To be honestly..... I did this blog to make me happy.... to write only about happy things during the day.
Well,, nothing really 'happy' happens to me anymore.....
so I guess today was an alright day....
didnt go fishing, but had a looong trip...
came home to still being stressed out,..... jess and jared talking about me was rather entertaining...
than I did some dreads, watched...... well I already forgot what its called.
ate...
took a shower, did a lot of thinking...
came out to a commercial saying 'I wish I died'
-sigh-
I might.... might... go edit my vf profile, and myspace profile.... might
Sunday, May 30, 2010
Saturday, May 29, 2010
65
so I woke up, and it was already too late to go fishing.... gr.
so later on in the day my dad and I went to go buy some camping, fishing gear :]
than went out for lunch
:]
and that was my first time trying octopus and it was pretty good
than I decided to try tumpora banana.... yuck.
than chip decided to RUIN MY DAY!!!
i called him and just cursed him out and I think it kinda leet out a lot of stress but I ended up saying some stuff I shouldnt have said.
UGH i hate those guys. I wish I never ever met them at alllll
that or I hope they die some how
the end
im so hating today
oh, Jared made a facebook. yay
so later on in the day my dad and I went to go buy some camping, fishing gear :]
than went out for lunch
:]
and that was my first time trying octopus and it was pretty good
than I decided to try tumpora banana.... yuck.
than chip decided to RUIN MY DAY!!!
i called him and just cursed him out and I think it kinda leet out a lot of stress but I ended up saying some stuff I shouldnt have said.
UGH i hate those guys. I wish I never ever met them at alllll
that or I hope they die some how
the end
im so hating today
oh, Jared made a facebook. yay
Day 63, and 64
Day 63
See, this is the reason why I need to do it each day or I'll forget....
Jared said I took a nap, did some dreads, and just stayed home all day, oh, and photoshopped some pictures from day 64 I think it was....
Im also sure that me and chip argued....
but anyways, who cares about day 63,.... well, I got to eat steak though :]
Day 64:
OMG, BEST DAY EVER!!!!
So I wake up to Jared at my glass door.... which made me smile...
We ended up crawling into bed and took a nap, but my bed has a bunch of junk on it, so it was a tight fit, but we were actually able to fall asleep for a little however it was getting hot....
And I had a dream that we were standing next to these close lines with dead flowers hanging from them....
I was trying to arrange them juust right because I think.... that was our wedding day.
I have weird dreams when I get really hot. Than Muggle decided he wanted to lay ontop of jared,... and at some point of time, he also decided to bite his foot. haha.
Than I started to text chip to see when he was coming over. ok, I dont even want to talk about it. he is such a little child.
But as soon as chip came over and grabbed his stuff, I made some eggs, bacon, and... STRAWBERRY SHORT CAKE!!! It was actually pretty good for my first time :]
Than we started watching the rest of the turlock video... it was kinda boring.....
but than we decided to get ready..... well I did.
I put on my little outfit and my dreads, which was kind of a pain, and my outfit was super uncomfortable.
But we headed out downtown... so... may... whistles lol
We got downtown, spent hours waiting for buses, and walking to bus stops, and riding buses... and while we were riding the bus, we found out I got HELLA picture comments already from the pictures he took
but we got to his work place for him to pick up his check, and my dad called, and I told him what we were up to, lol and he said 'well good, now he could take you out somewhere nice to eat' lol
so after that we walked around looking for an icecream place..... we ended up finding out it was like art day or something, it was pretty cool. I love how me and Jared have art/photography in common.... it was nice just walking around looking at pictures.
Than we headed into hottopic, there was this fuzzy animal hat I've been dying to have but they have been sold out for a while... Than we ended up findin this icecream place.... we tried out a lot of different flavors.....
I ended up getting the carmel apple, you know, like the candy, and chocolate covered stawberries..... omg, sooo good!!!
and Jared got peach, and just plain carmel. we sat there listening to music, and talking.... it was nice....
Afterwards we walked into this store called.... 'just colorado' I think, it was like somewhat a tourist indian store. It was rather interesting. We went to this one section where there was dead bugs and such inside of harden sap or whatever its called, and I was telling Jared how I found one once with a bat inside, and as I said that I moved some papers around from ontop of the table and what do you know, there was one. And I wanted to get it sooo bad, but I decided to save my money.
So we left and took the free bus thingy down to the end of the road and decided to go stick our feet in the river :]
I friggen love Jared, hes so fun lol.
we sat there talking and just chilling till we decided to go feather down the river and decided to just walk around in it.... It was super relaxing.
Than we walked over to the skate park, and on the way we found this little sitting area ontop of the hill, it was like a hole in the hill or whatever, it was cool.
But we got to the skatepark and met up with some of his friends. He was hella funny, and I guess I have him on my modeling page. haha
anyways, we waited for the bus, and some people whistled at me and Jared asked
'doesnt that flatter you?'
and of course I said 'not really.... its just funny how all guys are the same.... such pervs' lol
than he said '....those were girls'
Me: *blush* '................oh'
haha, lol that was hella funny.
but by the time we got on the bus and got over to where Jared needed to cash his check [it was cool, his bank is open 24/7 but they were just atms but it was like inside] than we went over to chapotle and got some foom. yum
than we went and waited for the bus again....
Finally we got to the mall where the baby bat industrial club was at..... wasnt very full and it was mostly just young kids....
so we found klaa and asked to put our stuff in the car...
so we did, and some people came up to us and were all like 'do you know who's car this is?'
and we said yea, that it was klaa's car....
I didnt mind that part, but than when she kept asking us what we were doing, what we were lookin for, and that we wouldnt be able to find it, and that SHE would look... as if we dont know klaa, and as if we were not friends with klaa.... probably because Jared was 'different' which really pissed me off.....
and than when she asked if I made my dreads, and Jared said that I make and sell them she had to be all like 'oh,... well yea, of course, so do I'
whaaaat ever.
anyways, as soon as we walked in again this really pretty talll girl came up and started asking me about my dreads. yea,... she was pretty. lol.
anyways, we ended up talking to her a whole bunch, than I found Benjamen!!! He was one of my photographers.... than we were sitting around, and he had this whole gang follow him, and than he pointed at me, and told me to come along. I am in one of his books! His modeling books! omg, it was fricken SWEET!!! but my face was all red and junk from being soo cold from the shoot that I ended up not really liking some of the pictures.
but yea, we were having fun... and than Jared found two people he went to school with! Than that pretty girl, Virus, I found out that she was going out with one of my friends, the one that was modeling with me with Benjamen, WHAT A SMALL ASS WORLD!!
and Jared said he'd help him get a job and such, so I think we made a few good friends.
it was fun even though we just went there just to talk, but thats kinda what the whole thing was about, socializing,, not really much of a club....
than we all packed into the car, me and Jared in the back.... I was really sad when Jared had to leave =[
on the way home me and Virus were talking up a storm, and that one girl in the front was talking, but I hella couldnt understand what the hell she was saying. Hearing problems suck.....
Day 64...
Such a great day....
I miss him so much and wish I could see him everyday... well... maybe with a few breaks here and there since I tend to get stressed like that, but that is what work days are for.
But it was like such a romantic day...
and I love how he asks why him, and such, but there is no way to really describe why...
Oh, and derrick text, drunk again lol. thats like the only time he really texts me.
and Damien called, and Jared said hi :]
OH!!! We found this one place off of the 16th street mall that is totally rundown but still good enough for a shop! omg, it was SO cool looking!
See, this is the reason why I need to do it each day or I'll forget....
Jared said I took a nap, did some dreads, and just stayed home all day, oh, and photoshopped some pictures from day 64 I think it was....
Im also sure that me and chip argued....
but anyways, who cares about day 63,.... well, I got to eat steak though :]
Day 64:
OMG, BEST DAY EVER!!!!
So I wake up to Jared at my glass door.... which made me smile...
We ended up crawling into bed and took a nap, but my bed has a bunch of junk on it, so it was a tight fit, but we were actually able to fall asleep for a little however it was getting hot....
And I had a dream that we were standing next to these close lines with dead flowers hanging from them....
I was trying to arrange them juust right because I think.... that was our wedding day.
I have weird dreams when I get really hot. Than Muggle decided he wanted to lay ontop of jared,... and at some point of time, he also decided to bite his foot. haha.
Than I started to text chip to see when he was coming over. ok, I dont even want to talk about it. he is such a little child.
But as soon as chip came over and grabbed his stuff, I made some eggs, bacon, and... STRAWBERRY SHORT CAKE!!! It was actually pretty good for my first time :]
Than we started watching the rest of the turlock video... it was kinda boring.....
but than we decided to get ready..... well I did.
I put on my little outfit and my dreads, which was kind of a pain, and my outfit was super uncomfortable.
But we headed out downtown... so... may... whistles lol
We got downtown, spent hours waiting for buses, and walking to bus stops, and riding buses... and while we were riding the bus, we found out I got HELLA picture comments already from the pictures he took
but we got to his work place for him to pick up his check, and my dad called, and I told him what we were up to, lol and he said 'well good, now he could take you out somewhere nice to eat' lol
so after that we walked around looking for an icecream place..... we ended up finding out it was like art day or something, it was pretty cool. I love how me and Jared have art/photography in common.... it was nice just walking around looking at pictures.
Than we headed into hottopic, there was this fuzzy animal hat I've been dying to have but they have been sold out for a while... Than we ended up findin this icecream place.... we tried out a lot of different flavors.....
I ended up getting the carmel apple, you know, like the candy, and chocolate covered stawberries..... omg, sooo good!!!
and Jared got peach, and just plain carmel. we sat there listening to music, and talking.... it was nice....
Afterwards we walked into this store called.... 'just colorado' I think, it was like somewhat a tourist indian store. It was rather interesting. We went to this one section where there was dead bugs and such inside of harden sap or whatever its called, and I was telling Jared how I found one once with a bat inside, and as I said that I moved some papers around from ontop of the table and what do you know, there was one. And I wanted to get it sooo bad, but I decided to save my money.
So we left and took the free bus thingy down to the end of the road and decided to go stick our feet in the river :]
I friggen love Jared, hes so fun lol.
we sat there talking and just chilling till we decided to go feather down the river and decided to just walk around in it.... It was super relaxing.
Than we walked over to the skate park, and on the way we found this little sitting area ontop of the hill, it was like a hole in the hill or whatever, it was cool.
But we got to the skatepark and met up with some of his friends. He was hella funny, and I guess I have him on my modeling page. haha
anyways, we waited for the bus, and some people whistled at me and Jared asked
'doesnt that flatter you?'
and of course I said 'not really.... its just funny how all guys are the same.... such pervs' lol
than he said '....those were girls'
Me: *blush* '................oh'
haha, lol that was hella funny.
but by the time we got on the bus and got over to where Jared needed to cash his check [it was cool, his bank is open 24/7 but they were just atms but it was like inside] than we went over to chapotle and got some foom. yum
than we went and waited for the bus again....
Finally we got to the mall where the baby bat industrial club was at..... wasnt very full and it was mostly just young kids....
so we found klaa and asked to put our stuff in the car...
so we did, and some people came up to us and were all like 'do you know who's car this is?'
and we said yea, that it was klaa's car....
I didnt mind that part, but than when she kept asking us what we were doing, what we were lookin for, and that we wouldnt be able to find it, and that SHE would look... as if we dont know klaa, and as if we were not friends with klaa.... probably because Jared was 'different' which really pissed me off.....
and than when she asked if I made my dreads, and Jared said that I make and sell them she had to be all like 'oh,... well yea, of course, so do I'
whaaaat ever.
anyways, as soon as we walked in again this really pretty talll girl came up and started asking me about my dreads. yea,... she was pretty. lol.
anyways, we ended up talking to her a whole bunch, than I found Benjamen!!! He was one of my photographers.... than we were sitting around, and he had this whole gang follow him, and than he pointed at me, and told me to come along. I am in one of his books! His modeling books! omg, it was fricken SWEET!!! but my face was all red and junk from being soo cold from the shoot that I ended up not really liking some of the pictures.
but yea, we were having fun... and than Jared found two people he went to school with! Than that pretty girl, Virus, I found out that she was going out with one of my friends, the one that was modeling with me with Benjamen, WHAT A SMALL ASS WORLD!!
and Jared said he'd help him get a job and such, so I think we made a few good friends.
it was fun even though we just went there just to talk, but thats kinda what the whole thing was about, socializing,, not really much of a club....
than we all packed into the car, me and Jared in the back.... I was really sad when Jared had to leave =[
on the way home me and Virus were talking up a storm, and that one girl in the front was talking, but I hella couldnt understand what the hell she was saying. Hearing problems suck.....
Day 64...
Such a great day....
I miss him so much and wish I could see him everyday... well... maybe with a few breaks here and there since I tend to get stressed like that, but that is what work days are for.
But it was like such a romantic day...
and I love how he asks why him, and such, but there is no way to really describe why...
Oh, and derrick text, drunk again lol. thats like the only time he really texts me.
and Damien called, and Jared said hi :]
OH!!! We found this one place off of the 16th street mall that is totally rundown but still good enough for a shop! omg, it was SO cool looking!
Thursday, May 27, 2010
Day 60, 61, 62
Day 60 [Monday]
I cant really remember what was going on that day, but the boys ended up waking up late, and not coming over, so I planned it for the next day.....
So monday I decided to make some dreads and ended up watching a movie with my dad.
The Hurt locker
it was a really good movie, but kind of confusing..... confusing was the kid part. They didnt even show anything about what was going on with the kid...
and the sad part was the guy who had children, and got killed by a bomb strapped on him. At least the guy tried to get it off of him.
Than some kid tried telling me I dont know anything about goth.... well that was a horrible conversation. Sure I dont know EVERYTHING and I dont know much about music because I dont listen to a lot of music, its the fashion that Im REALLY into.... And if your going to have a clothing store, thats what really matters.... Besides, Richie would be the music person, so im not too worried,... and Ronnie knows a LOT about the culture.... well at least one part of the culture.... But Im still going to do a lot of research anyways.
Day 61 [Tuesday]
I woke up, got online for a bit, than finished a few more dreads as Andrew and Chip were blowing up my phone about when to come over, which I said 3, because Jared wanted to be here to make sure everything went alright.... and was getting upset cause his work was taking a lot longer than he thought it was, and by the time he was done, his dad couldnt pick him up, so I went to the office and printed some stuff out, and headed back home... Jared was like hecka pissed that I was letting the boys come over without him there, but I didnt want to put this off more and more....
so when the boys came over and grabbed their stuff, Chip did something to try and make me look stupid, which didnt work, so I just said whatever... hes hella stupid for thinking that I believed him. Thats the thing about me, if people think im stupid, I'll just shut up and get back at them later on. I hate stupid people..... Especially chip. God those two boys make me so mad. I cant wait till they get out of my life 100% And you know what? They could go die for all I care.
Anyways, after they left I told Chip that I wasnt stupid, and than he started throwing a stupid little kid's fit about this and that, and omg, he is soooo stupid. I finally told him that Andrew was gonna send Kayla the pictures of him and this girl,... and he didnt respond after that. fucking bitch,..... see, your the stupid one. you think Andrew is your friend.... he isnt. We are all not friends you dumb ass.....
anyways after a while my dad came home after I did the dishes and such.... and than Jared came over, only he told me to go meet him at the bus stop, so when I walked over there, he walked a different way, I stood there like an idiot till I was like 'where the fuck are you?!?!'
his response 'at your house' omg, that hella pissed me off.... but whatever. My dad took us to the mall, I got a fish taco, than we went to red robins... it was... meh... I got nachos.... it was a mexican night for me I guess...
than we went around shopping for a lil, but I didnt see much of what I wanted... gr.
anyways, my dad picked us up, and dropped Jared off, and we went back home....
