Its Hard

Seeing you flirt with another girl, tell her she's your world....
and than see you tell me something different. That your not into her, that they are just meaningless words...

I had a dream lastnight, that I was with your family, and we were all happy... the dream was more about your dad... he was really happy, and loving life... We were all happy that he was happy.

Idk why I had started to write this blog to Jared.... Kinda weird.
Anyways, my dad's boss is giving my dad one hell of a time. Im sure hes gonna get fired really really soon...
Maybe in a few weeks....
My dad went to the office, and put in a 2 month lease down, instead of month to month, so I'll probably be moving soon....
I want to move into those apartments I had looked at, but I think it'll make me sad... because at one point of time, I had dreamed of moving there with the man of my life....
I miss him, to tell the truth. And Im scared to miss him.

Today, my car wouldnt start.... and my boss wanted me to take the bus. note, I live in Westminster, and i work in littleton... yea... no. My dad had to take me.... tomorrow im gonna take my dad's car... go to the DMV and get my ID paper thing cause my boss said I cant get paid without an ID....

I've been so tired at work... I've been drinking coffee lately...
I was so tired, I asked a lady if she wanted 'lettuce and tomato' on her BLT sub...

I've been so lost lately, not knowing what to do with myself...
yet, i've been in a pretty happy mood.

I had a lot to say this morning... when I arrived to work 3 hours early.... but I dont feel like talking about it.
Wish I did.... wish I still wanted to share my feelings,.... but I've learned that no one gives a shit, no real friends are there for you... there are no real friends... I've never met a guy who really 'loved' me.... so Im just writing for myself.... to ease the pain... to forget, let out, to see, to feel, and to not think of....


But I do have one thing to say....
I have never met a guy who seemed so interested.... who wanted to know....
Who still read after it was all over....
But I have never been so hurt....

"I'd rather be put down by someone I dont really care for, or dont know that much, than be hurt by someone important to me, who I really care about, and love."