excited.
We also got a movie from netflix... The butterfly effect.. I've seen it before, but I just wanted to see it again. Things all happen for a reason,... but to understand why is hard....
I tried calling Bass today, a few times of course, and of course, no answer.
Day three.... Im tired... Im going to be making videos now, and going to sleep.
I think this is working; I dont seem so sad all the time, but I still know im suffering from depression by the way I think, my eating patterns, and the fact that I am always tired, and wanting to sleep rather than do anything else.
The cure? Unknown
Process? This blog
p.s. I liked my body today. I pulled on a shirt infront of the mirror, and stopped and smiled. I never like my body...
I then walked over to my frig, remembering that my dad made me sausages for breakfast, so I ate those, draining out most of the grease that was left behind. I sat at the computer for a little bit, than told John that I was going to sleep, and to text me when he got on the bus. I went to sleep, again. So after he text me, I ran around drying my clothes, or trying to de-wrinkle them, put some make up on, and my contacts, and what not, and he finally came over.
After taking some pictures of my new dreads, we walked to chapotlie or however you spell it. I didnt eat much,... too much talking I guess. He was rather nice, but I think he likes me or something. What is it that every time I want to make a new friend, all they seem to want is something else. Ugh. Sure I want to find someone, but that takes time, and its very hard for me to actually 'like' someone,... very hard.
So we walked back to my house, which felt like 2 minutes, when getting there took like, 20. Yay for work out though. We got home, and looked at some youtube videos. I was trying to show him what I was looking for.. so after that, we struggled to figure out a topic, but it was funny the whole time...
Finally we decided on a topic: describing yourself to yourself, to others, and if you even know yourself?
It was an alright topic,... nothing I'd be too interested in, but I just really wanted a video, plus he had a cool camera.
After he left, like 20 minutes later, my dad came home.... And he said he got his... something,... check, which I cant even remember what its called, but this weekend we're getting my new camera! Im so excited.
We also got a movie from netflix... The butterfly effect.. I've seen it before, but I just wanted to see it again. Things all happen for a reason,... but to understand why is hard....
I tried calling Bass today, a few times of course, and of course, no answer.
Day three.... Im tired... Im going to be making videos now, and going to sleep.
I think this is working; I dont seem so sad all the time, but I still know im suffering from depression by the way I think, my eating patterns, and the fact that I am always tired, and wanting to sleep rather than do anything else.
The cure? Unknown
Process? This blog
p.s. I liked my body today. I pulled on a shirt infront of the mirror, and stopped and smiled. I never like my body...
Day 3, Morning
So I forgot to post lastnight, opps...
I cant really remember what happened that day at all, but I do know, the night before I was trying to make some dreads with my new steamer... sadly, It didnt work at all... nothing but hot water coming out and no steam, AND THERE WAS MOLD INSIDE! yuck...
But I still made my dreads with my flat iron. So the next morning, my dad and I went to walmart and returned it, came back home, and I ordered a new one that I had seen someone use on youtube.
Cant really remember much of the day, but we ended up watching a bunch of House,.. and I sat in the livingroom and set up my whole dread making station so I could watch t.v. and not leave my dad all alone. I was hardly on the computer all day yesterday, and tried to keep my mind busy.
I tried contacting Bass yet again, but his phone was definitely off... So I felt a little less ignored, as sometimes it would seem like his phone would ring, then he'd hit the 'ignore' button, but this time it always went straight to voice mail.
So I was less bothered, but still upset. Than my dad made spaghetti, which was really good. I hadnt had spaghetti in a while. :]
So afterwards, I went back to making my dreads, pink, and black. Some turned out good, some didnt. I had a hard time doing certain ones by the stile, and the bigger ones.... Yes, Indeed I do need a steamer.
Me and John talked alot, which was nice to actually have someone to talk to, and I get to see him today. He's gonna take some pictures, we're gonna go out for lunch, and make videos ^-^
Lastnight before I went to bed, I put in some dreads... maybe... 9 dreads, before I got way too tired. That, or I was just super bored. Than I was off to bed.