My dad agreed to take us over to this one spot that me and Jared wanted to shoot way early in the morning... yay.
So I went home looked for a bunch of pictures, asked Jared to bring his camera, tripod, and clothes, his black shirt.... EVEN IF IT WASNT CLEAN!!! because not like it REALLY mattered, he was just going to wear it for the shoot....
Day 62 [Wednesday]
Jared text me early in the morning,...
guess what?
He didnt bring his camera, he didnt bring his clothes,... AND HE DIDNT BRING HIS TRIPOD!!!!
ugh, I was soooo upset.......
But whatever....
not really whatever, it kinda ruined the whole thing.....
but yea.
so I tossed my clothes in the drying to dewrinkle, got ready, and yea, than Jared got here...
so quickly I showed him the pictures, than we were off....
It was more of a drive than I thought it was but we got there.... We took pictures for like 3 hours! it felt like forever, but it was kinda fun... interesting, COLD!!! It wouldnt have been that bad if I had towels, but I didnt think to bring them, and my backpack was full enough already.... so after the 3 hours of messing around, we walked to the bus stop, which felt like forever lol.
Than we stopped at ihop, got breakfast... it was kinda funny... we both got stuffed french toast, both got scrambled eggs, and both got sausage,.. both said 'bacon' first, when we meant to say sausage... but he got strawberry and I got blue berry :] I like blueberries, than walked to the next bus stop... Jared's ankle was hurting HELL OF A LOT and I felt so bad for him.
after that we went home, and took a few hour nap.... got up, than started watching The Hurt Locker [yes, second time for me but Jared wanted to watch it] and after that...... it was time to go home =[
I hate this part of the day.... as soon as we get to his house it seems like time goes by sooo fast... and it sucks.
and this time I had to ride the bus alone.... he road it with me part way... which Im happy for cause I would have so gotten lost.... we talked a little bit about his past with Jennifer....
but when I got on the next bus, my dad called... he didnt want me riding the bus alone, and Jared kept insisting that he came with me to not ride the bus alone, but he would have missed his ride home...
but when I got off... I waited for a little over an hour, in the cold... I had to use my fricken scarf!!! but I got home, and Mathew started texting me cause I wanted to know if he was still planning of shooting tomorrow. God he is so stupid... and such an immature photographer. I hate how photographers think they are professional when they suck ass..... Or dont want escorts... how lame. And he was a 'so called friend' too... I keep running into these so called friends all the time....
whatever, his loss....
anyways, I finally got home! yay.
Day 63 [this morning]
Damien called me! Yay. He said he had been working all night, and hadnt gone to sleep yet, but felt the need to call me, and said I can call any time after 9 on his new cell... and that he wanted me to come and visit next month. what a great way to wake up :]
I cant really remember what was going on that day, but the boys ended up waking up late, and not coming over, so I planned it for the next day.....
So monday I decided to make some dreads and ended up watching a movie with my dad.
The Hurt locker
it was a really good movie, but kind of confusing..... confusing was the kid part. They didnt even show anything about what was going on with the kid...
and the sad part was the guy who had children, and got killed by a bomb strapped on him. At least the guy tried to get it off of him.
Than some kid tried telling me I dont know anything about goth.... well that was a horrible conversation. Sure I dont know EVERYTHING and I dont know much about music because I dont listen to a lot of music, its the fashion that Im REALLY into.... And if your going to have a clothing store, thats what really matters.... Besides, Richie would be the music person, so im not too worried,... and Ronnie knows a LOT about the culture.... well at least one part of the culture.... But Im still going to do a lot of research anyways.
Day 61 [Tuesday]
I woke up, got online for a bit, than finished a few more dreads as Andrew and Chip were blowing up my phone about when to come over, which I said 3, because Jared wanted to be here to make sure everything went alright.... and was getting upset cause his work was taking a lot longer than he thought it was, and by the time he was done, his dad couldnt pick him up, so I went to the office and printed some stuff out, and headed back home... Jared was like hecka pissed that I was letting the boys come over without him there, but I didnt want to put this off more and more....
so when the boys came over and grabbed their stuff, Chip did something to try and make me look stupid, which didnt work, so I just said whatever... hes hella stupid for thinking that I believed him. Thats the thing about me, if people think im stupid, I'll just shut up and get back at them later on. I hate stupid people..... Especially chip. God those two boys make me so mad. I cant wait till they get out of my life 100% And you know what? They could go die for all I care.
Anyways, after they left I told Chip that I wasnt stupid, and than he started throwing a stupid little kid's fit about this and that, and omg, he is soooo stupid. I finally told him that Andrew was gonna send Kayla the pictures of him and this girl,... and he didnt respond after that. fucking bitch,..... see, your the stupid one. you think Andrew is your friend.... he isnt. We are all not friends you dumb ass.....
anyways after a while my dad came home after I did the dishes and such.... and than Jared came over, only he told me to go meet him at the bus stop, so when I walked over there, he walked a different way, I stood there like an idiot till I was like 'where the fuck are you?!?!'
his response 'at your house' omg, that hella pissed me off.... but whatever. My dad took us to the mall, I got a fish taco, than we went to red robins... it was... meh... I got nachos.... it was a mexican night for me I guess...
than we went around shopping for a lil, but I didnt see much of what I wanted... gr.
anyways, my dad picked us up, and dropped Jared off, and we went back home....
My dad agreed to take us over to this one spot that me and Jared wanted to shoot way early in the morning... yay.
So I went home looked for a bunch of pictures, asked Jared to bring his camera, tripod, and clothes, his black shirt.... EVEN IF IT WASNT CLEAN!!! because not like it REALLY mattered, he was just going to wear it for the shoot....
Day 62 [Wednesday]
Jared text me early in the morning,...
guess what?
He didnt bring his camera, he didnt bring his clothes,... AND HE DIDNT BRING HIS TRIPOD!!!!
ugh, I was soooo upset.......
But whatever....
not really whatever, it kinda ruined the whole thing.....
but yea.
so I tossed my clothes in the drying to dewrinkle, got ready, and yea, than Jared got here...
so quickly I showed him the pictures, than we were off....
It was more of a drive than I thought it was but we got there.... We took pictures for like 3 hours! it felt like forever, but it was kinda fun... interesting, COLD!!! It wouldnt have been that bad if I had towels, but I didnt think to bring them, and my backpack was full enough already.... so after the 3 hours of messing around, we walked to the bus stop, which felt like forever lol.
Than we stopped at ihop, got breakfast... it was kinda funny... we both got stuffed french toast, both got scrambled eggs, and both got sausage,.. both said 'bacon' first, when we meant to say sausage... but he got strawberry and I got blue berry :] I like blueberries, than walked to the next bus stop... Jared's ankle was hurting HELL OF A LOT and I felt so bad for him.
after that we went home, and took a few hour nap.... got up, than started watching The Hurt Locker [yes, second time for me but Jared wanted to watch it] and after that...... it was time to go home =[
I hate this part of the day.... as soon as we get to his house it seems like time goes by sooo fast... and it sucks.
and this time I had to ride the bus alone.... he road it with me part way... which Im happy for cause I would have so gotten lost.... we talked a little bit about his past with Jennifer....
but when I got on the next bus, my dad called... he didnt want me riding the bus alone, and Jared kept insisting that he came with me to not ride the bus alone, but he would have missed his ride home...
but when I got off... I waited for a little over an hour, in the cold... I had to use my fricken scarf!!! but I got home, and Mathew started texting me cause I wanted to know if he was still planning of shooting tomorrow. God he is so stupid... and such an immature photographer. I hate how photographers think they are professional when they suck ass..... Or dont want escorts... how lame. And he was a 'so called friend' too... I keep running into these so called friends all the time....
whatever, his loss....
anyways, I finally got home! yay.
Day 63 [this morning]
Damien called me! Yay. He said he had been working all night, and hadnt gone to sleep yet, but felt the need to call me, and said I can call any time after 9 on his new cell... and that he wanted me to come and visit next month. what a great way to wake up :]
Sunday, May 23, 2010
58 & 59
So yesterday, day 58, I went down to the springs, and yay, that was totally awesome!!!
I got to see Jess and YAAAY!!!! Untill her dad totally started ranting to her about stupid stuff....
which also has to deal with me and Jared....
When our parents were younger, Im sure they were sleeping with their loved ones at our age.... because they have had jobs since forever, since they were young, so they were able to do what they want at our age... but no adays, life is so much harder....
and in my dictionary, 'sleeping with eacch other' means 'sleeping in the same bed/taking a nap' not having sex....
anyways the poor girl started crying....
but anyways, we got our stuff together, and started taking some interesting pictures, and as soon as we find a nice place to take pictures in a field type place,..... my camera died as soon as I was done taking pictures for Jess, and I wanted some for myself....
and as I was doing that, chip just had to go ruin my day by saying 'I dont care... I NEVER LIKED YOU IN THE FIRST PLACE' oh my god, that pissed me off sooo bad considering I let him live with me while he was homeless..... than andrew said 'well can I still get my stuff? I dont see why your so mad' and I told him what chip said, and he was all like 'well chip is way too emotional, I didnt say that, he did'
so I told my dad about it, and my dad doesnt like them one bit, and frankly, im etting so fed up with it....
so than we headed home, and went to the movies.... we went to go see Robin Hood.... It was alright I suppose.... actually pretty good,... had a little comedy in it :]
Day 58....
I will never trust a single soul ever again
Day 59....
this morning was pretty interesting after taking a few hour nap.
anyways, we ended up watching some of the turlock video...
than we went to go to some family party of Jared's and that one dino came from the rockies game... it was hella funny...
than we ended up going back home.... hung out for a while, talked, than chip started talking to me......
he said sorry and shit, but im sure they just wants his shit back....
and now andrew is threatening me about shit, so he doesnt have to pay me my money, and for me to give his shit...
yea, not gonna happen...
but he is REALLY trying to black mail me which wont work anyways
FUCK MY LIFE, IM SO FUCKING READY TO FUCKING DIE!!!!
I got to see Jess and YAAAY!!!! Untill her dad totally started ranting to her about stupid stuff....
which also has to deal with me and Jared....
When our parents were younger, Im sure they were sleeping with their loved ones at our age.... because they have had jobs since forever, since they were young, so they were able to do what they want at our age... but no adays, life is so much harder....
and in my dictionary, 'sleeping with eacch other' means 'sleeping in the same bed/taking a nap' not having sex....
anyways the poor girl started crying....
but anyways, we got our stuff together, and started taking some interesting pictures, and as soon as we find a nice place to take pictures in a field type place,..... my camera died as soon as I was done taking pictures for Jess, and I wanted some for myself....
and as I was doing that, chip just had to go ruin my day by saying 'I dont care... I NEVER LIKED YOU IN THE FIRST PLACE' oh my god, that pissed me off sooo bad considering I let him live with me while he was homeless..... than andrew said 'well can I still get my stuff? I dont see why your so mad' and I told him what chip said, and he was all like 'well chip is way too emotional, I didnt say that, he did'
so I told my dad about it, and my dad doesnt like them one bit, and frankly, im etting so fed up with it....
so than we headed home, and went to the movies.... we went to go see Robin Hood.... It was alright I suppose.... actually pretty good,... had a little comedy in it :]
Day 58....
I will never trust a single soul ever again
Day 59....
this morning was pretty interesting after taking a few hour nap.
anyways, we ended up watching some of the turlock video...
than we went to go to some family party of Jared's and that one dino came from the rockies game... it was hella funny...
than we ended up going back home.... hung out for a while, talked, than chip started talking to me......
he said sorry and shit, but im sure they just wants his shit back....
and now andrew is threatening me about shit, so he doesnt have to pay me my money, and for me to give his shit...
yea, not gonna happen...
but he is REALLY trying to black mail me which wont work anyways
FUCK MY LIFE, IM SO FUCKING READY TO FUCKING DIE!!!!
Friday, May 21, 2010
57
I awoke around 11....
and I just got online, and.... well, I cant even remember.
anyways, I went to the dentist... and man... I have lots of shit going on in my mouth...
cavities from my old filler thingies, gonna get caps, and more fillings, and yea....
for say we get EVERYTHING done,... well, lets just say my insurance wont cover it...
the lady... the actual DENTIST dentist,... not the lady who gives you the xray, and pokes your mouth with a sharp hook, and the one that gives you the polish, the actual dentist who comes in and just stares at your teeth and says 'we're gonna do this this this and this'... that person. She was super scary. first she came over, and I thought she was just faking it when she goes [with a super sweet voice] "Hiii.... its nice to meet you Krystalle... Im so and so..."
But when she started using her hands slowly waving them around saying 'we are going to make your smile 'beautiful' [waves hands slowly in a rainbow shape]
'We are going to make things soooooo much better'
with her SUPER sweet soft voice.... she reminds me of that evil lady on harry potter with the weird little giggle, and her HELLA strict rules,... but tried to sound super sweet....
anyways, yea.... I have a lot going on.
anyways, I came home, talking to klaa... he told a girl he wouldnt 'hang out' with her because she 'types like a 6th grader' which I thought was really rude.... b3cu2e 2h3 t4lks l1k3 th1s.... which is really annoying yes... but ronnie used to talk like that, and he just so happened to have been the coolest person ever. you cant judge people by what they look like, or how they type,... out of all people, I thought Klaa would be the last to judge people.
anyways, than I went out to dinner with my dad. we were supposed to go to a thai place... but we couldnt find it ugh!
so we ended up going to a sushi place... meh, it wasnt the greatest. we can never find a good sushi place in colorado....
anyways... yea, that was my day. oh, the boys said they moved out and just need their stuff........ I really hope they pay me back, after that, we can be friends, or not... whatever they want to do...
but im back to feeling alone and just with jared... which is fine, but in a way, its not. you'd want a lover, but you'd also want friends right?
day 57
like always, Im left in the dust... and right now all I have is Jared
So Jared, I hope you never leave me....
even if I did have my friends here, I hope you never go
and I just got online, and.... well, I cant even remember.
anyways, I went to the dentist... and man... I have lots of shit going on in my mouth...
cavities from my old filler thingies, gonna get caps, and more fillings, and yea....
for say we get EVERYTHING done,... well, lets just say my insurance wont cover it...
the lady... the actual DENTIST dentist,... not the lady who gives you the xray, and pokes your mouth with a sharp hook, and the one that gives you the polish, the actual dentist who comes in and just stares at your teeth and says 'we're gonna do this this this and this'... that person. She was super scary. first she came over, and I thought she was just faking it when she goes [with a super sweet voice] "Hiii.... its nice to meet you Krystalle... Im so and so..."
But when she started using her hands slowly waving them around saying 'we are going to make your smile 'beautiful' [waves hands slowly in a rainbow shape]
'We are going to make things soooooo much better'
with her SUPER sweet soft voice.... she reminds me of that evil lady on harry potter with the weird little giggle, and her HELLA strict rules,... but tried to sound super sweet....
anyways, yea.... I have a lot going on.
anyways, I came home, talking to klaa... he told a girl he wouldnt 'hang out' with her because she 'types like a 6th grader' which I thought was really rude.... b3cu2e 2h3 t4lks l1k3 th1s.... which is really annoying yes... but ronnie used to talk like that, and he just so happened to have been the coolest person ever. you cant judge people by what they look like, or how they type,... out of all people, I thought Klaa would be the last to judge people.
anyways, than I went out to dinner with my dad. we were supposed to go to a thai place... but we couldnt find it ugh!
so we ended up going to a sushi place... meh, it wasnt the greatest. we can never find a good sushi place in colorado....
anyways... yea, that was my day. oh, the boys said they moved out and just need their stuff........ I really hope they pay me back, after that, we can be friends, or not... whatever they want to do...
but im back to feeling alone and just with jared... which is fine, but in a way, its not. you'd want a lover, but you'd also want friends right?
day 57
like always, Im left in the dust... and right now all I have is Jared
So Jared, I hope you never leave me....
even if I did have my friends here, I hope you never go
Thursday, May 20, 2010
55 and 56...
