Sometimes my boyfriend makes me sad, mad, irritated, and frustrated...
But sometimes he makes me the happiest person in the whole world.
Sometimes I wish he was more of a dancer, or had more fashion.
But I should be ashamed to wish he was something more than he is...
Sometimes [sadly] I wish he was more like my ex.....
But with all this wishing, I than realize, he is better than a boyfriend who can dance, or a boyfriend with fashion... or a boyfriend that can cook... or a boyfriend that is like my ex...
I have realized.... the best thing, and the most important thing is that he loves me,... He loves me more than anyone else I've ever met... And that tops any wish I could ever wish... well, besides staying with each other for many many years.
I will always love my ex in some sort of way,... but lately I've been thinking,... 'what if I run into him when I need to find richie in turlock....'
Last time when we 'wernt talking' to each other because he was dating,... I called him a fag,... at his house, when he opened the door.
it was kinda funny actually.... well, not to me really,... well kinda. I almost laughed. and I think he did too? actually, I think Alayna's mom came in and was like 'OH!!! THTATS why ronnie is punching the wall, because your here'
heh... ok, it wasnt that funny. Its probably because Im such a respectful girl, and I never say things to hurt people on purpose... like ever. I cant even remember why I called him that... or if I even called him that. Im sure I said 'jerk' or asshole instead of fag.... thats such a harsh word.
ANYWAYS!!! as I was saying.... what if I run into him, what if he tries to mess with my head just because he thinks its funny....
he always had that control over me...
but you know, now that I think about it.... I have something better than I ever had...
something better than him.
I have a boyfriend who loves me more than any ex I've ever had....
I have my own business now.
I dont have drama in my own home.
And than sometimes I think about the past with my friends....
and sometimes I try to think of my ex....
and its kinda funny because....
I think about how much better off I am... About how I forget his name and mix it with someone else's, about how I forgot his face, about how I never say old sayings anymore, about how I'll have a better life, about how Jared is the greatest guy... About how I've moved on.
I no longer wish to be back with him... and all my pictures on the wall have all fallen down, and I no longer care to put them back up...
I still wish to be somewhat friends,... but I am no longer making a goal of it..
I just want to go to cali, show off my fangs, and that I have money to buy new AWESOME clothing...
I just hope I get my fangs in time.
I wanted to make him and his baby a quilt, of a crow and a moon, but.... than I decided not to when I hear some shit about how Im being talked crap about,... when I havnt talked to him in forever.... they have no rights to do that, so Im not gonna make some stupid quilt for them.
Im tired of doing nice things for people when they would never do the same for me.
Jared is better than anything I could ever have.... ever.
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