If You Really Knew Me

I post a lot about myself,... complaining as most of you would call it.
I call it 'letting my feelings out'
Looking for attention is what you call it.
finding who your real friends is what I call it.

I was watching 'If You Really Knew Me' on MTV
I think everyone has a story that wants to be told.

Back in high school, Im sure a lot of kids went through stuff, other than who is the best at school.. Other than who is the prettiest, other than top grades.

When kids are happy... You can tell. When kids are sad, you can tell. They didnt care who was infront of them, they would laugh, didnt matter who was infront of them, they would cry.

When you call a place 'home' but when you really go 'home'... does it really feel like home?


When people write, maybe its because they are looking for attention. Not attention like your thinking though. Maybe when people want attention... they are asking someone to be there for them... they are looking to be cared for, they are looking for a chance to be happy. Maybe they cant do it alone... maybe just one person cant fill every hole they have. Sometimes they need help filling in all the other holes.

Was someone there for you every time you needed someone?
Yes? So you got through it easier? You felt better.. So why dont you help another person?
Or no? So you suffered alone... How did it feel? So you dont mind seeing someone else suffer?


If someone told a story online,... would you even read it?
But if they told you that same exact story in person,... would you even listen?
If they started crying,... would you hug them?
Would you mean it?
Would you cry with them?


When you were in school, did you ever talk about your problems?
Did you keep your problems to yourself untill you were out of school?

So as I cant remember complaining so much at school, I feel like I am letting 4 years of my life out in my blogs.
So for those of you who know me now, but not before, Im not complaining.
For those of you who have heard my stories, and all you can say 'I dont see how your alive after all you've been through' or 'I would not be able to be in your spot'
I must say, that I have times in life where Im at my wost, and times that I just let everything drive right past me, without a thought.

For those of you who had to grow up too fast, for those who were never a child..
For those of you who were teased, or told that you were not as good as someone else...
For all of you who's parents dont act like they love you,...
for all of you who are loving, but dont get love back...
For everyone who wouldnt cry when they wanted to...
For those who cry themselves to sleep...
For those who has a bad day, and has no one there for them...
For everyone who is stuck in a shell, and cant get out...
For the people who's lost someone in your life...
For the people who walked out of your life...
For those of you who will act like nothing happened tomorrow...
For everyone who doesnt let it out...
For everyone who does...
For everyone...


I love you.
I may not know who you are...
I may hate you for things you've purposely done to me
I may not trust you..
But I would listen to your stories if you told them to me...
I would hug you if you cried infront of me.
I read your blogs if I see them.
I would crie if you cried... even if its just inside.


When I was in 11th grade my mom got cancer...
I dont even remember telling anyone but Derrick Butcher [my ex]
I went to school and I did hate it, because I was at a new school... but being at the new school, I didnt have very many close friends, so I didnt have to talk about my problems.
12th grade, I stopped hanging out with so many people, and kept to myself mostly.
So again, I didnt tell much people about what was really going on.
The year after I graduated, my mom and I were living back into the house with no heat or AC and this time, no hot water either...
The year after I graduated, my mom passed away.

Im going to go back a few grades....
6th grade, I lived in hotels, and in the car, and in stranger's houses with my mom
7th grade, I moved, and lived in a walk-in closet. No heat, no AC...
8th grade, it was still the same situation.
9th grade, my mom had heart problems. She almost died twice. My mom tried to kill herself infront of me... She bit me, and the school called the police
10th grade, the only problems I seemed to have were boy problems. 10th grade was the best school year I had. I moved out of the closet, and into a room,.. but still no heat or AC


I think everyone needs to open their eyes... and realize people are not complaining... they are letting their feelings out. Wanting to be heard without calling it 'looking for attention'

Today... be there for someone.