55....
what happened yesterday?
I cant remember.... except I think my dad told me to make a drivers test for friday... and than he mad a dentist appointment for me for friday, which totally ruined my date with Jared....
Than I walked with chip to wallgreens, and I got some dietary stuff, than I drove with my dad to the college.... WE WERE TOO LATE!!
ugh. so than my dad said we'd come back 'thursday' which is the day I re-arranged the date with Jared, so I was like 'fucking hell man, shit! Now i'll never get to see Jared!' and I almost started crying on the way out of the school.....
So we came home, and my dad was kinda upset that no one had cooked dinner for that day.... so I went out in the livingroom after debating if I should go cry in bed or not, and asked my dad if he wanted me to cook, than Andrew offered to cook... which totally made me happy, but totally lead me to my room to cry....
after a little while my dad came in and asked if I was mad at him, which I wasnt, except he totally needs to tell me... or ASK me ahead of time before making arrangements for me.... but I wasnt mad about the college thing, it wasnt his fault....
I think I also asked Bass's gf if she could talk to bass about sending my stuff... and she was totally nice about it, which made me at least a lil happy.....
Day 55....
Dates ruined
totally made me cry!!!
56....
So I am getting ready, and my dad tells me to not forget to call the place, and leaves.... so I ended up walking around the house in a tank top and my underware since the boys were not home. yay....
and I was really.... REALLY trying to find something for a cute outfit....
Than as I was still trying to do that, Jared comes over around 8 ish or something....
we get to his house, and Im HELLA trying to get ahold of the COF thingy, which I filled out, but I was trying to get some information on if it's not all authorized and stuff yet, if I just told the school that I have been here, and the whole thing was pending, if they would just go through with the process.... but didnt work.
so I have to wait till next semester now to do it....
anyways, that took out a HUGE portion of my day, just fucking sitting there for like an hour doing NOTHING but waiting.....
than we watched twilight 2... omg, jacob is hot. lol
Jared said he caught me drooling when he ripped his shirt off pretty much, but I wasnt. I was so about to laugh cause I saw Jared look over at me, omg, it was tooooo funny....
anyways, after that we went down to things that glow, than nu world. for global, me and jared are gonna sorta match... I sooo cant wait
I rode the bus today totally free..... and we rode the light rail free.... does ANYONE even pay? I dont think so.
oh, totally forgot... BASS CONTACTED ME!!! totally text me....
saying 'Look, im dropping ur shot off at ur grandparents in a few days, and if you ever contact my gf like that again pray to god I dont find out'
so I said: 'Aw why, you going to kill me?'
bass: 'No, just burn every trace of you out of my life'
Me: 'havnt you already done that you fucking backstabber?'
Bass: 'Not yet I havent'
Me: 'Well I contacted you for over 60 just to see if you were fucking alive and NOW you contact me. you died to me a few days back.... cant you just mail me my stuff? I gave you money for that'
and he never responded after that.....
I just hope he sends EVERYTHING to me, or my grandparents....
so yea, anyways, we finally got home, and jared's bro and mom picked us up from the smoke shop... it was kinda funny, but Jared said that his mom wanted to take me out shopping... totally not what I thought he meant but she still rocks.
anyways after that we got home, and walked around for a while and took pictures. yaaay I love how he loves to take pictures, but its kinda weird at the same time. I just need to get used to it.
oh, so we got home, than soon after just laying there, we had to go and get on the bus.... we had a lot of deep conversations today....
some good, some bad.
I just hope that if I ever do move, that he wouldnt just be all like 'welp, it was fun while it lasted, bye'
Im tired of that happening to me all the time, and Im always moving for some odd reason.....
I just hope I can trust him.... which I can.... but, there are just some things that are too personal to talk about, but yea....
anyways, so Bass's 'girl friend' as he says said 'we have not been dating since FEBRUARY' <-----!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! WHAT?!?!?!?!?!?!?!!!!!!????!!!!!????!?!?!
omg, I will KILL THAT MOTHER FUCKER AS SOON AS I SEE HIM!! [not really] Feb... he said he had not dated her since... way before he met me.... [like, at the airport met me met me]
we were 'hooked up' in February! We've been hooked up for MONTHS!!! and you two were DATING?!?! omfg... I cant believe that..... seriously........... I must have been the most stupidest girl in the whole entire world.... really.....
I mean, I did get kicked out on o3/o8/1o and we were having sex and all....
you even lied to Damien..... or Damien lied to me, which I dont think he would have.
I knew there was a reason for me not dating him besides Ronnie....
day 56....
totally ruined day, yet a great day.
I had a good time with Jared, I just wish I could spend MORE time with him....
Now im sitting here watching the turlock video part 1
I ccant believe myself...
chip is a total ass!!! he is rude, and im done.... I dont like the way he talked to/about [same sorta] Jared.... pissed me the fuck off
bass needs to go like, jump off a bridge
me and Jared talked about when we want to be parents.
he would be the typical everyday way overly too protective dad lol
no offense
what happened yesterday?
I cant remember.... except I think my dad told me to make a drivers test for friday... and than he mad a dentist appointment for me for friday, which totally ruined my date with Jared....
Than I walked with chip to wallgreens, and I got some dietary stuff, than I drove with my dad to the college.... WE WERE TOO LATE!!
ugh. so than my dad said we'd come back 'thursday' which is the day I re-arranged the date with Jared, so I was like 'fucking hell man, shit! Now i'll never get to see Jared!' and I almost started crying on the way out of the school.....
So we came home, and my dad was kinda upset that no one had cooked dinner for that day.... so I went out in the livingroom after debating if I should go cry in bed or not, and asked my dad if he wanted me to cook, than Andrew offered to cook... which totally made me happy, but totally lead me to my room to cry....
after a little while my dad came in and asked if I was mad at him, which I wasnt, except he totally needs to tell me... or ASK me ahead of time before making arrangements for me.... but I wasnt mad about the college thing, it wasnt his fault....
I think I also asked Bass's gf if she could talk to bass about sending my stuff... and she was totally nice about it, which made me at least a lil happy.....
Day 55....
Dates ruined
totally made me cry!!!
56....
So I am getting ready, and my dad tells me to not forget to call the place, and leaves.... so I ended up walking around the house in a tank top and my underware since the boys were not home. yay....
and I was really.... REALLY trying to find something for a cute outfit....
Than as I was still trying to do that, Jared comes over around 8 ish or something....
we get to his house, and Im HELLA trying to get ahold of the COF thingy, which I filled out, but I was trying to get some information on if it's not all authorized and stuff yet, if I just told the school that I have been here, and the whole thing was pending, if they would just go through with the process.... but didnt work.
so I have to wait till next semester now to do it....
anyways, that took out a HUGE portion of my day, just fucking sitting there for like an hour doing NOTHING but waiting.....
than we watched twilight 2... omg, jacob is hot. lol
Jared said he caught me drooling when he ripped his shirt off pretty much, but I wasnt. I was so about to laugh cause I saw Jared look over at me, omg, it was tooooo funny....
anyways, after that we went down to things that glow, than nu world. for global, me and jared are gonna sorta match... I sooo cant wait
I rode the bus today totally free..... and we rode the light rail free.... does ANYONE even pay? I dont think so.
oh, totally forgot... BASS CONTACTED ME!!! totally text me....
saying 'Look, im dropping ur shot off at ur grandparents in a few days, and if you ever contact my gf like that again pray to god I dont find out'
so I said: 'Aw why, you going to kill me?'
bass: 'No, just burn every trace of you out of my life'
Me: 'havnt you already done that you fucking backstabber?'
Bass: 'Not yet I havent'
Me: 'Well I contacted you for over 60 just to see if you were fucking alive and NOW you contact me. you died to me a few days back.... cant you just mail me my stuff? I gave you money for that'
and he never responded after that.....
I just hope he sends EVERYTHING to me, or my grandparents....
so yea, anyways, we finally got home, and jared's bro and mom picked us up from the smoke shop... it was kinda funny, but Jared said that his mom wanted to take me out shopping... totally not what I thought he meant but she still rocks.
anyways after that we got home, and walked around for a while and took pictures. yaaay I love how he loves to take pictures, but its kinda weird at the same time. I just need to get used to it.
oh, so we got home, than soon after just laying there, we had to go and get on the bus.... we had a lot of deep conversations today....
some good, some bad.
I just hope that if I ever do move, that he wouldnt just be all like 'welp, it was fun while it lasted, bye'
Im tired of that happening to me all the time, and Im always moving for some odd reason.....
I just hope I can trust him.... which I can.... but, there are just some things that are too personal to talk about, but yea....
anyways, so Bass's 'girl friend' as he says said 'we have not been dating since FEBRUARY' <-----!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! WHAT?!?!?!?!?!?!?!!!!!!????!!!!!????!?!?!
omg, I will KILL THAT MOTHER FUCKER AS SOON AS I SEE HIM!! [not really] Feb... he said he had not dated her since... way before he met me.... [like, at the airport met me met me]
we were 'hooked up' in February! We've been hooked up for MONTHS!!! and you two were DATING?!?! omfg... I cant believe that..... seriously........... I must have been the most stupidest girl in the whole entire world.... really.....
I mean, I did get kicked out on o3/o8/1o and we were having sex and all....
you even lied to Damien..... or Damien lied to me, which I dont think he would have.
I knew there was a reason for me not dating him besides Ronnie....
day 56....
totally ruined day, yet a great day.
I had a good time with Jared, I just wish I could spend MORE time with him....
Now im sitting here watching the turlock video part 1
I ccant believe myself...
chip is a total ass!!! he is rude, and im done.... I dont like the way he talked to/about [same sorta] Jared.... pissed me the fuck off
bass needs to go like, jump off a bridge
me and Jared talked about when we want to be parents.
he would be the typical everyday way overly too protective dad lol
no offense
Tuesday, May 18, 2010
54
today started out horrible.... Klaa was talking about how HE wanted to do a club shop coffee shop hookah lounge,.... which would have totally ruined my shop, and I would have to move to make a living.
Than my dad ruined my date with Jared on Friday....
than I found out that bass deleted me off of myspace.....
which that'll be told in my xanga account
deafbats.xanga.com
anyways, I fixed my college thingy, looked into the business thing, cleaned a little, chip came home and cleaned a lil, took a shower, then went back to micheal's house...
than I talked to Jared a lil and than we started arguing about stupid shit....
and that pretty much was my day....
I look fat and I need to finish editing my pictures, but I dont think thats gonna happen tonight.
DAy 54
Im sitting here watching the lightning flash, and listening to the thunder.... I wish Jared was here....
Today is a new chapter
Bass didnt answer his phone... today is the last day that I call him everyday to check up on him
Than my dad ruined my date with Jared on Friday....
than I found out that bass deleted me off of myspace.....
which that'll be told in my xanga account
deafbats.xanga.com
anyways, I fixed my college thingy, looked into the business thing, cleaned a little, chip came home and cleaned a lil, took a shower, then went back to micheal's house...
than I talked to Jared a lil and than we started arguing about stupid shit....
and that pretty much was my day....
I look fat and I need to finish editing my pictures, but I dont think thats gonna happen tonight.
DAy 54
Im sitting here watching the lightning flash, and listening to the thunder.... I wish Jared was here....
Today is a new chapter
Bass didnt answer his phone... today is the last day that I call him everyday to check up on him
52, and 53
Ok,... 52 im guessing was sunday?
Jared says Im 3 days behind... but 51 says 'I got my steamer, and I make filipino food tomorrow' I made filiipino food sunday
So! I dont remember anything.... but me starting to make my dreads.... than making filipino food. our wrappers were the wrong kind, but we only found eggroll wrappers, so whatever... than the pancit didnt turn out that great... but my dad was the one who cooked it xp tehe...
but anyways, later on that night, andrew thought it'd be funny to lock chip out of the house when he went out to smoke... but then chip started banging on the door, and that is just way too disrespectful,... he could wake my dad up, so I thought 'dude, fuck off, you fucking deserve to be locked out' but I told him he was locked out for like 5 minutes... than he says 'well, lets see if I do actually pay you back than' yea, that pissed me off,.... I just wanted to kick him out right than and there... considering andrew told me that chip was already planning of not paying me back.....
anyways, once he got inside, i pretty much bitched him out because he was fucking stupid,... than later that night, I told him that I didnt even like him or andrew.. I love them, but I dont like them... does that make sense? they just piss me off all the time.
and I told chip that he wasnt being a friend, and he said that I wasnt being a friend by staying in my room all the time.....
well.... Yes, I stay in my room all the time, cause im tired of andrew's singing, im tired of listening to music all the time, Im tired of watching sports,... AND THEY LAY ON THE COUCH SO I CANT EVEN SIT DOWN IN THE FIRST PLACE!!!! Im tired of hearing andrew's stupid 'smart ass stories' because one, I think they are stupid. Not the concept, but everything else... because I dont give a shit... and I dont like his smart ass attitude.... sure, a smart ass is better than a dumb ass as he would say, but shutting your fucking mouth is better than both!
and im tired of listening to brandon on the phone 24/7, Im tired of hearing his stupid stories that are just... stupid and dont make sense at all....