This morning my alarm must have went off 10 times before I stopped hitting the snooze button, and actually got up and did the rest of my dreads. Should I go back to bed for 30 minutes?
John might get here around 11:30 or 12 or something :]
I cant really remember what happened that day at all, but I do know, the night before I was trying to make some dreads with my new steamer... sadly, It didnt work at all... nothing but hot water coming out and no steam, AND THERE WAS MOLD INSIDE! yuck...
But I still made my dreads with my flat iron. So the next morning, my dad and I went to walmart and returned it, came back home, and I ordered a new one that I had seen someone use on youtube.
Cant really remember much of the day, but we ended up watching a bunch of House,.. and I sat in the livingroom and set up my whole dread making station so I could watch t.v. and not leave my dad all alone. I was hardly on the computer all day yesterday, and tried to keep my mind busy.
I tried contacting Bass yet again, but his phone was definitely off... So I felt a little less ignored, as sometimes it would seem like his phone would ring, then he'd hit the 'ignore' button, but this time it always went straight to voice mail.
So I was less bothered, but still upset. Than my dad made spaghetti, which was really good. I hadnt had spaghetti in a while. :]
So afterwards, I went back to making my dreads, pink, and black. Some turned out good, some didnt. I had a hard time doing certain ones by the stile, and the bigger ones.... Yes, Indeed I do need a steamer.
Me and John talked alot, which was nice to actually have someone to talk to, and I get to see him today. He's gonna take some pictures, we're gonna go out for lunch, and make videos ^-^
Lastnight before I went to bed, I put in some dreads... maybe... 9 dreads, before I got way too tired. That, or I was just super bored. Than I was off to bed.
This morning my alarm must have went off 10 times before I stopped hitting the snooze button, and actually got up and did the rest of my dreads. Should I go back to bed for 30 minutes?
John might get here around 11:30 or 12 or something :]
Saturday, March 27, 2010
Day 2
6 am...
I woke up, and decided I was going to call Bass again...
And this time, he picked up the phone! :]
It shuffled for a second, and then he hung up....
I called a few times after that, just to find that he turned his phone off.
This instantly upset me, and I almost started crying. I cant remember if I had or not...
But to think positive about this, and how I did, was to think that his phone was just being fucked up again... as it used to in the past. I dont know if I really want to believe this, or to believe what probably is the reality.
So for now, I'll just choose to believe his phone is being retarded.
So later on, I crawled out of bed around 10:30.... I constantly call him all day long, well maybe once every hour, or twice or whatever.... not like I call off the hook.
I noticed my dad wasnt home, so I instantly decided to take this opportunity to make a video of me talking about my modeling portfolio, but in the middle of it, my dad walked in. Looks like I'll have to try tomorrow.
We decided to go shopping for more hair for my goth dreads, which im going to do in a few minutes. We looked around, and I found a store,... $3.23 for a pack of hair... blah. Its not even the right kind, but oh well... I got a pink pack, and two black packs at Sally's
Im almost done reading my drivers book, not that I need to read it, I've taken the test so many times, jus cause it expired, but because Im in a new state, I decided to be safe.
So after our little running around, we went to... Arbys I think its called... this is only my second time. It was pretty good :] I liked it.
Than, we got stuck in traffic... someone got hit... well a guy on a motorcycle... it was pretty smashed =[ I hope the guy lived... Its sad either way.
But after we got through it all, we went to walmart, and I got a steamer so I can make my dreads easier and faster... I had a gift card, so I only spent like 8 bucks. Go me!
