Fully?

The past couple of days has been nothing but shit....
Nothing good has come out of this past weekend.
I've been upset about so many things
shit happened
and I do shit, or shit happens to me, and they think about it for two seconds, and dont even consider the fact that I would that far for them.

I dont really understand why I am really upset...
Maybe because I am stressing out...
and I wanted to see you?
Maybe because I REALLY wanted that job, or wanted the goggles to come in, Im tired of being poor, my face just keeps looking uglier and uglier, I am tired of being in colorado, Im tired of being alone,.. Im just tired with life period.

I am just tired of being a nobody... Im tired of thinking about the past because Im going nowhere with my future. Im tired of missing friends that no longer exist in my life.

I sit here day after day, and think 'im fricken ugly, I need to stop playing games with this modeling thing' and than I look at someone's pictures and wish I could do something like that.

And than I lay in bed thinking about you all the time...
and than I think 'does he even think about me anymore?'
I cant even make you smile when your thinking about stupid shit all night long, and all day the next day.




Again, Im just stressed out. dont know what Im supposed to do with life...
I dont know what I want in life...
I just know im not as happy as I should be.
Im just a damaged girl.
And I've come to realize that I cant be fixed at all.

idk what to do with myself, and Im alone on this