Im pretty much like the walking dead... or in real life, its called 'suffering from depression' when people have no interest in anything, dont give a shit, dont feel like talking, dont feel like listening, and just roating [however you spell that word, I can never spell it] your life away.... and I should be going to counciling[sp], but I dont feel like it, I should be taking pills, but I dont feel like it.... and it'd be nice if the boys could understand that....
and understand I dont give a shit about what they talk about.... and understand that YES! I do stay in my room for their own good... because if I was out there all the time, I'd get so mad, and just flip out, and kick them out.... I stay in here because I LIKE the silence... note, thats why my t.v. isnt on, or why I dont play music....
anyways, after I told him that, he just blew me off, and said he didnt want to talk anymore. YOU DONT JUST INTERRUPT PEOPLE AND SAY 'I DONT FEEL LIKE TALKING TO YOU, MISS LADY WHO IS GIVING ME A HOUSE TO LIVE IN FOR FREE' no... you dont do that.
than I walk into the bathroom and find out he left his clothes on the floor.... AGAIN!!! omfg, if anyone does that again, im going to burn their clothes! D<
sure, im the shy little quiet girl... and there is a reason for that, because like my mom says.... once you get me used to you, and talking how I want, and about what I want at free will...... im a fucking demon... and I love you mom, Im not calling you this, you called yourself this... but yea...
my mom also used to say 'your THE demon'S child' yea... you heard it,... Im a child of a demon... me and my mom were evil little things... we really were...
so yes, I like my piece and quiet,.. I like to be alone, and if I do have friends living with me at one point of time, they should all have their own rooms... and I should be able to watch what I want to watch on the big screen, and I should have to HAVE to talk to them about stupid shit I dont feel like talking about.
anyways, at like 11, I took a shower, than re-cooked the pancit... taste a lot better now, no offense lol
day 52
I aint taking no ones crap anymore... anyone pisses me off,... your OUT! no joke... this is not a game, and you cant just take advantage of me. ugh
bass still didnt answer
Day 53
OMG, THE DAY IS HERE!!
woke up at like 6:45 from a call from Jared... I'd love to wake up to his voice ever so often :]
anyways, I was tired as shit, but I got up, straighten my hair cause it was all fluffy from sleeping with wet hair...
and my throat kinda hurt. wtf mate.
but yea, got dressed, and than hopped over the tiny little fence thingy, and took some pictures by my favorite tree :]
and right when I was done, Jared came over.... so since I was still outside, we took some pictures together ^-^
than went inside, grabbed some food, the movies, all my college stuffs, some snacks, money, and...... idk what else....
but it took a while, we ended up leaving around 8 something.
but yea, we headed over to his house, and took a 4 hour nap. o.O yes...
ok, he took a 2 hour nap, and I took more like a 3 hour nap from waking up so much, cause the shit in my throat kept waking me up, couldnt breath right, and.... it was bugging the shit out of me...
but yea, we finally got out of bed at 1. and when I say we took a nap, thats all we did....
if my dad, or his mom knew thats just how our relationship was going at the moment, maybe they'd trust us a little more. but whatever. I love sleeping in his arms.
but at 1, we went to go get him drug tested... which didnt take toooo long....
it was kinda interesting....
anyways, I sat there playing with his little radio on his ipod.... boy, do I need a new ipod o.o
after that we went home, and made some food.... right? I think, or we started looking into the business stuff.... I made some calls, and got some info. It was sorta helpful, but not as helpful as I was looking, but good news, I dont need a license before we do the business plan.
but anyways, whenever we DID eat,... I re-fried the lumpia, and warmed up the pancit.... and omg, jared ate that thing like no tomorrow lol....
at least someone liked it.
after, we watched 'let the right one in' it was a weird french vampire movie that had been horribly dubbed. but in a way, it was kinda good.... just horribly dubbed... not like the mouthing, but the sentences....
after that, we got some pizza,... and Jared like, stuffed his plate with like 5 slices... and I had one small one. yea....
after, we took piper and went out to take some pictures... and it started raining! D;
so all my pictures are like, cloudy... and shit...
but after that, I think I went and looked at college stuff, or something, than after that, we watched twilight...
i like messing with jared when we're watching movies... its funny.
after that, I got a back rub,... but it fucking hurt... I have so many knots, its not even funny!
than..... Jared's mom took us home... and on the way home, I realized that chip and andrew had left.... not caring, or considering that I could be locked out of my own house.....
since chip said he'd be home and all in order to let me in the house. what a fucking liar....
but at least my patio door was unlocked... so I got in....
day 53....
I miss Jared.
he gave me flowers :]
ok, he picked them
and im seeing if they will dry like roses or something. he gave me two tulips
morning of 54...
OMG, I HATE MY LIFE!
me and jared scheduled another date day for friday
my dad than schedules a dentist appointment that day, and wants to take the whole day off so I can take my drivers test...
seriously? why couldnt this be like a thursday? what the fuck
guess I'll just have to buy the stuff on thursday, and have jared pay me back.
Jared says Im 3 days behind... but 51 says 'I got my steamer, and I make filipino food tomorrow' I made filiipino food sunday
So! I dont remember anything.... but me starting to make my dreads.... than making filipino food. our wrappers were the wrong kind, but we only found eggroll wrappers, so whatever... than the pancit didnt turn out that great... but my dad was the one who cooked it xp tehe...
but anyways, later on that night, andrew thought it'd be funny to lock chip out of the house when he went out to smoke... but then chip started banging on the door, and that is just way too disrespectful,... he could wake my dad up, so I thought 'dude, fuck off, you fucking deserve to be locked out' but I told him he was locked out for like 5 minutes... than he says 'well, lets see if I do actually pay you back than' yea, that pissed me off,.... I just wanted to kick him out right than and there... considering andrew told me that chip was already planning of not paying me back.....
anyways, once he got inside, i pretty much bitched him out because he was fucking stupid,... than later that night, I told him that I didnt even like him or andrew.. I love them, but I dont like them... does that make sense? they just piss me off all the time.
and I told chip that he wasnt being a friend, and he said that I wasnt being a friend by staying in my room all the time.....
well.... Yes, I stay in my room all the time, cause im tired of andrew's singing, im tired of listening to music all the time, Im tired of watching sports,... AND THEY LAY ON THE COUCH SO I CANT EVEN SIT DOWN IN THE FIRST PLACE!!!! Im tired of hearing andrew's stupid 'smart ass stories' because one, I think they are stupid. Not the concept, but everything else... because I dont give a shit... and I dont like his smart ass attitude.... sure, a smart ass is better than a dumb ass as he would say, but shutting your fucking mouth is better than both!
and im tired of listening to brandon on the phone 24/7, Im tired of hearing his stupid stories that are just... stupid and dont make sense at all....
Im pretty much like the walking dead... or in real life, its called 'suffering from depression' when people have no interest in anything, dont give a shit, dont feel like talking, dont feel like listening, and just roating [however you spell that word, I can never spell it] your life away.... and I should be going to counciling[sp], but I dont feel like it, I should be taking pills, but I dont feel like it.... and it'd be nice if the boys could understand that....
and understand I dont give a shit about what they talk about.... and understand that YES! I do stay in my room for their own good... because if I was out there all the time, I'd get so mad, and just flip out, and kick them out.... I stay in here because I LIKE the silence... note, thats why my t.v. isnt on, or why I dont play music....
anyways, after I told him that, he just blew me off, and said he didnt want to talk anymore. YOU DONT JUST INTERRUPT PEOPLE AND SAY 'I DONT FEEL LIKE TALKING TO YOU, MISS LADY WHO IS GIVING ME A HOUSE TO LIVE IN FOR FREE' no... you dont do that.
than I walk into the bathroom and find out he left his clothes on the floor.... AGAIN!!! omfg, if anyone does that again, im going to burn their clothes! D<
sure, im the shy little quiet girl... and there is a reason for that, because like my mom says.... once you get me used to you, and talking how I want, and about what I want at free will...... im a fucking demon... and I love you mom, Im not calling you this, you called yourself this... but yea...
my mom also used to say 'your THE demon'S child' yea... you heard it,... Im a child of a demon... me and my mom were evil little things... we really were...
so yes, I like my piece and quiet,.. I like to be alone, and if I do have friends living with me at one point of time, they should all have their own rooms... and I should be able to watch what I want to watch on the big screen, and I should have to HAVE to talk to them about stupid shit I dont feel like talking about.
anyways, at like 11, I took a shower, than re-cooked the pancit... taste a lot better now, no offense lol
day 52
I aint taking no ones crap anymore... anyone pisses me off,... your OUT! no joke... this is not a game, and you cant just take advantage of me. ugh
bass still didnt answer
Day 53
OMG, THE DAY IS HERE!!
woke up at like 6:45 from a call from Jared... I'd love to wake up to his voice ever so often :]
anyways, I was tired as shit, but I got up, straighten my hair cause it was all fluffy from sleeping with wet hair...
and my throat kinda hurt. wtf mate.
but yea, got dressed, and than hopped over the tiny little fence thingy, and took some pictures by my favorite tree :]
and right when I was done, Jared came over.... so since I was still outside, we took some pictures together ^-^
than went inside, grabbed some food, the movies, all my college stuffs, some snacks, money, and...... idk what else....
but it took a while, we ended up leaving around 8 something.
but yea, we headed over to his house, and took a 4 hour nap. o.O yes...
ok, he took a 2 hour nap, and I took more like a 3 hour nap from waking up so much, cause the shit in my throat kept waking me up, couldnt breath right, and.... it was bugging the shit out of me...
but yea, we finally got out of bed at 1. and when I say we took a nap, thats all we did....
if my dad, or his mom knew thats just how our relationship was going at the moment, maybe they'd trust us a little more. but whatever. I love sleeping in his arms.
but at 1, we went to go get him drug tested... which didnt take toooo long....
it was kinda interesting....
anyways, I sat there playing with his little radio on his ipod.... boy, do I need a new ipod o.o
after that we went home, and made some food.... right? I think, or we started looking into the business stuff.... I made some calls, and got some info. It was sorta helpful, but not as helpful as I was looking, but good news, I dont need a license before we do the business plan.
but anyways, whenever we DID eat,... I re-fried the lumpia, and warmed up the pancit.... and omg, jared ate that thing like no tomorrow lol....
at least someone liked it.
after, we watched 'let the right one in' it was a weird french vampire movie that had been horribly dubbed. but in a way, it was kinda good.... just horribly dubbed... not like the mouthing, but the sentences....
after that, we got some pizza,... and Jared like, stuffed his plate with like 5 slices... and I had one small one. yea....
after, we took piper and went out to take some pictures... and it started raining! D;
so all my pictures are like, cloudy... and shit...
but after that, I think I went and looked at college stuff, or something, than after that, we watched twilight...
i like messing with jared when we're watching movies... its funny.
after that, I got a back rub,... but it fucking hurt... I have so many knots, its not even funny!
than..... Jared's mom took us home... and on the way home, I realized that chip and andrew had left.... not caring, or considering that I could be locked out of my own house.....
since chip said he'd be home and all in order to let me in the house. what a fucking liar....
but at least my patio door was unlocked... so I got in....
day 53....
I miss Jared.
he gave me flowers :]
ok, he picked them
and im seeing if they will dry like roses or something. he gave me two tulips
morning of 54...
OMG, I HATE MY LIFE!
me and jared scheduled another date day for friday
my dad than schedules a dentist appointment that day, and wants to take the whole day off so I can take my drivers test...
seriously? why couldnt this be like a thursday? what the fuck
guess I'll just have to buy the stuff on thursday, and have jared pay me back.
Saturday, May 15, 2010
Day 51
Im not even going to talk about today.
I dont know what to do with my life....
I just feel like Im going down the hill more and more....
and I hate my ex. well I dont hate him, I just dont understand why he hates me, and I dont understand why he is friends with lex. she's only desperate for friends when shes introuble...
which is all the time.... but she goes to different people for different things...
He probably doesnt like me because I hate her...
but I have a reason to hate her.
She is the WHOLE REASON WHY I HATE GIRLS!!!!
and my whole night was ruined... I wanted to see jared....
and.... UGH!!!
anyways, I went to go buy a new steamer,.... doesnt work THAT great,... but it'll do till I get a steamer online
at least tomorrow im making filipino food
yes... we went to the asian market today, and I drove everywhere today
and the boys left to a concert today.... and tried forcing me to go with... tried picking me up to make me go out of the house.....
but I thought i'd be seeing jared but no
day 51
bass's phone is off
donnie hates me
jared thinks im arguing
i need a car now before I spend toooo much money
I need my own house
my dad and jared's mom needs to trust us
I dont know what to do with my life....
I just feel like Im going down the hill more and more....
and I hate my ex. well I dont hate him, I just dont understand why he hates me, and I dont understand why he is friends with lex. she's only desperate for friends when shes introuble...
which is all the time.... but she goes to different people for different things...
He probably doesnt like me because I hate her...
but I have a reason to hate her.
She is the WHOLE REASON WHY I HATE GIRLS!!!!
and my whole night was ruined... I wanted to see jared....
and.... UGH!!!
anyways, I went to go buy a new steamer,.... doesnt work THAT great,... but it'll do till I get a steamer online
at least tomorrow im making filipino food
yes... we went to the asian market today, and I drove everywhere today
and the boys left to a concert today.... and tried forcing me to go with... tried picking me up to make me go out of the house.....
but I thought i'd be seeing jared but no
day 51
bass's phone is off
donnie hates me
jared thinks im arguing
i need a car now before I spend toooo much money
I need my own house
my dad and jared's mom needs to trust us
Day 50 [yesterday]
I dont really want to talk about yesterday.....
first of all, Jared was supposed to come early, but he didnt.... he came late
so I walked to the college alone....
and got the hold taken off of my registration, but now im on a waitinglist for my class I think.
but andrew invited me to a concert, how nice, but we ended up not going. brandon ended up going by himself
me andrew and jared went to the mall so I could get a sweater..... which nowhere!!! had one....
so I was hella pissed off, than andrew told me about how chip was 'thinking' about paying me back, but was thinking of NOT paying me back...
that is chip's last strike.... today or tomorrow when he gets home, Im going to have to talk to him about it.... see whats going on,.... and I just might kick him out.
you know what? Every single fucking time I hang out with Jared, I get pissed off.... either cause jared is too slow.... brandon does shit to irritate me, or someone gives me bad news,... or jared comes late, or we cant find anything to do and we cant really 'spend time together' if my dad is home....
or I want to hang out with him alone but someone else has to tag along.... like lastnight was totally fine, except the fact that I had to be home this weekend
atleast yesterday Jared and my dad were sorta talking, which was kinda nice.....
anyways, I felt bad cause I couldnt spend more time out,.....
day 50
bass wouldnt answer his phone still
life is irritating
I wish I had a car right now
first of all, Jared was supposed to come early, but he didnt.... he came late
so I walked to the college alone....
and got the hold taken off of my registration, but now im on a waitinglist for my class I think.
but andrew invited me to a concert, how nice, but we ended up not going. brandon ended up going by himself
me andrew and jared went to the mall so I could get a sweater..... which nowhere!!! had one....
so I was hella pissed off, than andrew told me about how chip was 'thinking' about paying me back, but was thinking of NOT paying me back...
that is chip's last strike.... today or tomorrow when he gets home, Im going to have to talk to him about it.... see whats going on,.... and I just might kick him out.
you know what? Every single fucking time I hang out with Jared, I get pissed off.... either cause jared is too slow.... brandon does shit to irritate me, or someone gives me bad news,... or jared comes late, or we cant find anything to do and we cant really 'spend time together' if my dad is home....
or I want to hang out with him alone but someone else has to tag along.... like lastnight was totally fine, except the fact that I had to be home this weekend
atleast yesterday Jared and my dad were sorta talking, which was kinda nice.....
anyways, I felt bad cause I couldnt spend more time out,.....
day 50
bass wouldnt answer his phone still
life is irritating
I wish I had a car right now
Thursday, May 13, 2010
Day 49
Nothing really happened today.... so this'll be a short post again....
we had a mix up about a photoshoot, well not a mix up, but more like a cancel cause the original photographer couldnt make it due to business meeting,.... so this other photographer said he would shoot... but wanted to do it at 9pm, in a hotel room...
yeeeaaa.... nooo.... it would be alright if he had lights, but if he didnt have lights, he'd just be a man, with a camera, very bad lighting, and that just doesnt go with me...
UGH I MISS JARED SO FRICKEN MUCH!!
Ok, back to what I was saying... I waited all day pretty much just to figure out that he wanted to shoot at 9....
so he wants to see if he'll be free tomorrow at 4....
but I wanna see jared tomorrow, but he might have to work,... but I hope he doesnt =[ I'd be hella sad....
but if he doesnt, than I want him to come to the shoot with me....
but that'd be kinda awkward with me, cause its awkward when my friends watch me model, but.... it'd be interesting.
anyways... Brandon and Andrew went to a concert today, didnt invite me, but thats ok.
Anyways..... Jared has been working all day long... 13 hours... I miss him... I miss talking to him, and now he cant get online cause his power is off....
ugh, now my ex is bothering me about 'you lied... you did cheat on me with that guy' whatever the story is.... its done and over with.... but I dont need to tell him anything.....
ugh, he just ruined my night
I never want to bring that thing up again... guess who told him....
that one chick friend I trusted.... that girl who I had put so much trust into. I should have saved her number so I could fricken bitch her the fuck out....