We came home, and skipped on dinner.... Neither one of us were hungry. Sitting at home, watching House, as I looked up sites for hair... ikickshins.net was just the place, but I didnt like the shipping price, but oh well, hopefully I'll be making my money back... even if I am going to be selling my dreads really cheap... I just think people WAY overly price their dreads... $50-145 for dreads? too much. I'd be selling mine at the price of hair, shipping which will be somewhere between $3-7 depending on how much, and $15-25 on the type of dread... that would be like... on a rounded average of somewhere around $33
anyways, after a few hours of looking it up and such, I decided to watch the movie 'I Hate Valentine's Day' I never even got a valentines day gift from bass.... the past.... 2 boyfriends, and Bass, that would be the past... 4 years I have not gotten anything special for valentinesday
As my day was going just fine, this movie brought me down,.. But as I was watching this movie, a boy had asked me out to lunch on Monday :]
Hes some... punk type guy... but thats ok, I thought it was very cute. And now, I am going to start making my dreads; hopefully the steamer we just bought works! the box had been opened, and looked like it was a returned item... but it was the only one on the shelf =/
but on the side note, soon i'll have pink and black dreads soon. Im excited.
Oh, than my friend D called about a video I had put up...
My friend Damien makes me happy :]
I woke up, and decided I was going to call Bass again...
And this time, he picked up the phone! :]
It shuffled for a second, and then he hung up....
I called a few times after that, just to find that he turned his phone off.
This instantly upset me, and I almost started crying. I cant remember if I had or not...
But to think positive about this, and how I did, was to think that his phone was just being fucked up again... as it used to in the past. I dont know if I really want to believe this, or to believe what probably is the reality.
So for now, I'll just choose to believe his phone is being retarded.
So later on, I crawled out of bed around 10:30.... I constantly call him all day long, well maybe once every hour, or twice or whatever.... not like I call off the hook.
I noticed my dad wasnt home, so I instantly decided to take this opportunity to make a video of me talking about my modeling portfolio, but in the middle of it, my dad walked in. Looks like I'll have to try tomorrow.
We decided to go shopping for more hair for my goth dreads, which im going to do in a few minutes. We looked around, and I found a store,... $3.23 for a pack of hair... blah. Its not even the right kind, but oh well... I got a pink pack, and two black packs at Sally's
Im almost done reading my drivers book, not that I need to read it, I've taken the test so many times, jus cause it expired, but because Im in a new state, I decided to be safe.
So after our little running around, we went to... Arbys I think its called... this is only my second time. It was pretty good :] I liked it.
Than, we got stuck in traffic... someone got hit... well a guy on a motorcycle... it was pretty smashed =[ I hope the guy lived... Its sad either way.
But after we got through it all, we went to walmart, and I got a steamer so I can make my dreads easier and faster... I had a gift card, so I only spent like 8 bucks. Go me!
We came home, and skipped on dinner.... Neither one of us were hungry. Sitting at home, watching House, as I looked up sites for hair... ikickshins.net was just the place, but I didnt like the shipping price, but oh well, hopefully I'll be making my money back... even if I am going to be selling my dreads really cheap... I just think people WAY overly price their dreads... $50-145 for dreads? too much. I'd be selling mine at the price of hair, shipping which will be somewhere between $3-7 depending on how much, and $15-25 on the type of dread... that would be like... on a rounded average of somewhere around $33
anyways, after a few hours of looking it up and such, I decided to watch the movie 'I Hate Valentine's Day' I never even got a valentines day gift from bass.... the past.... 2 boyfriends, and Bass, that would be the past... 4 years I have not gotten anything special for valentinesday
As my day was going just fine, this movie brought me down,.. But as I was watching this movie, a boy had asked me out to lunch on Monday :]
Hes some... punk type guy... but thats ok, I thought it was very cute. And now, I am going to start making my dreads; hopefully the steamer we just bought works! the box had been opened, and looked like it was a returned item... but it was the only one on the shelf =/
but on the side note, soon i'll have pink and black dreads soon. Im excited.
Oh, than my friend D called about a video I had put up...
