sex

I feel like crying...
because I dont want to be betrayed as a sex item....
I like doing cyber goth photoshoots... photoshoots that are out there...
I dont want to run into guys who want nothing but sex....
I mean, I dont even want to run into a guy, who likes me, and already wants to have sex... or is even just talking about it...
This guy I somewhat like... I know he doesnt like me. I mean, he hella makes me smile, and laugh....
but idk how, we got into the conversation about sex, and I said something like 'i wouldnt know, because im not really into sex' and now im sure he wouldnt like me even more. Im not looking to be with someone, I was just looking for comfort I guess.... or maybe I was hoping he did somewhat like me....
I dont want to be with someone, I dont want to be hooked up with anyone, but I hate being alone....
I do wish to find someone for me one day, one day before its too late...

im not sure why I feel like crying....
maybe because Im alone.... and I just want to be loved....
or maybe because I feel ugly....
or because I opened myself up again, and had hopes again.....
Or maybe because I feel like I really should just be 6 feet under.......