I hate her so much
Day 49....
She just ruined my night.
bass didnt answer his phone
Dear Lex.... Alexis Saxus
OR WHATEVER THE FUCK YOUR LAST NAME IS....
SHUT THE FUCK UP YOU FUCKING SLUT!!!
You go around asking guys to fuck you.... than you tell them to cum in you.... THAN YOU GO HAVE AN ABORTION!!!
You like.... WANT to kill babies on purpose.....
Shut your fucking mouth.....
You were off cheating on your bf, with Donnie.... and we were best friends... so you said...
so go ahead, get high, do your shitload of drugs, and have that baby.... I feel sorry for you.
So yes... NOW I AM MAD AT YOU!
I fucking moved to a different state, left you and oceanside WAY BEHIND and yet,.... the drama still finds me. what the fuck....
The boys are gone for the night, and I STILL have to deal with drama.... drama that was like, right after high school, and right when my mom died... seriously? We have to bring this part of time in my life again? omfg... get out of my life alexis....
V is for your stupid overly used vagina that just goes around, using guys.... and I thought it was supposed to be the other way around
we had a mix up about a photoshoot, well not a mix up, but more like a cancel cause the original photographer couldnt make it due to business meeting,.... so this other photographer said he would shoot... but wanted to do it at 9pm, in a hotel room...
yeeeaaa.... nooo.... it would be alright if he had lights, but if he didnt have lights, he'd just be a man, with a camera, very bad lighting, and that just doesnt go with me...
UGH I MISS JARED SO FRICKEN MUCH!!
Ok, back to what I was saying... I waited all day pretty much just to figure out that he wanted to shoot at 9....
so he wants to see if he'll be free tomorrow at 4....
but I wanna see jared tomorrow, but he might have to work,... but I hope he doesnt =[ I'd be hella sad....
but if he doesnt, than I want him to come to the shoot with me....
but that'd be kinda awkward with me, cause its awkward when my friends watch me model, but.... it'd be interesting.
anyways... Brandon and Andrew went to a concert today, didnt invite me, but thats ok.
Anyways..... Jared has been working all day long... 13 hours... I miss him... I miss talking to him, and now he cant get online cause his power is off....
ugh, now my ex is bothering me about 'you lied... you did cheat on me with that guy' whatever the story is.... its done and over with.... but I dont need to tell him anything.....
ugh, he just ruined my night
I never want to bring that thing up again... guess who told him....
that one chick friend I trusted.... that girl who I had put so much trust into. I should have saved her number so I could fricken bitch her the fuck out....
I hate her so much
Day 49....
She just ruined my night.
bass didnt answer his phone
Dear Lex.... Alexis Saxus
OR WHATEVER THE FUCK YOUR LAST NAME IS....
SHUT THE FUCK UP YOU FUCKING SLUT!!!
You go around asking guys to fuck you.... than you tell them to cum in you.... THAN YOU GO HAVE AN ABORTION!!!
You like.... WANT to kill babies on purpose.....
Shut your fucking mouth.....
You were off cheating on your bf, with Donnie.... and we were best friends... so you said...
so go ahead, get high, do your shitload of drugs, and have that baby.... I feel sorry for you.
So yes... NOW I AM MAD AT YOU!
I fucking moved to a different state, left you and oceanside WAY BEHIND and yet,.... the drama still finds me. what the fuck....
The boys are gone for the night, and I STILL have to deal with drama.... drama that was like, right after high school, and right when my mom died... seriously? We have to bring this part of time in my life again? omfg... get out of my life alexis....
V is for your stupid overly used vagina that just goes around, using guys.... and I thought it was supposed to be the other way around
Wednesday, May 12, 2010
Day 48
The thing that sucks about this whole blog thing.... is by the time I blog, I forget what happened in the morning.
Anyways.... I think I pretty much laid in bed all day.... in fact, today was very very boring.....
I was supposed to go to the college, but they actually closed at 4:45 so I couldnt go anyways....
And I backcombed my dreads,... and went to try out my new steamer.... yea.... didnt work how I wanted it to! D< ugh....
So than I took a nap for 2 hours....
woke up, had pizza, and that was pretty much it.
Boring day, yea, but also kinda relaxing
And all I can tell you is how much I miss Jared =[
Anyways, hopefullly tomorrow i'll have a photoshoot.....
I wish I could do a goth shoot with Jared,... but... yea xD haha, not gonna happen.
Day 48
Bass didnt answer his phone still
I took a pretty picture of the tree behind my room, with snow on it. :] it was pretty
I hope I get to see Jared Friday
Anyways.... I think I pretty much laid in bed all day.... in fact, today was very very boring.....
I was supposed to go to the college, but they actually closed at 4:45 so I couldnt go anyways....
And I backcombed my dreads,... and went to try out my new steamer.... yea.... didnt work how I wanted it to! D< ugh....
So than I took a nap for 2 hours....
woke up, had pizza, and that was pretty much it.
Boring day, yea, but also kinda relaxing
And all I can tell you is how much I miss Jared =[
Anyways, hopefullly tomorrow i'll have a photoshoot.....
I wish I could do a goth shoot with Jared,... but... yea xD haha, not gonna happen.
Day 48
Bass didnt answer his phone still
I took a pretty picture of the tree behind my room, with snow on it. :] it was pretty
I hope I get to see Jared Friday
Tuesday, May 11, 2010
Day 47...
Today was an alright day....
I got up, and talked to my babe like 6:30am than my dad told me I should just give up on BK... It would take too much time out of school, and everything else I need to do.
So anyways, my dad came and took me to the school and I did my essay test..... it was ok,... I got a 5 out of 8? idk, the whole thing is fucking confusing as fuck.
Anyways, as I was walking home, I GOT A NOSE BLEED!!! omg.... yea... it suuucked...
anyways, than Jared came over... he was a little to... poking, and tickling for my comfort... well not comfort, but it did kinda.... really get on my nerves after a while... I hate being tickled, and I hate being poked....
anyways, at one point of time we were standing in the bathroom with the doors open, and the lights off, just standing in each others arms, staring into the mirror.... and he said 'We do make a cute couple, you know that right?'
AWWWWWW!!!!! How cute!!!!! <33
Anyways, I ended up making dinner, washing the dishes, and watched a movie....
I cooked rice and tilipia fish....
it was alright.
Jared is like, a major chicken when my dad comes home. he didnt want to get up to take a piss, he didnt want to talk, he didnt want to eat when I made everyone food....
poor thing
Oh, and at one point of time,... I had asked chip to take the trash out before work... of course, he didnt....
I also asked the boys to always wash their dishes.... of course, they never do....
I asked the boys to keep their dirty clothes in a white trash bag so its NOT ALL OVER MY FUCKING ROOM!!! of course, they cant do that either.
Oh, one more thing, I asked them not to leave their clothes in my bathroom... they cant even do that... all they can do is make food, make loud noises, take over the computer and t.v. go to work, STILL ask for money,.... and make mess...
Andrew may not do much, but at least he doesnt get on my nerves so friggen much
Oh, why am I talking about this? cause fucking chip had to be rude again.
I was already feeling down because my friend keeps having miscarriages and I can no longer be there to see her since she lives down in the springs... shes like my only chick friend,.... so I was wanting to get on the computer soon....
i said 9 is when I wanted the computer... and he always says 'you dont need to ask, just take the computer'
so this time I was like 'ok, its 9... get off' cause I told him a few times to get off and to hurry up, so than I said it again hes like 'fine, here' leans back, doesnt move, or give me the computer, so I get up and wait for him to move his legs so I can walk by and say 'can you please move'
and hes like 'what, you dont know how to say excuse me?' with an attitude.....
ok, its not the worst thing in the world... but you just dont say that to someone your bumming off of. YOU GIVE THEM WHAT YOU WANT, ACT HOW THEY WANT YOU TO!
as in,.... with fucking respect.
anyways.... my dad found this nice firebird I want for like $3000
I found one cheaper a while back, but I dont think they would have it anymore....
Day 47.
Bass never answered.
chip considers me a friend for 2 seconds.... if I asked him to live with me for fun, it'd be a different story....
I wish I could have taken a nap with Jared today before my dad came home
I got up, and talked to my babe like 6:30am than my dad told me I should just give up on BK... It would take too much time out of school, and everything else I need to do.
So anyways, my dad came and took me to the school and I did my essay test..... it was ok,... I got a 5 out of 8? idk, the whole thing is fucking confusing as fuck.
Anyways, as I was walking home, I GOT A NOSE BLEED!!! omg.... yea... it suuucked...
anyways, than Jared came over... he was a little to... poking, and tickling for my comfort... well not comfort, but it did kinda.... really get on my nerves after a while... I hate being tickled, and I hate being poked....
anyways, at one point of time we were standing in the bathroom with the doors open, and the lights off, just standing in each others arms, staring into the mirror.... and he said 'We do make a cute couple, you know that right?'
AWWWWWW!!!!! How cute!!!!! <33
Anyways, I ended up making dinner, washing the dishes, and watched a movie....
I cooked rice and tilipia fish....
it was alright.
Jared is like, a major chicken when my dad comes home. he didnt want to get up to take a piss, he didnt want to talk, he didnt want to eat when I made everyone food....
poor thing
Oh, and at one point of time,... I had asked chip to take the trash out before work... of course, he didnt....
I also asked the boys to always wash their dishes.... of course, they never do....
I asked the boys to keep their dirty clothes in a white trash bag so its NOT ALL OVER MY FUCKING ROOM!!! of course, they cant do that either.
Oh, one more thing, I asked them not to leave their clothes in my bathroom... they cant even do that... all they can do is make food, make loud noises, take over the computer and t.v. go to work, STILL ask for money,.... and make mess...
Andrew may not do much, but at least he doesnt get on my nerves so friggen much
Oh, why am I talking about this? cause fucking chip had to be rude again.
I was already feeling down because my friend keeps having miscarriages and I can no longer be there to see her since she lives down in the springs... shes like my only chick friend,.... so I was wanting to get on the computer soon....
i said 9 is when I wanted the computer... and he always says 'you dont need to ask, just take the computer'
so this time I was like 'ok, its 9... get off' cause I told him a few times to get off and to hurry up, so than I said it again hes like 'fine, here' leans back, doesnt move, or give me the computer, so I get up and wait for him to move his legs so I can walk by and say 'can you please move'
and hes like 'what, you dont know how to say excuse me?' with an attitude.....
ok, its not the worst thing in the world... but you just dont say that to someone your bumming off of. YOU GIVE THEM WHAT YOU WANT, ACT HOW THEY WANT YOU TO!
as in,.... with fucking respect.
anyways.... my dad found this nice firebird I want for like $3000
I found one cheaper a while back, but I dont think they would have it anymore....
Day 47.
Bass never answered.
chip considers me a friend for 2 seconds.... if I asked him to live with me for fun, it'd be a different story....
I wish I could have taken a nap with Jared today before my dad came home
Monday, May 10, 2010
Day 46
So I woke up...... and.... yea, text jared..... he went back to sleep, I stayed up and wrote about stupid shit....
got ready for work, than decided I wanted to sit and make dreads.....
Jared text me, than I went off to work.....
it sucked... I sat for 2 hours filling papers out... ok, wait... I sat there for 10 minutes filling papers out.... it took 2 hours for her to come back, give me more papers, and do other stuff...... but whatever.
I dont feel like going into work tomorrow. but it is only for 4 hours....
4-8 but its such a lame job.... and my dad just says 'well why dont you get a different job' Im still sick, and I wanted to go into the college tomorrow to do the essay thing.... but now I have to either wait, or have my dad take me on his lunch break, and walk back home.....
It was super boring.....
tomorrow I just feel like saying 'hey,... cant work... dad JUST put me into college' but that wouldnt make sense cause my classes dont start till like next month....
I just... DONT need this job.... I only took it cause I thought my dad wanted me to work.... yea... he just says 'I thought you'd wait for something better... but oh well'
I'll figure it out tomorrow if I wanna work or not.
UGH WHY IS MY COMPUTER BEING SO FUCKING... SLOW?!?! OR INTERNET CONNECTION, WHATEVER!!!
oh, andrew got fired from burgerking today... sucks. at least i'd have one person to talk to
I feel bad cause I totally flipped out on Jared not too long ago =[
I need to learn to control myself
Day 46.
Started work for the first time in like a year... [besides volunteer work at a nursing center]
Bass still hasnt answered his phone
I feel sick
idk if I should be working around food with a runny nose lol
I miss Jared.... I feel like a horrible person
got ready for work, than decided I wanted to sit and make dreads.....
Jared text me, than I went off to work.....
it sucked... I sat for 2 hours filling papers out... ok, wait... I sat there for 10 minutes filling papers out.... it took 2 hours for her to come back, give me more papers, and do other stuff...... but whatever.
I dont feel like going into work tomorrow. but it is only for 4 hours....
4-8 but its such a lame job.... and my dad just says 'well why dont you get a different job' Im still sick, and I wanted to go into the college tomorrow to do the essay thing.... but now I have to either wait, or have my dad take me on his lunch break, and walk back home.....
It was super boring.....
tomorrow I just feel like saying 'hey,... cant work... dad JUST put me into college' but that wouldnt make sense cause my classes dont start till like next month....
I just... DONT need this job.... I only took it cause I thought my dad wanted me to work.... yea... he just says 'I thought you'd wait for something better... but oh well'
I'll figure it out tomorrow if I wanna work or not.
UGH WHY IS MY COMPUTER BEING SO FUCKING... SLOW?!?! OR INTERNET CONNECTION, WHATEVER!!!
oh, andrew got fired from burgerking today... sucks. at least i'd have one person to talk to
I feel bad cause I totally flipped out on Jared not too long ago =[
I need to learn to control myself
Day 46.
Started work for the first time in like a year... [besides volunteer work at a nursing center]
Bass still hasnt answered his phone
I feel sick
idk if I should be working around food with a runny nose lol
I miss Jared.... I feel like a horrible person
Sunday, May 9, 2010
Day 45
Day 45.
its been a pretty good day......
Its Brandon's bday,....
I woke up and set some chocolate covered cookies next to brandon,...
and andrew and him were pretty nice today....
Chip got out of the shower and was flipping out about some.... felony thingy idk. Because I know exactly what he is talking about, and same with Andrew..... and we both tried telling him that its not as bad as he is making it sound.
Chip came out with my dad saying 'sorry man, we just had the last two beers' and than my dad came out and brought him candy, beer, $5 from me, a card signed by me andrew and my dad, and I think a subway card.
anyways, it pretty much made brandon cry! I almost cried lol.
anyways, my dad took them out to the bank, and they went out to like..... idk, downtown somewhere....
anyways.... my dad and I went out to get me some black shoes for work tomorrow.... my dad was all like 'I dont see why you took that job, I thought you were going to wait to get a better one' OMG!!! really? ugh, why'd I take it?
anyways.... we went to a few other places, and got my dad a grill. He had a rather hard time putting it together.... I think he has bad knees....
Than we ate, and he decided he wanted to watch Twilight.......
omg,... old memories.... too many old memories.
Oh, I also got pictures from klaa..... hated the ones of me though, so he took them down..... I hope he posts the other ones though.
Anyways, Im still watching Twilight.....
Its mother's day...... I dont feel like re-posting that thing,.... its in my other blog and myspace. lol I got my mom a lil spoon thingy :]
Day 45....
Note to self.... dont watch twilight 2 alone again.... its bad for you. lol
sometimes this movie is so lame and cheesy
Bass didnt answer his phone today.