My friend Damien makes me happy :]
Friday, March 26, 2010
Day 1
So this morning I woke up to a text from Bass's mom, saying 'Stop texting me and my daughter we have 27 shows bass will get ahold of u when he has fucking time'
This is a 'grown' women, if you'd like to call her that; I had asked her maybe 3 times, getting a response only once, with in the whole week, and sent her daughter a 'message' once, and an IM once,.. with her only responding to the IM. I had only asked 'when' Bass would be home from the shows so that I can contact him.
I had explained to her that I jus wanted to know, so I could get my boots, so I could model in them, well, actually I jus said I paid him to mail my stuff, so I just wanted to know when I'd be able to get them, and her response was pretty much 'Not our problem'
I dont understand how elder, more 'mature' 'responsible' 'grown' adults can act that way,...
Very childish to me; looks like she needs to go live with her mom again, so she can re-learn manners. Not to be rude;
So later on that day, I sat on the couch and cried a little more, for no reason, just the feeling of being alone I suppose, but I than decided to watch Julie & Julia
While watching that movie, I had the urge to cook. So I had cooked spam, and warmed up some tortilla with cheese,... and bits of spam. I later made a smoothie.
But thanks to that movie, I moved past Bass's mom's rude actions, and decided I'd write a blog, writing about the good things that happen, or the bad, but how I get over it. Im hoping it'll lead me to fall out of this depression.
After my dad came home, we discussed a little bit more about jobs, and some school he couldnt remember. He was thinking about me working for his company that he is in, but his boss already has someone in mind for the position I'd be applying for; That would be a very interesting adventure.
Earlier in the day, I had looked into steamers to make goth dreads that I hope to be selling soon, and some are pretty cheap, and with my $20 walmart card, that would work out perfectly.. Im hoping to get my goth shop up sometime in the future, and so far, making dreads will be my start; hopefully I can start doing other stuff to make it happen more quickly.
Today, Kelly, a model I absolutely love, asked me what my five most photographers and designers I want to work with. I knew just a few off of the top of my head, but then I really got into it, and started looking though my 'favorite' pictures of clothes, models, and the photographers. My response ended up as:
"Designers, not too sure, but photographers: mojokiss <-- REALLY BAD and Jaime Ibarra, A Picture Someday [she was actually my friend's sister, but I came to cali too late, and now shes in texas] sideshowsito and WinterWolf Studios.. for designers, blackmirror Design, Victoria Velvet [ah, I see you've worked with her lol], rockinbones, kind of CandySpooky Clothing, but I think thats jus cause we went to high school together, so i'll say SteampunkCouture [by Kato] and Bibian blue"
Before she even asked me that, I was planning of putting together a 'youtube video portfolio'
I love modeling, but I have not gotten much experience from it; Im hoping to go much farther soon.
Kelly is a great model, and she is very inspiring, and very encouraging :]
While I was trying to remember a name of a designer, I found 'Crows 'n' Bones'
I want to send them something, maybe I can make it into their magazine.
Im not even going to discuss what my friend JD said to me, because I dont want to get into it, for the fact that I have not yet found a way to get it out of my head.
Hopefully tomorrow will be a good day. Its the weekend, and I just hang around with my dad, trying to figure out what to do for the weekends.... We usually cant find much;
This is a 'grown' women, if you'd like to call her that; I had asked her maybe 3 times, getting a response only once, with in the whole week, and sent her daughter a 'message' once, and an IM once,.. with her only responding to the IM. I had only asked 'when' Bass would be home from the shows so that I can contact him.
I had explained to her that I jus wanted to know, so I could get my boots, so I could model in them, well, actually I jus said I paid him to mail my stuff, so I just wanted to know when I'd be able to get them, and her response was pretty much 'Not our problem'
I dont understand how elder, more 'mature' 'responsible' 'grown' adults can act that way,...
