New Winter, New Broken Heart

Every broken heart is inspired to write...
And I definitely have one broken heart.
Im still in love, and am not ready to let go even though I know I have to...
So I hope he doesnt mind too much... for me, it was very sudden for me... too sudden.
This boy...
He may always have my heart the way he had it when we first met...
He may be in my dreams when im wide awake...
And he may be my tears of the dreams I wish came true.

He told me that love dies and fades...
But as I say,
"Love never dies or fades... You either love, or you never did."
He seems to protest against it....
But I think he just meant that his love is not strong... It hasnt faded away, its just not strong.

And as the both of us say that we wish we could go back in time and change things...
I think I wish for it more.
I felt so perfect with him...
And I feel the blame for everything.
I feel like if I just held my tongue, things would be alright...
But than again, I also deserve to be with someone who can understand me and my problems...
But than again... its not right to just argue over stupid little things.
Maybe Im like bipolar or something? heh...
But bipolar people deserve love too.
But there isnt a day that goes by that I dont regret all those fights I've caused.
I just wish I could go back in time... Go back and change things... Kept going the way we were in the summer time.
He said that if we kept going like that, we would have made it...

What happened to us? Why did we let this happen?
sure, I've been engaged... sure I've wanted to merry someone...
But there hasnt been a person that I wanted to merry, and die together with.
There has never been a man where I was willing to be the one to ask the question...
But its over now...
And all I could ask for now from him, is to just be friends...
I wish things were different, but this is what he wants.

Though you dont still really love me, I will always love you...
Though we are not together, I will still want to take care of you...
I want to make sure your not going back to your past...
I want to make sure you dont do anything stupid, just because 'it wont show in your test'
You were so happy that your life had changed... I dont want you to regret anything.
You know you dont want to go down that path, so dont even think about it.

So please, dont mind me and my broken heart.
Dont feel guilty, or mad.
Dont feel like you are responsible...
A broken heart just needs a way to let out her pain.




New Winter, New Broken Heart

Every winter here has been the same... Long, and alone.
Its my worst season... And honestly, the worst time to break up with someone.
I was at a friend's house lastnight, as she was TRYING to break up with her boyfriend...
But he just wouldnt take it. He would not let her go... pretty much begging her to stay with him, without sounding too desperate though.
It was sad... because she could just say all these things,.. and he still wanted to be with her,...
As she was doing that, I was on her bed crying over a letter from my ex... He had broken up with me a few hours earlier.
But before my friend's boyfriend called, we were planning on a new life....
After I get my heart broken,... I do what I do best... Run away.
No rebound, no messing with other guys... No.
I run away... To another state.
My dad said he would apply for a job in England, and we could move there.
The only reason why I didnt want to, was because I had something here for me.

But who said we'd move right now? If nothing works out for me, I do hope to move soon...
But untill than I need to plan a new life.
Going out and meeting new friends...
finding groups of close friends... more guys than girls always seems more fun.
But dont get me wrong, its not like that...
I am not going to go looking for a guy, or a hook-up, a one night stand...
And probably every guy that even asks me out, i'd probably straight up say no.
Already guys have been calling me cutie, or trying to flirt with me...
and its already pissing me off.
I know im single, but my heart is still taken.
My friend said we should get jobs together, and outfits that match...
She said she'd help me with the club events...
I forgot to mention that she wouldnt get paid though.
And since winter is here... would we really be going out that much?
So would we really have anything to go do with any new friends?
I got excited because I am actually going to go out and live a life again..
I just wish he was here so I could share that life with him.

Its still going to be hard for me... I was going to have all these clothes for modeling events for models to try on,... as I model as well... Its going to be hard for that to happen now... now that im alone.

I hate the feeling of being alone....
All my doors are locked now...
No reason to go out that door.
I may sit in that chair just to remember...
But with winter here,.. I'd just be a lonely girl, watching her breath.
Maybe I should just take the chair out and put it away.
I might as well put away the hot chocolate...
I might as well close the blinds...
Winter just isnt any fun alone.
The snow will be untouched just like me.
And it shall stay quiet, not even a sound...
Untill I play old videos, and play old songs...


I'll move on one day, but no time soon,
because this winter, my doors are locked, with no reason to go out.