I saw Jared for only 2 seconds today....
I wish I had a boy who'd wake me up every time I have a nightmare..... which is way too often.....
I hate how Jared is so close, yet, I feel like he is so far away from me all the time.
I also edited my profile a bit
its been a pretty good day......
Its Brandon's bday,....
I woke up and set some chocolate covered cookies next to brandon,...
and andrew and him were pretty nice today....
Chip got out of the shower and was flipping out about some.... felony thingy idk. Because I know exactly what he is talking about, and same with Andrew..... and we both tried telling him that its not as bad as he is making it sound.
Chip came out with my dad saying 'sorry man, we just had the last two beers' and than my dad came out and brought him candy, beer, $5 from me, a card signed by me andrew and my dad, and I think a subway card.
anyways, it pretty much made brandon cry! I almost cried lol.
anyways, my dad took them out to the bank, and they went out to like..... idk, downtown somewhere....
anyways.... my dad and I went out to get me some black shoes for work tomorrow.... my dad was all like 'I dont see why you took that job, I thought you were going to wait to get a better one' OMG!!! really? ugh, why'd I take it?
anyways.... we went to a few other places, and got my dad a grill. He had a rather hard time putting it together.... I think he has bad knees....
Than we ate, and he decided he wanted to watch Twilight.......
omg,... old memories.... too many old memories.
Oh, I also got pictures from klaa..... hated the ones of me though, so he took them down..... I hope he posts the other ones though.
Anyways, Im still watching Twilight.....
Its mother's day...... I dont feel like re-posting that thing,.... its in my other blog and myspace. lol I got my mom a lil spoon thingy :]
Day 45....
Note to self.... dont watch twilight 2 alone again.... its bad for you. lol
sometimes this movie is so lame and cheesy
Bass didnt answer his phone today.
I saw Jared for only 2 seconds today....
I wish I had a boy who'd wake me up every time I have a nightmare..... which is way too often.....
I hate how Jared is so close, yet, I feel like he is so far away from me all the time.
I also edited my profile a bit
Saturday, May 8, 2010
Day 43 & 44
Day 43....
Ok, so I was supposed to wake Jared up in the morning, but he never answered any of my calls or texts or ANYTHING and I was getting rather annoyed because I was supposed to meet at his house......
but FINALLY he woke up, and I rode the bus for the first time alone to his house. it was pretty scary, but my attitude was getting in the way of the fear.... I really hadnt been in a good mood in the past.... forever.
Anyways we just hung around, and I was really wanting to leave.... I wanted to go shopping downtown, get that out of the way, so we could meet with the boys. But Jared wanted to take his dog to the park..... which kinda put me in an even worse mood because he knew I wanted to leave, so I felt like he was just stalling.... and Im not a dog person, so.... yea. I have my days when I want to like a dog,... and there are a lot of days where I dont even want to be touched by one....
Anyways, we took piper to the park, and yes, it was actually nice to sit outside in the middle of a huge green field.... but than we walked back home, and got on the bus. I hate,... HATE being in a bad mood around Jared... makes me feel like a horrible person for some odd reason.
But anyways, finally we made it downtown, and walked over to Raves....
we took SO LONG THERE!!!!! I just wanted to get boots, a plad skirt, and a school girl top.... wanna know what I ended up with? boots,.... a corset, and a black tight skirt.... and socks...
than we went to go get Chinese food... it was kinda expensive. and than klaa picked us up.... I was pretty content hanging with Jared all day just me and him. :]
Anyways, andrew and chip looked tired. well guess what? chip was fucking high. ugh. anyways..... we got to the club, and sat in the car for a long ass time, finally got in, and yea.... that day just so happened to be the day that other places had huge shows and free shit going on, so it was pretty empty,... but for a short while I was having lots of fun.... and Jared was making me the happiest girl ever.
Than Chip and Andrew decided to go and sleep in the car..... well before we went into the club, Jared let them eat his share of the food.... that I bought him. =/ whatever,... than they asked if there was more, and Jared said yea, but it was mine, and they were not allowed to have any.... and I said it too.... so guess what they did while they went in the car to sleep.... THEY ATE MY FUCKING FOOD!!! that shit was NOT cheap!!! They didnt ask, nothing. uncaringly, they just ate my food. I swear, they eat all my food at home, and I cant even buy anything for myself without them eating it!! D< What a rude couple. Just like my dad said 'I dont buy beer for you guys to drink, I buy it for myself' ok, so they can understand my dad's words, but why cant they understand mine? Im the one who controls if they get to stay here or not.... well my dad too, but still.
that just ruined my whole night....
and I just was trying my very very hardest not to flip the fuck out.... all I did was throw the empty container at chip.... andrew gave me $5 for eating, what,... like 2 of my wontons.... and said sorry, I think, so I was still expecting word from brandon about eating my shit, but still to this day, nothing.
We went to deny's which was interesting, but not interesting enough to talk about it.... except the fact that I just wanted to get Andrew's knife and stab it right into Chip's eyes.... no joke.... thats ALL I could think of, I was soo deep into thought about it that when Jared sent me a text saying 'I <3 U' all I responded with was 'sure' than I felt horrible for saying 'sure' cause one, idk what he really ment about the text.... so that put me into an even more worse mood.... that I almost cried....
I think the only thing I said at denny's was 'who are you shooting with, your getting ripped off' cause even if your shooting with a very high perfessional photographer, you should get at least 3 pictures....
if its a mag shot, than sure 1.... the one in the mag.
anyways..... atleast I went to sleep happy.... away from brandon,... and at least he wasnt in the same house as me
Day 43
I didnt call Bass....
I hate disrespectful people almost more than anything
Day 44
I woke up and omfg, it was hot as hell!!!
Im still mad at brandon.... anyways, we all took andrew home to go to work, left brandon at home, and me klaa and jared went to chipotle and got food.... my throat was hurting a little less..... yesterday was HORRIBLE!!!!! anyways.... we than decided to go up to the moutains! than klaa decided he wanted to do a photoshoot of me and jared... yea,... never really happened.... jared didnt want to wear klaa's clothes, and I just thought he didnt fit the look... we went up to the moutains, with Jared sleeping on my lap..... I thought it was super cute.....
anyways, lets see..... IT WAS HELLA FUCKING FUUUN!!
but the whole way up there I was wearing my corset skirt and boots.... wasnt a comfy ride....
we took videos which made it a lil more fun too.....
oh, and this jeep got stuck infront of us in the snow. haha! sucked, but Jared and Klaa helped them out :] yay for them.
and we got lots of pics.....
than on our way down this lady got off of her quade and looked like she was about ready to drop her pants in the middle of the dirt road.... to take a piss? seriously? wow... ok....
and than she turned around and noticed we were behind her xDD haha! omg, you should have seen her face! lol priceless....
than... we drove around again, got a few pics of me and jared, but i hated my face, of course, cause I think im ugly, than what else....
oh, Jared found a river.... and guess what?
:]
>.<
xD
He fell in. tehe
lol
than we went our way home ='(
and Jared fell asleep on my lap again.
boo!!! no fun.... I wanna fall asleep on his lap
anyways, we got home, and two seconds later chip was already out there to bug us....
I said my goodbyes to Jared without a kiss..... I felt horrible....
the past two days were really nice......
anyways, I got home, and my dad told me to get something out of the car. I already knew what it was :] I can read minds. tehe
but yea, I got my $120 steamer! woot woot!!
anyways.... chip is talking to me like we're all cool.... which is fine.... but im still mad.
day 44...
great day
bass still didnt answer his phone
I miss jared a lot.....
and idk why, I just feel like he doesnt feel the same....
I really really like him.
I wanted to tell him how much he means to me,...
just couldnt find the time
Ok, so I was supposed to wake Jared up in the morning, but he never answered any of my calls or texts or ANYTHING and I was getting rather annoyed because I was supposed to meet at his house......
but FINALLY he woke up, and I rode the bus for the first time alone to his house. it was pretty scary, but my attitude was getting in the way of the fear.... I really hadnt been in a good mood in the past.... forever.
Anyways we just hung around, and I was really wanting to leave.... I wanted to go shopping downtown, get that out of the way, so we could meet with the boys. But Jared wanted to take his dog to the park..... which kinda put me in an even worse mood because he knew I wanted to leave, so I felt like he was just stalling.... and Im not a dog person, so.... yea. I have my days when I want to like a dog,... and there are a lot of days where I dont even want to be touched by one....
Anyways, we took piper to the park, and yes, it was actually nice to sit outside in the middle of a huge green field.... but than we walked back home, and got on the bus. I hate,... HATE being in a bad mood around Jared... makes me feel like a horrible person for some odd reason.
But anyways, finally we made it downtown, and walked over to Raves....
we took SO LONG THERE!!!!! I just wanted to get boots, a plad skirt, and a school girl top.... wanna know what I ended up with? boots,.... a corset, and a black tight skirt.... and socks...
than we went to go get Chinese food... it was kinda expensive. and than klaa picked us up.... I was pretty content hanging with Jared all day just me and him. :]
Anyways, andrew and chip looked tired. well guess what? chip was fucking high. ugh. anyways..... we got to the club, and sat in the car for a long ass time, finally got in, and yea.... that day just so happened to be the day that other places had huge shows and free shit going on, so it was pretty empty,... but for a short while I was having lots of fun.... and Jared was making me the happiest girl ever.
Than Chip and Andrew decided to go and sleep in the car..... well before we went into the club, Jared let them eat his share of the food.... that I bought him. =/ whatever,... than they asked if there was more, and Jared said yea, but it was mine, and they were not allowed to have any.... and I said it too.... so guess what they did while they went in the car to sleep.... THEY ATE MY FUCKING FOOD!!! that shit was NOT cheap!!! They didnt ask, nothing. uncaringly, they just ate my food. I swear, they eat all my food at home, and I cant even buy anything for myself without them eating it!! D< What a rude couple. Just like my dad said 'I dont buy beer for you guys to drink, I buy it for myself' ok, so they can understand my dad's words, but why cant they understand mine? Im the one who controls if they get to stay here or not.... well my dad too, but still.
that just ruined my whole night....
and I just was trying my very very hardest not to flip the fuck out.... all I did was throw the empty container at chip.... andrew gave me $5 for eating, what,... like 2 of my wontons.... and said sorry, I think, so I was still expecting word from brandon about eating my shit, but still to this day, nothing.
We went to deny's which was interesting, but not interesting enough to talk about it.... except the fact that I just wanted to get Andrew's knife and stab it right into Chip's eyes.... no joke.... thats ALL I could think of, I was soo deep into thought about it that when Jared sent me a text saying 'I <3 U' all I responded with was 'sure' than I felt horrible for saying 'sure' cause one, idk what he really ment about the text.... so that put me into an even more worse mood.... that I almost cried....
I think the only thing I said at denny's was 'who are you shooting with, your getting ripped off' cause even if your shooting with a very high perfessional photographer, you should get at least 3 pictures....
if its a mag shot, than sure 1.... the one in the mag.
anyways..... atleast I went to sleep happy.... away from brandon,... and at least he wasnt in the same house as me
Day 43
I didnt call Bass....
I hate disrespectful people almost more than anything
Day 44
I woke up and omfg, it was hot as hell!!!
Im still mad at brandon.... anyways, we all took andrew home to go to work, left brandon at home, and me klaa and jared went to chipotle and got food.... my throat was hurting a little less..... yesterday was HORRIBLE!!!!! anyways.... we than decided to go up to the moutains! than klaa decided he wanted to do a photoshoot of me and jared... yea,... never really happened.... jared didnt want to wear klaa's clothes, and I just thought he didnt fit the look... we went up to the moutains, with Jared sleeping on my lap..... I thought it was super cute.....
anyways, lets see..... IT WAS HELLA FUCKING FUUUN!!
but the whole way up there I was wearing my corset skirt and boots.... wasnt a comfy ride....
we took videos which made it a lil more fun too.....
oh, and this jeep got stuck infront of us in the snow. haha! sucked, but Jared and Klaa helped them out :] yay for them.
and we got lots of pics.....
than on our way down this lady got off of her quade and looked like she was about ready to drop her pants in the middle of the dirt road.... to take a piss? seriously? wow... ok....
and than she turned around and noticed we were behind her xDD haha! omg, you should have seen her face! lol priceless....
than... we drove around again, got a few pics of me and jared, but i hated my face, of course, cause I think im ugly, than what else....
oh, Jared found a river.... and guess what?
:]
>.<
xD
He fell in. tehe
lol
than we went our way home ='(
and Jared fell asleep on my lap again.
boo!!! no fun.... I wanna fall asleep on his lap
anyways, we got home, and two seconds later chip was already out there to bug us....
I said my goodbyes to Jared without a kiss..... I felt horrible....
the past two days were really nice......
anyways, I got home, and my dad told me to get something out of the car. I already knew what it was :] I can read minds. tehe
but yea, I got my $120 steamer! woot woot!!
anyways.... chip is talking to me like we're all cool.... which is fine.... but im still mad.
day 44...
great day
bass still didnt answer his phone
I miss jared a lot.....
and idk why, I just feel like he doesnt feel the same....
I really really like him.
I wanted to tell him how much he means to me,...
just couldnt find the time
Thursday, May 6, 2010
DAy 42
Ok, so I didnt wake up till like 12.... arg!!!
I cant wait till Andrew gets his own computer..... Not that I really mind.... but I need to get my stuff done too...
anyways, today seemed like a pretty good day, except the fact that my steamer is no longer working, and chip would have no problem ruining someone's face for life if he got mugged over a cellphone... seriously? god,... people are so HORRIBLE!!! and Im interacting with people like that? shit.....
Anyways.... my cereal is all gone, and I onyl had like 2 bowls of one box.... seriously peoples? oh well...
So this girl ordered a thing of dreads... :] yay.
so me and my dad went to the college, and I drove there.... and I was told I had to come back and take this essay than come back AGAIN and talk to an adviser.... AGAIN.
anyways.... than we went to target to get this one steamer cause my other one is like broken and retarded. anyways,.... they were out of it... so we went to walmart.... they only had one. blah...
so we were leaving walmart, and my dad was backing up, than stopped noticing that someone was backing up too.... but the guy backed up right into us...
but nothing too bad happened,... just a scratch on the other guy's car.
I really, honestly cant remember anything anything else about the day....
I miss Jared alot... and now Im watching NCIS so im content, only Jared isnt responding my texts,... and im sure andrew wants the computer since I asked if I could borrow it till chip gets here.... ugh.
anyways... Day 42....
I died today....
Bass answered his phone.... but never said anything. I think I had a heart attack... ='(
I could have sworn I heard him sigh...
I cant wait till Andrew gets his own computer..... Not that I really mind.... but I need to get my stuff done too...
anyways, today seemed like a pretty good day, except the fact that my steamer is no longer working, and chip would have no problem ruining someone's face for life if he got mugged over a cellphone... seriously? god,... people are so HORRIBLE!!! and Im interacting with people like that? shit.....
Anyways.... my cereal is all gone, and I onyl had like 2 bowls of one box.... seriously peoples? oh well...
So this girl ordered a thing of dreads... :] yay.
so me and my dad went to the college, and I drove there.... and I was told I had to come back and take this essay than come back AGAIN and talk to an adviser.... AGAIN.
anyways.... than we went to target to get this one steamer cause my other one is like broken and retarded. anyways,.... they were out of it... so we went to walmart.... they only had one. blah...
so we were leaving walmart, and my dad was backing up, than stopped noticing that someone was backing up too.... but the guy backed up right into us...
but nothing too bad happened,... just a scratch on the other guy's car.