Very childish to me; looks like she needs to go live with her mom again, so she can re-learn manners. Not to be rude;
So later on that day, I sat on the couch and cried a little more, for no reason, just the feeling of being alone I suppose, but I than decided to watch Julie & Julia
While watching that movie, I had the urge to cook. So I had cooked spam, and warmed up some tortilla with cheese,... and bits of spam. I later made a smoothie.
But thanks to that movie, I moved past Bass's mom's rude actions, and decided I'd write a blog, writing about the good things that happen, or the bad, but how I get over it. Im hoping it'll lead me to fall out of this depression.
After my dad came home, we discussed a little bit more about jobs, and some school he couldnt remember. He was thinking about me working for his company that he is in, but his boss already has someone in mind for the position I'd be applying for; That would be a very interesting adventure.
Earlier in the day, I had looked into steamers to make goth dreads that I hope to be selling soon, and some are pretty cheap, and with my $20 walmart card, that would work out perfectly.. Im hoping to get my goth shop up sometime in the future, and so far, making dreads will be my start; hopefully I can start doing other stuff to make it happen more quickly.
Today, Kelly, a model I absolutely love, asked me what my five most photographers and designers I want to work with. I knew just a few off of the top of my head, but then I really got into it, and started looking though my 'favorite' pictures of clothes, models, and the photographers. My response ended up as:
"Designers, not too sure, but photographers: mojokiss <-- REALLY BAD and Jaime Ibarra, A Picture Someday [she was actually my friend's sister, but I came to cali too late, and now shes in texas] sideshowsito and WinterWolf Studios.. for designers, blackmirror Design, Victoria Velvet [ah, I see you've worked with her lol], rockinbones, kind of CandySpooky Clothing, but I think thats jus cause we went to high school together, so i'll say SteampunkCouture [by Kato] and Bibian blue"
Before she even asked me that, I was planning of putting together a 'youtube video portfolio'
I love modeling, but I have not gotten much experience from it; Im hoping to go much farther soon.
Kelly is a great model, and she is very inspiring, and very encouraging :]
While I was trying to remember a name of a designer, I found 'Crows 'n' Bones'
I want to send them something, maybe I can make it into their magazine.
Im not even going to discuss what my friend JD said to me, because I dont want to get into it, for the fact that I have not yet found a way to get it out of my head.
Hopefully tomorrow will be a good day. Its the weekend, and I just hang around with my dad, trying to figure out what to do for the weekends.... We usually cant find much;
Yesterday
So I am starting on this new blog, with how my day goes, for as long as I can... <-- I dont even know if thats even the right sentence structure.
But this time, I am going to 'focus' on only the good things that happen, or I might put how bad things happen, and how I try to solve, or ignore the issue.
Im hoping that typing everyday will lead me to think about only the good things out of my day
So I will start with what I can remember from yesterday... Which is really only after my dad came home from work.
Everyday I sit at home, on the computer, or making videos... and than my dad comes home about 4:50 and I hand the computer over to him. Everyday,... its almost like we are robots. Well not really, I just do not have much to say to him, because:
one: either I would say something we have no interest in,
two: I would tell him how my day was, but its the same everyday,
three: I'd say I want to go sleep over at a friends house, which, I only have guy friends up here... No, I am not like that.
or four: I'd talk about what made me cry that day, or made me upset, which after its already done, I dont want to bring it up again... it just re-creates the feelings I dont want to feel again
So, I'd rather just not say anything, which Im usually like that with my friends anyways, always shy.... depending on who im with.
So anyways, I got a phone call from the Art Institute of colorado, or, Denver, whatever you want to call it. I am trying to go to school for fashion design, and business :]
One day I hope to open up my own goth shop.
So after that was done and over with, which was a rather irritating conversation, I rushed out of my room to re-remind him that we had an appointment to go to Westwood college, for art at 6:30. Once we got there, met with the nice lady, we found out it was nothing we had expected.
