xbox

I just need to vent....
idk where else to post this....
I had been watching a movie, and playing COD and talking to Ronnie, and Richie, and Nickie, which I dont remember who he is, but apparently when Ronnie says 'The Asian' everyone suddenly knows who I am... lol So I guess he knows me.
I've done a lot of crying today.... not gonna lie.
I wish Jared hadnt sent me that message this morning...
It made me think of him [obviously] and by the end of the message, I had started crying...
Your mind doesnt make you cry.... the love from your heart does.
I just hate how hes replaced me so fast with another girl he doesnt even know!!!!!
And I miss him, and I cant believe hes gone! And I hate him so much!! I wish I never met him!!!!!!!!!
Because I will never get him out of my mind..... Every thing in my room remind me of him...
I told him that if we one day meet up again, and I dont want to punch him in the face, than yes, I would put this all behind us like he asked...
But the thing is, if I did see him, idk what i'd do.... if I'd slap him and start crying, or if i'd run away..... crying....
either way, I know I would just start crying, especially if I saw him with another girl.
I just want him back in my life like before.... in the summer....
I need him out of my mind....
But all I was is for him to come back.....
Thats all I want.....
But its like wishing my mom was still alive.... it'll never happen...
And I've got to understand that....
I want him out of my mind..... forever till the day we meet again, and I dont want a rush of stupid ass gay lame emotions to come rushing back....
because I know in the future it wont work out.