I really, honestly cant remember anything anything else about the day....
I miss Jared alot... and now Im watching NCIS so im content, only Jared isnt responding my texts,... and im sure andrew wants the computer since I asked if I could borrow it till chip gets here.... ugh.
anyways... Day 42....
I died today....
Bass answered his phone.... but never said anything. I think I had a heart attack... ='(
I could have sworn I heard him sigh...
Wednesday, May 5, 2010
Day 41
Ok,... so I got a message from Jared, asking to wake him up so can call his work... so I took a shower, got ready, than woke him up, than I was on my way to my job interview :]
I wore my 'flats' and wow, they.... hurt...
and when I got to the light, they were hurting A LOT!!
so I got in right? and I was all like 'Hi, can I speak to your hiring manager? I was supposed to come in for a job interview' right?
and than she's all like 'she wont be here for another hour' I know right?
ugh...
so than she's like 'are you sure your at the right place?'
I was like 'yes im at the right place'
[ok, im done saying 'right']
so she's all like 'well, im sorry, but we dont know anything' so I friggen left... and walked home.... BAREFOOT!!
yes...
so I got home, and than suddenly Jared said he was gonna come over! :D yaay!!!
Oh, and I was supposed to wake chip and andrew up right?
so they could go to the pool right?
well guess what? they never went.
anyways! so yea, the back of my foot was bleeding, and the other side I have a fat uglly ass blister on the other.
anyways, so Jared got here, we cleaned a lil, got another call about the job interview at burgerking,... saying sorry, and that I should come in at 3.
so yea.... Jared got me pills so I could get better sooner!!! HOW SWEET!!! <333333!!!!!!!!!
anyways, we ended up falling asleep.... me clinging to his head at one point of time... it was cute lol. I totally wish we could have gotten pictures when we were sleeping.
anyways, so 3 came around, and we all walked up to burgerking,... well, not ALL of us.. chip went to work to borrow money. poor thing got STORE CREDIT money. how lame.
anyways, so when I went to bk, the guy said he still didnt know what was going on, so he made some calls.... and I finally got my job interview! :]
I start on monday at 2 ^-^ anddrew is gonna train me at some point of time, which makes me feel totally comfortable with working there. yay.
anyways, me and Jared went back home, [barefoot] and laughed at chip singing in the shower... its funny :]
today was a pretty good day. we all seemed to be getting along today.... so that made me happy.
I finally started my period... 3 weeks late... well almost 3 weeks...
my dad came home in a pretty happy mood... and explained to me and andrew the whole jury duty story... it was fricken crazy!!!!
these two black homeless couple beat the living crap out of this guy for giving them a shopping card for food [ I cant remember what its called] and the card had no money on it...
so the guy stomped on the guy's chest, kicked the shit out of him with steal toed boots, beat him with a chair,... and stomped on his throat... the guy was in the hospital of course, but he is so fucked up, that he has to be feed with an IV...
and than the guy who beat him up tried to blame it on his wife!!!! omfg,... crazy homeless people.
this took place in sep. off of colfax or whatever that street is called....
anyways,....
good day...
day 41
bass didnt answer his phone...
I miss the SHIT out of Jared...
still getting used to him, but he makes me so firggen happy
I hope he comes to Hellbound with us... even though hes all worried about what to wear...
well not worried, but yea.
I wore my 'flats' and wow, they.... hurt...
and when I got to the light, they were hurting A LOT!!
so I got in right? and I was all like 'Hi, can I speak to your hiring manager? I was supposed to come in for a job interview' right?
and than she's all like 'she wont be here for another hour' I know right?
ugh...
so than she's like 'are you sure your at the right place?'
I was like 'yes im at the right place'
[ok, im done saying 'right']
so she's all like 'well, im sorry, but we dont know anything' so I friggen left... and walked home.... BAREFOOT!!
yes...
so I got home, and than suddenly Jared said he was gonna come over! :D yaay!!!
Oh, and I was supposed to wake chip and andrew up right?
so they could go to the pool right?
well guess what? they never went.
anyways! so yea, the back of my foot was bleeding, and the other side I have a fat uglly ass blister on the other.
anyways, so Jared got here, we cleaned a lil, got another call about the job interview at burgerking,... saying sorry, and that I should come in at 3.
so yea.... Jared got me pills so I could get better sooner!!! HOW SWEET!!! <333333!!!!!!!!!
anyways, we ended up falling asleep.... me clinging to his head at one point of time... it was cute lol. I totally wish we could have gotten pictures when we were sleeping.
anyways, so 3 came around, and we all walked up to burgerking,... well, not ALL of us.. chip went to work to borrow money. poor thing got STORE CREDIT money. how lame.
anyways, so when I went to bk, the guy said he still didnt know what was going on, so he made some calls.... and I finally got my job interview! :]
I start on monday at 2 ^-^ anddrew is gonna train me at some point of time, which makes me feel totally comfortable with working there. yay.
anyways, me and Jared went back home, [barefoot] and laughed at chip singing in the shower... its funny :]
today was a pretty good day. we all seemed to be getting along today.... so that made me happy.
I finally started my period... 3 weeks late... well almost 3 weeks...
my dad came home in a pretty happy mood... and explained to me and andrew the whole jury duty story... it was fricken crazy!!!!
these two black homeless couple beat the living crap out of this guy for giving them a shopping card for food [ I cant remember what its called] and the card had no money on it...
so the guy stomped on the guy's chest, kicked the shit out of him with steal toed boots, beat him with a chair,... and stomped on his throat... the guy was in the hospital of course, but he is so fucked up, that he has to be feed with an IV...
and than the guy who beat him up tried to blame it on his wife!!!! omfg,... crazy homeless people.
this took place in sep. off of colfax or whatever that street is called....
anyways,....
good day...
day 41
bass didnt answer his phone...
I miss the SHIT out of Jared...
still getting used to him, but he makes me so firggen happy
I hope he comes to Hellbound with us... even though hes all worried about what to wear...
well not worried, but yea.
Tuesday, May 4, 2010
Day 40
Well lastnight when Brandon came home, he wrote me a long letter,... I hope he changes like he said he will...
but now I have a problem with Andrew. Where do these guys get the idea they can just act the way they do? Seriously.
Im almost 100% convinced that they are just using me for a place to stay...
I cant wait till Ronnie & Rich gets here... At least I'll have some actual friends who'll respect me... totally wish D was coming, but hes in yellowstone.
anyways, I updated my xanga account... deafbats.xanga.com
talked to Jared,... asked for andrew and chip to help around the house,...
than andrew got mad about it or,... something, idk why the hell he suddenly got mad....
those two cause so much fricken drama, its not even funny. andrew not as much...
but seriously, it's like being in an awful relationship!
The only person I had this much problems with was Bass and Donnie....
I am totally not a drama causer, so idk why this is all happening...
but hey, it would never happen if people knew how to be respectful.
idk if your an ass,.... just be respectful in the fucking house.
[ugh! my dad is giving me all this crap to read.... and I dont even understand what the hell im reading!!!!]
Anyways... I've been sick all friggen day... and its pissing me off! I hate being sick! =[
And Jared is too,... and I wanna take care of him... but yea... Id jus get lost.
anyways, andrew put in money into my paypal... yay....
they went to work, and brandon gave me a hug before he left since I was feeling down.
idk if he really is a friend, or not... but I hope he is...
anyways, my dad came home while I was in the middle of updating my profile, making dreads, listening to music, and looking at the whole business situation....
I miss having the house to myself... but I know when the boys move, I might get really bored... but hopefully rich and ronnie will come soon, but it'll still be a few months =[
anyways, my dad and I went out to get sushi! :D yaaay
omg, it was sooooo friggen good!!!!
than we talked a little bit, I already knew my dad doesnt like my friends, but I didnt think he'd have much of a problem with Jared, which made me really really sad... he just doesnt trust him. =[
but I know he is gonna think rich and ronnie are weird too... but you know what, what ever! Judge everyone... I dont care....
but yea... I finally finished my profile for myspace again...
day 40...
I dont remember if I even called Bass today, but I did text his mom... but no answer.
Jared posted something about not knowing if we're dating or not, which I dont know either...
but pretty much from the moment we hooked up, we told everyone we were dating....
and I dont want it to be like last time, where I never actually get asked out....
But he has my heart.... and thats all that should really matter.
Maybe I should introduce him fully to my dad...
But I dont think my dad would be too happy about me dating someone I've only known for a short period of time.
I mean, lol, I wouldnt, but than again, I'd probably ask, and be a closer parent so in a way, it probably wouldnt matter as much
but now I have a problem with Andrew. Where do these guys get the idea they can just act the way they do? Seriously.
Im almost 100% convinced that they are just using me for a place to stay...
I cant wait till Ronnie & Rich gets here... At least I'll have some actual friends who'll respect me... totally wish D was coming, but hes in yellowstone.
anyways, I updated my xanga account... deafbats.xanga.com
talked to Jared,... asked for andrew and chip to help around the house,...
than andrew got mad about it or,... something, idk why the hell he suddenly got mad....
those two cause so much fricken drama, its not even funny. andrew not as much...
but seriously, it's like being in an awful relationship!
The only person I had this much problems with was Bass and Donnie....
I am totally not a drama causer, so idk why this is all happening...
but hey, it would never happen if people knew how to be respectful.
idk if your an ass,.... just be respectful in the fucking house.
[ugh! my dad is giving me all this crap to read.... and I dont even understand what the hell im reading!!!!]
Anyways... I've been sick all friggen day... and its pissing me off! I hate being sick! =[
And Jared is too,... and I wanna take care of him... but yea... Id jus get lost.
anyways, andrew put in money into my paypal... yay....
they went to work, and brandon gave me a hug before he left since I was feeling down.
idk if he really is a friend, or not... but I hope he is...
anyways, my dad came home while I was in the middle of updating my profile, making dreads, listening to music, and looking at the whole business situation....
I miss having the house to myself... but I know when the boys move, I might get really bored... but hopefully rich and ronnie will come soon, but it'll still be a few months =[
anyways, my dad and I went out to get sushi! :D yaaay
omg, it was sooooo friggen good!!!!
than we talked a little bit, I already knew my dad doesnt like my friends, but I didnt think he'd have much of a problem with Jared, which made me really really sad... he just doesnt trust him. =[
but I know he is gonna think rich and ronnie are weird too... but you know what, what ever! Judge everyone... I dont care....
but yea... I finally finished my profile for myspace again...
day 40...
I dont remember if I even called Bass today, but I did text his mom... but no answer.
Jared posted something about not knowing if we're dating or not, which I dont know either...
but pretty much from the moment we hooked up, we told everyone we were dating....
and I dont want it to be like last time, where I never actually get asked out....
But he has my heart.... and thats all that should really matter.
Maybe I should introduce him fully to my dad...
But I dont think my dad would be too happy about me dating someone I've only known for a short period of time.
I mean, lol, I wouldnt, but than again, I'd probably ask, and be a closer parent so in a way, it probably wouldnt matter as much
Monday, May 3, 2010
Day 39
omg, horrible day....
I dont even want to fricken talk about...
all I can say is that girls will always be retarded, and bitches.
I love seeing people's reactions, and I hope people will change for the better, always.
But me and chip were hella yelling at each other.... he cant respect me and my rules, than he needs to leave
I packed up his shit, and if he doesnt decide to change, and respect me... or my dad and mine's rules... hes out of the house tomorrow morning. and my dad doesnt go to work till late, and if he fights with it, my dad is gonna back me up.
I hate to do this, but a friend isnt a friend if he cant respect you and your rules when living there for free....
I love brandon, but, he just keeps getting worse and worse and worse,...
and im so stressed out to the max, that I skipped my period this month.
And Jared is so worried for me, that it makes me happy.
but yea, I've been sleeping all day, feeling sick....
and Jared has been sick all day, and I feel super bad that I couldnt be there to make him feel better =[
day 39
Horrible day...
I was supposed to walk to the college but got too lazy... its a 40 minute walk
waiting for chip to come home so I can talk to him. I hope he is willing to change while living in the house. if he acts how he acts outside, that doesnt matter.... in the house its different.
Jared makes me happy....
I dont even want to fricken talk about...
all I can say is that girls will always be retarded, and bitches.
I love seeing people's reactions, and I hope people will change for the better, always.
But me and chip were hella yelling at each other.... he cant respect me and my rules, than he needs to leave
I packed up his shit, and if he doesnt decide to change, and respect me... or my dad and mine's rules... hes out of the house tomorrow morning. and my dad doesnt go to work till late, and if he fights with it, my dad is gonna back me up.
I hate to do this, but a friend isnt a friend if he cant respect you and your rules when living there for free....
I love brandon, but, he just keeps getting worse and worse and worse,...
and im so stressed out to the max, that I skipped my period this month.
And Jared is so worried for me, that it makes me happy.
but yea, I've been sleeping all day, feeling sick....
and Jared has been sick all day, and I feel super bad that I couldnt be there to make him feel better =[
day 39
Horrible day...
I was supposed to walk to the college but got too lazy... its a 40 minute walk
waiting for chip to come home so I can talk to him. I hope he is willing to change while living in the house. if he acts how he acts outside, that doesnt matter.... in the house its different.
Jared makes me happy....
Day 37 and 38
Day 37... I fricken waited all day for Jared to come over =/
all,... day.
the cable guys came over and gave us some sort of special, and put cable in my room. yay.
My dad was gone for the weekend, off at this SCA thing. wasnt an event, it was just cleaning an area so they can eventually have wars and such.
Finally got got here....
We just chilled and talked,... and yea... cant really remember much of the day at all really except for when Jared wanted to talk about a certain something, which I honestly didnt want to talk about at all untill he was home, and I could tell him online... which seemed to have upset him....
I rolled over, and to me, he stormed off...
and after a lil while, I went outside to check up on him, he was nowhere in sight..
and so the whole thinking situation started...
the thinking of he'd just get tired of me and my drama, and me and my crying,....
and with that thinking, I sat in the bathroom and cried for about an hour, went back to my room, and cried for another hour and a half till chip came over.
chip comforted me, which was nice, than went to talk to Jared....
so after about 30 minutes, Jared came over and we talked....
and when he said 'Krystalle, I really like you' in person for like the first time or something, idk, maybe it was just the sound of his voice that made me happy...
after a while we talked,... and he said he was gonna ask me out at The Church club, where you can see people's texts on the big screen... OMG how cute!!!!
everyone just asks the boring way,...
and than he asked me out, but I didnt really understand him, or hear him, so all I pretty much said 'yea... wait, what?' lol i dont think thatss the answer he was looking for.
anyways, after a long talk, Brandon decided he wanted to make a smoothie...
omfg... that was the funniest thing in the whole world! he kinda didnt know how to do it... and he totally broke my spatula,.... by using it as an icecream scooper... than the stuff in the blender also kinda blew up in his face sorta...
way too funny of a night.
I also made a cookie cake type thingy.
anyways, we eventually started watching one of the Halloween movies... it was alright, everyone was complaining but me... lol I like stories more than killing, but than again killing freaks me out.
Chip hand Jared's computer, and Andrew had mine.... seriously? come on now.... they had the computers all night >.>
Day 37....
I cried for 2 hours and felt horrible that Jared didnt come to check up on me.
Bass still didnt answer his phone.
-----------
day 38.
Jared came over again
and we just waited for the boys to wake up so we could go to the park. My dad came home, and I cooked him some food...
than went to take a nap....