Online, we saw the class 'fashion design & Business' all in one, which they were no longer running. Malaina, the lady who was helping us, seemed to not know why I had looked into the school... which we tried telling her. So it was pretty much a big waste of time. Well, just an hour.
Afterwards, my dad and I went out to grab some chicken nuggets at mcdonalds, went home, and watched a movie. It was alright, good enough to keep my attention on the movie.
After he went to bed, I went, and brought my computer into the bathroom, sat on the lil pillow, and started making some goth dreads, while I had the laptop in the chair in the bathroom, playing WALL-E
I then called Bass, I have not heard from him for a long time now, feels like a week. He has my stuff which I paid him to mail back to me, since my dad mailed a lot of my stuff while I was living at his house... it only took a month before his mom kicked me out for no reason pretty much.
Anyways, as I was saying, I called him, and yet again, no answer. He supposedly loves me... which is bullshit. I dont think I even love him anymore, let alone want to be his friend if he cant even call me. I know he is busy, but he could at least text before bed or call from someone else's phone...
So than that night, I text his mom, asking when he would be done with the shows....
Later that night, while still making dreads and watching WALL-E, I pulled my knees up to my chest, crossed my arms over them, laid my head down, and just started crying.
I was all alone, with no one to talk to, I had not seen anyone but strangers and my dad since I moved back to California....
But this time, I am going to 'focus' on only the good things that happen, or I might put how bad things happen, and how I try to solve, or ignore the issue.
Im hoping that typing everyday will lead me to think about only the good things out of my day
So I will start with what I can remember from yesterday... Which is really only after my dad came home from work.
Everyday I sit at home, on the computer, or making videos... and than my dad comes home about 4:50 and I hand the computer over to him. Everyday,... its almost like we are robots. Well not really, I just do not have much to say to him, because:
one: either I would say something we have no interest in,
two: I would tell him how my day was, but its the same everyday,
three: I'd say I want to go sleep over at a friends house, which, I only have guy friends up here... No, I am not like that.
or four: I'd talk about what made me cry that day, or made me upset, which after its already done, I dont want to bring it up again... it just re-creates the feelings I dont want to feel again
So, I'd rather just not say anything, which Im usually like that with my friends anyways, always shy.... depending on who im with.
So anyways, I got a phone call from the Art Institute of colorado, or, Denver, whatever you want to call it. I am trying to go to school for fashion design, and business :]
One day I hope to open up my own goth shop.
So after that was done and over with, which was a rather irritating conversation, I rushed out of my room to re-remind him that we had an appointment to go to Westwood college, for art at 6:30. Once we got there, met with the nice lady, we found out it was nothing we had expected.
Online, we saw the class 'fashion design & Business' all in one, which they were no longer running. Malaina, the lady who was helping us, seemed to not know why I had looked into the school... which we tried telling her. So it was pretty much a big waste of time. Well, just an hour.
Afterwards, my dad and I went out to grab some chicken nuggets at mcdonalds, went home, and watched a movie. It was alright, good enough to keep my attention on the movie.
After he went to bed, I went, and brought my computer into the bathroom, sat on the lil pillow, and started making some goth dreads, while I had the laptop in the chair in the bathroom, playing WALL-E
I then called Bass, I have not heard from him for a long time now, feels like a week. He has my stuff which I paid him to mail back to me, since my dad mailed a lot of my stuff while I was living at his house... it only took a month before his mom kicked me out for no reason pretty much.
Anyways, as I was saying, I called him, and yet again, no answer. He supposedly loves me... which is bullshit. I dont think I even love him anymore, let alone want to be his friend if he cant even call me. I know he is busy, but he could at least text before bed or call from someone else's phone...
So than that night, I text his mom, asking when he would be done with the shows....
Later that night, while still making dreads and watching WALL-E, I pulled my knees up to my chest, crossed my arms over them, laid my head down, and just started crying.
I was all alone, with no one to talk to, I had not seen anyone but strangers and my dad since I moved back to California....
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