new year's resolution 2011

I can already see this list getting long
2011
I hope this is going to be a great year. I hope it will be. I have a feeling that it will get better. It might start out slow, but I will try my best to make this a great year! Im tired of my old self, and need to move forward!

Derrick Butcher... my ex. [one of them] He was dating me before my mom got cancer.
He said I was a great person, and from what I can remember, I was always happy, cheerful, and fun. I still didnt smile as much as everyone else, but I was happy. Even when I lived in that stupid closet, I was nice...
He said as soon as my mom got cancer, I changed.... I was different, and I dont think I have ever gone back to the person I was, untill I moved to Turlock. I had friends there who changed me, but as soon as I moved, I went back to my old self.

So 2011... lets start over. I cant dwell on the past so much. I will miss my mom being there for me, and for me being there for her. I will miss having a mother to go out with, and have fun with, but I need to live a life again.

so here is my new year's resolution 2011!!!!!

1. Find the right guy, or work things out.... I want to be treated right.
2. get good at hooping... maybe hopefully preform =]
3. get a good job. work as a nurse assistant, and have a successful store.
4. make a store online... real store... not fb =p
5. BE HAPPY!!!
6. Be a successful model.
7. own my own apartment!!!!! With a basement! =p So I can have a studio
8. work on being a photographer
9. Get good a cooking!!! No one wants to date a girl who cant cook =p
10. stop being so shy!!!! That will be the hardest to do I think.
11. work out? maybe? sorta... have a tone body =]
12. learn how to control my anger better. i've been doing somewhat of a good-ish job already
13. Be good at orbiting? I guess lol
14. make good money, some how, some way
15. become a wardrobe stylist
16. be more helpful to others.
17. make lots of friends! [that goes with stop being shy]
18. be fun, classy, exciting, adventurous... I'd say sexy, but thats no ones business j/k j/k
19. Be Adventurous [i know I already said it] but try new things... things I think I wont like.
20. dont care about what others think. [goes with above... trying new things is something I dont like cause I dont want others to think im stupid if I cant do it]
21. beat a boy at some 'guy' video game =p I dont wanna be 'girly' at anything anymore...
22. get another pet... like a dog =] Once I have a place.. and money =/
23. Learn how to do artful stuff =]
24. Be giving [already am] so I guess I should say 'stay giving'
25. READ A BOOK!
26. Care about myself [like, love who I am]
27. re-learn how to play the violin
28. Clean more! & Be more organized!
29. Be more secure... not insecure. Stop thinking so much =p
30. Be myself... It sounds like im trying to change who I am, and those things will happen, but I will have down falls... I will always be myself


p.s. 31. Get back into dancing... on stage... It was my passion... and I'd like to get back into doing it again

omg, I almost lost it

someone just sent me an IM on my 'personal' facebook... so I would assume they knew... >.>

'Happy New Years to you and your boyfriend' is what she sent me.

omg, I almost lost it....
Almost sent her an IM just yelling at her, telling her to f off, and dont mess with me like that again.

Its bad enough people were sending me stuff like 'glad you are having a good christmas with your boy'

I mean, where do people get the nerves to point out AGAIN that I dont have anyone at all... yea. and its people who KNOW that im single.... it just pisses me off....
its one thing to be single...
its another for people to laugh at you and rub it in your fucking face! D<
I am so ready to just start a new life all over again... so ready.

on the good side... I went to church today, and prayed,... and prayed that good will happen in my life soon