Than me and Jared went on a phone picture taking marathon lol it was cute.
about 3 oclock or something, Chip woke up, and was being all loud, and when I asked him to be quiet, he pretty much said 'i dont care if your dad's sleeping' when he said 'im not even being loud' well, he kinda did say 'whatever, i dont care'
anyways, omg, that pissed me off sooooooo bad.... cause my dad did wake up.
anyways, i did the dishes [they just keep loading up living with these boys] and than we found out that chip's aunt died....
but i was still upset at the whole disrespect thing.... when I say something, just do it... respect dude.....
so I gathered up all my change so we could go downtonw.... it wasnt even fun.
anyways, when we got on the bus I talked to Jared about the whole situation.... I pretty much want to kick him out if hes going to be a jerk all the time, and cant respect me... he acts like a good friend once in a blue moon, thats it.
anyways, me and chip pretty much didnt talk all day long.
We got to the park, and me and andrew just talked the whole time we were there, which was nice.
he had me a good laugh :]
Than we met up with Krystal... she wasnt what I expected really and I didnt feel like talking to strangers. I was freezing, and didnt feel good.
anyways, we just sat there all night, than went downtown for a split second just to say hi to klaa...
we said we had to go so we could catch the bus but klaa just kept talking and talking. ugh....
idk what is up with him right now. its like hes on his period [sorry if you read this, but I obviously talk crap about everyone]
anyways.... the past few days its like... idk, he doesnt like us all of the sudden...
oh btw, when we were at the park, kayla pulled some gay ass stunt.
ok, so we got on the bus home... Jared got off,... but missed his other bus :( and it was raining....
finally we got home after waiting in the cold for the other bus...
and i waited for andrew to get off the computer.. they each said 10 minutes... well I waited an hour.. what the f ever...
and than chip had to snap at me again...
and earlier he had asked for me to talk to kayla, and I comforted him and everything about the whole situtation, and he snaps about me and my phone. ugh... see, a friend for only like 5 minutes.
anyways, I left chip a message about him straightening out, or he is leaving than I left kayla a message cause of the whole chip thing, than left Jared a whole message about the whole thing that I was worried about....
day 38
I realize that im a very jealous and selfish person.
Bass never answered his phone still.
I miss Jared
I just had a dream that Bass got online...
than I had a dream that I asked my dad to cut my hair. what the fuck? nooooo
all,... day.
the cable guys came over and gave us some sort of special, and put cable in my room. yay.
My dad was gone for the weekend, off at this SCA thing. wasnt an event, it was just cleaning an area so they can eventually have wars and such.
Finally got got here....
We just chilled and talked,... and yea... cant really remember much of the day at all really except for when Jared wanted to talk about a certain something, which I honestly didnt want to talk about at all untill he was home, and I could tell him online... which seemed to have upset him....
I rolled over, and to me, he stormed off...
and after a lil while, I went outside to check up on him, he was nowhere in sight..
and so the whole thinking situation started...
the thinking of he'd just get tired of me and my drama, and me and my crying,....
and with that thinking, I sat in the bathroom and cried for about an hour, went back to my room, and cried for another hour and a half till chip came over.
chip comforted me, which was nice, than went to talk to Jared....
so after about 30 minutes, Jared came over and we talked....
and when he said 'Krystalle, I really like you' in person for like the first time or something, idk, maybe it was just the sound of his voice that made me happy...
after a while we talked,... and he said he was gonna ask me out at The Church club, where you can see people's texts on the big screen... OMG how cute!!!!
everyone just asks the boring way,...
and than he asked me out, but I didnt really understand him, or hear him, so all I pretty much said 'yea... wait, what?' lol i dont think thatss the answer he was looking for.
anyways, after a long talk, Brandon decided he wanted to make a smoothie...
omfg... that was the funniest thing in the whole world! he kinda didnt know how to do it... and he totally broke my spatula,.... by using it as an icecream scooper... than the stuff in the blender also kinda blew up in his face sorta...
way too funny of a night.
I also made a cookie cake type thingy.
anyways, we eventually started watching one of the Halloween movies... it was alright, everyone was complaining but me... lol I like stories more than killing, but than again killing freaks me out.
Chip hand Jared's computer, and Andrew had mine.... seriously? come on now.... they had the computers all night >.>
Day 37....
I cried for 2 hours and felt horrible that Jared didnt come to check up on me.
Bass still didnt answer his phone.
-----------
day 38.
Jared came over again
and we just waited for the boys to wake up so we could go to the park. My dad came home, and I cooked him some food...
than went to take a nap....
Than me and Jared went on a phone picture taking marathon lol it was cute.
about 3 oclock or something, Chip woke up, and was being all loud, and when I asked him to be quiet, he pretty much said 'i dont care if your dad's sleeping' when he said 'im not even being loud' well, he kinda did say 'whatever, i dont care'
anyways, omg, that pissed me off sooooooo bad.... cause my dad did wake up.
anyways, i did the dishes [they just keep loading up living with these boys] and than we found out that chip's aunt died....
but i was still upset at the whole disrespect thing.... when I say something, just do it... respect dude.....
so I gathered up all my change so we could go downtonw.... it wasnt even fun.
anyways, when we got on the bus I talked to Jared about the whole situation.... I pretty much want to kick him out if hes going to be a jerk all the time, and cant respect me... he acts like a good friend once in a blue moon, thats it.
anyways, me and chip pretty much didnt talk all day long.
We got to the park, and me and andrew just talked the whole time we were there, which was nice.
he had me a good laugh :]
Than we met up with Krystal... she wasnt what I expected really and I didnt feel like talking to strangers. I was freezing, and didnt feel good.
anyways, we just sat there all night, than went downtown for a split second just to say hi to klaa...
we said we had to go so we could catch the bus but klaa just kept talking and talking. ugh....
idk what is up with him right now. its like hes on his period [sorry if you read this, but I obviously talk crap about everyone]
anyways.... the past few days its like... idk, he doesnt like us all of the sudden...
oh btw, when we were at the park, kayla pulled some gay ass stunt.
ok, so we got on the bus home... Jared got off,... but missed his other bus :( and it was raining....
finally we got home after waiting in the cold for the other bus...
and i waited for andrew to get off the computer.. they each said 10 minutes... well I waited an hour.. what the f ever...
and than chip had to snap at me again...
and earlier he had asked for me to talk to kayla, and I comforted him and everything about the whole situtation, and he snaps about me and my phone. ugh... see, a friend for only like 5 minutes.
anyways, I left chip a message about him straightening out, or he is leaving than I left kayla a message cause of the whole chip thing, than left Jared a whole message about the whole thing that I was worried about....
day 38
I realize that im a very jealous and selfish person.
Bass never answered his phone still.
I miss Jared
I just had a dream that Bass got online...
than I had a dream that I asked my dad to cut my hair. what the fuck? nooooo
Saturday, May 1, 2010
Day 36 :]
Ok, so yesterday, [36]was a blast!
first of all.... I got a comment from someone, now that whole situation is stuck in my head for sure...
but anyways, Jared came over,... yaaay!
And so we just talked, I finally added all the music Klaa sent me...
Than I went to go register for classes.... I registered for college already, but they wouldnt let me apply for classes... lame! yea, I have to actually GO DOWN THERE to finish doing it. what the fuck ever!
Than I got a lovely call from a few un expected people....
I might talk about that in a myspace blog... maybe xp
But yea, we just sat around all day almost... but me and Jared made smoothies! :D
yay. they were super good o.o like you dont even know.
but someone ate all my bananas... which I asked the boys not to.
Anyways, I waited for andrew and Brandon to leave, so me and Jared could lock up...
We left, and started heading down to Zuni park... got half way there, just to find out that my friend couldnt make it to the park with us... so we hopped onto the bus, and started heading to Jareds house to get ready, cause Klaa wanted us to come to this other thing with him.
We got on the bus, and the lady was nice as fuck!
She offered to just drop us off right infront of the house!! But Klaa wanted to meet at wendy's
so she just decided to drop us off right there,... which isnt her route... but it was the end of her shift.
So we got ready at Jared's house, and headed off to the lakeside park...
omg,... lamest place in the world! but it was fun still <3
We got on this train thing, and when we got off, the people said we couldnt ride anymore! lol who cares?! but cause Jared stuck his arms out a few times... but whatever... the boy infront of us kept hanging out and spitting in the lake....
Oh, than I got a funnel cake! omg, o.o was fricken good!
Anyways after that, we went to the Church club... effin $20 bucks!!
It was fun though... I just wanted to dance... The goth music suuucked... ='( -sniff sniff- and the thing I noticed about Colorado, is there isnt as many goths as there are in cali.... which still has me thinking about the whole store thing, but whatever, I don care... I still want to do it here....
But yea, Im hoping to find a crowded goth club,... or I pretty much wont dance.
I like dancing, but I hate people focusing on me... Unless thats the whole idea like the go go dancers.... Jared kept saying I should be one lol
yea.... haha... no. one, I have no ass, two, I have no boobs, three,... I dont have a pretty face xD
but it'd look fun... and hella tiring, but fun.
But yea, omg, it was fun <33
and I saw the fish girl....inneresting....
But yea, so we headed home, and I fell asleep on Jareds lap :]
and called him babe in person for the first time... which is kinda a big thing for me =/
Meaning,.... Im starting to really fall for him :]
But Drama is following me again...
But thanks to Jared, I actually feel like a stronger person now. I dont have guys messing with my head or heart, and now I dont feel like I need to go to 'so and so' for comfort...
The only thing that is messing with my head is me thinking that as soon as Andrew and Chip move.. they are just going to ditch me.... like everyone else... Except the turlock crew... I hate the fact that they really dont have phones or computers to get ahold of me...
But yea... I totally kinda feel like chip is just putting on an act till he moves...
as much as they get on my nerves, I still want to be friends... Its just the simple respect thing, and the 'dont leave dishes in the sink if the dishwasher is empty, put water on your dishes so I can clean it off easier when I put it in the dish washer' 'clean off the dishes if your doing the dishes' 'yes, cook/eat whatever you want, just dont over do it on my dad's pepsi, or if im saving something to make smoothies' and 'clear your area[that includes your dirty clothes]' thats all
Im glad I found Jared.... but in a way I feel horrible... Its kinda like Im using him all of the sudden... Im not too keen about meeting new people jus cause I suck at it... and I feel like Him and Klaa would be the only one there for me when andrew and chip leave... so in a way I feel like im using them for my own support. Isnt that how it goes? girl and boy date than their life just revolves around them? Well thats not how I like it.... I like my boy, and my friends... but after they leave.... its probably just gonna be me jared and klaa till MY crew comes over... well, not really cause some stupid girl will probably be here too. and I dont really like girls... unless idk... there just has to be something about them that really catches my eye.
Anyways, day 36
Still no word from Bass, and no one else has heard from him too
Had a good, yet not good talk about my past, anf the future with Jared...
But he told me he could see himself with me for a while in the future :]
Im still trying to figure him out... and he still has a lot to learn about me too
so im glad we're taking the time....
But he makes me happy...
And not to compare or anything, please dont take it that way,
but like my last ex [not the one week thing] He has not given me a reason to dislike him in any sort of way....
Which usually.... I find a bunch of things before even dating someone... so im happy about that
Good morning Day 37... I hope to see Jared soon
first of all.... I got a comment from someone, now that whole situation is stuck in my head for sure...
but anyways, Jared came over,... yaaay!
And so we just talked, I finally added all the music Klaa sent me...
Than I went to go register for classes.... I registered for college already, but they wouldnt let me apply for classes... lame! yea, I have to actually GO DOWN THERE to finish doing it. what the fuck ever!
Than I got a lovely call from a few un expected people....
I might talk about that in a myspace blog... maybe xp
But yea, we just sat around all day almost... but me and Jared made smoothies! :D
yay. they were super good o.o like you dont even know.
but someone ate all my bananas... which I asked the boys not to.
Anyways, I waited for andrew and Brandon to leave, so me and Jared could lock up...
We left, and started heading down to Zuni park... got half way there, just to find out that my friend couldnt make it to the park with us... so we hopped onto the bus, and started heading to Jareds house to get ready, cause Klaa wanted us to come to this other thing with him.
We got on the bus, and the lady was nice as fuck!
She offered to just drop us off right infront of the house!! But Klaa wanted to meet at wendy's
so she just decided to drop us off right there,... which isnt her route... but it was the end of her shift.
So we got ready at Jared's house, and headed off to the lakeside park...
omg,... lamest place in the world! but it was fun still <3
We got on this train thing, and when we got off, the people said we couldnt ride anymore! lol who cares?! but cause Jared stuck his arms out a few times... but whatever... the boy infront of us kept hanging out and spitting in the lake....
Oh, than I got a funnel cake! omg, o.o was fricken good!
Anyways after that, we went to the Church club... effin $20 bucks!!
It was fun though... I just wanted to dance... The goth music suuucked... ='( -sniff sniff- and the thing I noticed about Colorado, is there isnt as many goths as there are in cali.... which still has me thinking about the whole store thing, but whatever, I don care... I still want to do it here....
But yea, Im hoping to find a crowded goth club,... or I pretty much wont dance.
I like dancing, but I hate people focusing on me... Unless thats the whole idea like the go go dancers.... Jared kept saying I should be one lol
yea.... haha... no. one, I have no ass, two, I have no boobs, three,... I dont have a pretty face xD
but it'd look fun... and hella tiring, but fun.
But yea, omg, it was fun <33
and I saw the fish girl....inneresting....
But yea, so we headed home, and I fell asleep on Jareds lap :]
and called him babe in person for the first time... which is kinda a big thing for me =/
Meaning,.... Im starting to really fall for him :]
But Drama is following me again...
But thanks to Jared, I actually feel like a stronger person now. I dont have guys messing with my head or heart, and now I dont feel like I need to go to 'so and so' for comfort...
The only thing that is messing with my head is me thinking that as soon as Andrew and Chip move.. they are just going to ditch me.... like everyone else... Except the turlock crew... I hate the fact that they really dont have phones or computers to get ahold of me...
But yea... I totally kinda feel like chip is just putting on an act till he moves...
as much as they get on my nerves, I still want to be friends... Its just the simple respect thing, and the 'dont leave dishes in the sink if the dishwasher is empty, put water on your dishes so I can clean it off easier when I put it in the dish washer' 'clean off the dishes if your doing the dishes' 'yes, cook/eat whatever you want, just dont over do it on my dad's pepsi, or if im saving something to make smoothies' and 'clear your area[that includes your dirty clothes]' thats all
Im glad I found Jared.... but in a way I feel horrible... Its kinda like Im using him all of the sudden... Im not too keen about meeting new people jus cause I suck at it... and I feel like Him and Klaa would be the only one there for me when andrew and chip leave... so in a way I feel like im using them for my own support. Isnt that how it goes? girl and boy date than their life just revolves around them? Well thats not how I like it.... I like my boy, and my friends... but after they leave.... its probably just gonna be me jared and klaa till MY crew comes over... well, not really cause some stupid girl will probably be here too. and I dont really like girls... unless idk... there just has to be something about them that really catches my eye.
Anyways, day 36
Still no word from Bass, and no one else has heard from him too
Had a good, yet not good talk about my past, anf the future with Jared...
But he told me he could see himself with me for a while in the future :]
Im still trying to figure him out... and he still has a lot to learn about me too
so im glad we're taking the time....
But he makes me happy...
And not to compare or anything, please dont take it that way,
but like my last ex [not the one week thing] He has not given me a reason to dislike him in any sort of way....
Which usually.... I find a bunch of things before even dating someone... so im happy about that
Good morning Day 37... I hope to see Jared soon
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