Morning Texts

Its easier for me to sleep... knowing that I dont have to pray so hard for another chance,... or for you to love me still...
Its over, and I can sleep... but than again, I cant sleep.
I have dreams...
and I wake up with so much pain in my chest.
I'll have dreams that whenever my car tries to start, but just dies... my heart dies too...
I was thinking that it might mean that I may never love again like I loved you...
And that my heart is just useless without you.

I have other dreams of my heart just being ripped out, shutting down, bleeding, dying, turning to ashes...
And I've had a dream of you just punching me in the chest where my heart is =[ That one I have no clue what its about... But let me tell you, its pretty scary waking up thinking your dead or in the hospital....

But whats worse... is I wake up feeling your arms around me, but when I look around for you...
I realize its nothing but a dream.
Your not there...


I guess its because you had sounded so excited to spend the weekend with me...
I wasnt ready for this break-up... My body still feels that you were going to come over and be beside me.

Sometimes I'll wake up thinking im in your room, taking one of those naps with you.

I guess, without realizing it, I am still praying to be with you...
I may not be saying it to myself in my head, but my heart is.


But I know you want to feel alive, and that you still have much of a life to live...
And I know you dont want to feel trapped.
I didnt know I was keeping you from living...
I didnt realize I was that boring.

"I know Im not beautiful,
and I dont have a great personality...
Im not wild and crazy, and I dont drink.
I cant sing, or cook.
My eyes are just the same as any other girl's...
But the thing that makes me a great girl,
is that I love you with all my heart,
and I would give you my whole world.
Its that I know your my everything,
and I will do everything in my power to make you happy.
Its that Im grateful to have you in my life,
and Im grateful for each day I have with you.

Love,
Krystalle"


This is what I had put under a picture of me and you...
Yes, its true... all of it.
I want to be with you....
But I want to show you a different side of me.
I may not be as crazy as anyone else you know....
But I can show you that I am not as boring as you think I am.
I know I have already told you this before, I know. Sorry.
And as much as I wish I could be with you, I keep thinking that this could be our chance to get to know each other in a different way.

idk how yet...
maybe you could have your friends, and I could have my friends, and we could all chill one day? I just need to make those friends.
I just wouldnt bring Chip, if you wont bring 'her'
I wont bring a guy who is going to flirt with me, as long as you dont bring girls that are going to flirt with you...
What do you say?

You keep saying we might have a chance in the future...
I'd like that to happen, but I am not going to keep my hopes up.
That doesnt mean Im going to go look for a guy, or look for dates or anything...
You have told me all of these stories about your ex, and how you had your remounds...
It kinda scares me... a lot....
To know your sleeping with other girls, finding people better than me...
Its all part of the break up though.
I just hope you remember all the love I gave you. I hope you never forget about that.
But I want you to live, and be alive, and not be trapped...
So dont think about me! ok?

I want you to be happy, but I just dont want you to forget about me.

Someone told me that if another guy comes around, that I shouldnt throw away a good thing just for you...
And I told her, that you ARE a good reason to throw away some random guy. Ya, im not keeping my hopes up, but I want to show you how I can be in a different way... I want to give you that chance, not for me, and not to date you,.. but because I think you've had the wrong idea of me, and you deserve to see that part of me without some guy hanging around my shoulders all the time.

And.... Im not looking as you know, and I just dont feel like being in a relationship with anyone else right now... and thats not going to change for a long long time.


I have kinda gone off topic here, Im sorry. Writing is just the easiest way for me to deal with things.

I woke up many times today, but the last time I woke up, I was holding my phone to my chest....
I guess I had been waiting for a text from you like every morning.
Im sad because I know your probably texting 'morning' to other people...
everyone else... but me...
I know you said I could text you and tell you stuff,...
but in a way I feel like I cant. I feel like you need time away from talking to me, as much as I would hate that.
This change for me is going to take a long time, so please dont feel like I am trying to stay attached to you. Please dont think that Im still trying to be a big part of your life, even though you said you want me to be a part of your life still.
I just love you with all my heart still, and you still mean the world to me.
Its not going to change over night, or in a week...


I wish you would have realized before we were dating exactly what you had wanted...
that you didnt really actually want a girlfriend like me.
You read all my stuff, and knew everything I had gone through, and saw that I was a clingy person... in fact, you even liked that about me...
I wish you never told me you wanted to marry me if you didnt know if you did or not.
I wish you never wanted to go look for apartments, when I was the one who didnt want to..
I wish you wouldnt have been getting so upset because I was taking my time to say 'i love you'
Havnt you noticed that?
That I was taking my time so you would get to know me before you got too close?
This is exactly what I was trying to avoid...
I was trying to let you understand who I am, let you realize what it is that you want, before we got too close, before you got my hopes up, before you just threw everything away because you didnt know what you wanted, when I gave you all that time to think.
But it could take years to realize that something isnt right for you, which is ok. Im not mad...



Dont let anything I type bother you Jared... just letting everything out...
its easier for me to move on if I write.
I love you... always.
love,
Mouse