Im not even going to talk about today.
I dont know what to do with my life....
I just feel like Im going down the hill more and more....
and I hate my ex. well I dont hate him, I just dont understand why he hates me, and I dont understand why he is friends with lex. she's only desperate for friends when shes introuble...
which is all the time.... but she goes to different people for different things...
He probably doesnt like me because I hate her...
but I have a reason to hate her.
She is the WHOLE REASON WHY I HATE GIRLS!!!!
and my whole night was ruined... I wanted to see jared....
and.... UGH!!!
anyways, I went to go buy a new steamer,.... doesnt work THAT great,... but it'll do till I get a steamer online
at least tomorrow im making filipino food
yes... we went to the asian market today, and I drove everywhere today
and the boys left to a concert today.... and tried forcing me to go with... tried picking me up to make me go out of the house.....
but I thought i'd be seeing jared but no
day 51
bass's phone is off
donnie hates me
jared thinks im arguing
i need a car now before I spend toooo much money
I need my own house
my dad and jared's mom needs to trust us
Saturday, May 15, 2010
Day 50 [yesterday]
I dont really want to talk about yesterday.....
first of all, Jared was supposed to come early, but he didnt.... he came late
so I walked to the college alone....
and got the hold taken off of my registration, but now im on a waitinglist for my class I think.
but andrew invited me to a concert, how nice, but we ended up not going. brandon ended up going by himself
me andrew and jared went to the mall so I could get a sweater..... which nowhere!!! had one....
so I was hella pissed off, than andrew told me about how chip was 'thinking' about paying me back, but was thinking of NOT paying me back...
that is chip's last strike.... today or tomorrow when he gets home, Im going to have to talk to him about it.... see whats going on,.... and I just might kick him out.
you know what? Every single fucking time I hang out with Jared, I get pissed off.... either cause jared is too slow.... brandon does shit to irritate me, or someone gives me bad news,... or jared comes late, or we cant find anything to do and we cant really 'spend time together' if my dad is home....
or I want to hang out with him alone but someone else has to tag along.... like lastnight was totally fine, except the fact that I had to be home this weekend
atleast yesterday Jared and my dad were sorta talking, which was kinda nice.....
anyways, I felt bad cause I couldnt spend more time out,.....
day 50
bass wouldnt answer his phone still
life is irritating
I wish I had a car right now
first of all, Jared was supposed to come early, but he didnt.... he came late
so I walked to the college alone....
and got the hold taken off of my registration, but now im on a waitinglist for my class I think.
but andrew invited me to a concert, how nice, but we ended up not going. brandon ended up going by himself
me andrew and jared went to the mall so I could get a sweater..... which nowhere!!! had one....
so I was hella pissed off, than andrew told me about how chip was 'thinking' about paying me back, but was thinking of NOT paying me back...
that is chip's last strike.... today or tomorrow when he gets home, Im going to have to talk to him about it.... see whats going on,.... and I just might kick him out.
you know what? Every single fucking time I hang out with Jared, I get pissed off.... either cause jared is too slow.... brandon does shit to irritate me, or someone gives me bad news,... or jared comes late, or we cant find anything to do and we cant really 'spend time together' if my dad is home....
or I want to hang out with him alone but someone else has to tag along.... like lastnight was totally fine, except the fact that I had to be home this weekend
atleast yesterday Jared and my dad were sorta talking, which was kinda nice.....
anyways, I felt bad cause I couldnt spend more time out,.....
day 50
bass wouldnt answer his phone still
life is irritating
I wish I had a car right now
Thursday, May 13, 2010
Day 49
Nothing really happened today.... so this'll be a short post again....
we had a mix up about a photoshoot, well not a mix up, but more like a cancel cause the original photographer couldnt make it due to business meeting,.... so this other photographer said he would shoot... but wanted to do it at 9pm, in a hotel room...
yeeeaaa.... nooo.... it would be alright if he had lights, but if he didnt have lights, he'd just be a man, with a camera, very bad lighting, and that just doesnt go with me...
UGH I MISS JARED SO FRICKEN MUCH!!
Ok, back to what I was saying... I waited all day pretty much just to figure out that he wanted to shoot at 9....
so he wants to see if he'll be free tomorrow at 4....
but I wanna see jared tomorrow, but he might have to work,... but I hope he doesnt =[ I'd be hella sad....
but if he doesnt, than I want him to come to the shoot with me....
but that'd be kinda awkward with me, cause its awkward when my friends watch me model, but.... it'd be interesting.
anyways... Brandon and Andrew went to a concert today, didnt invite me, but thats ok.
Anyways..... Jared has been working all day long... 13 hours... I miss him... I miss talking to him, and now he cant get online cause his power is off....
ugh, now my ex is bothering me about 'you lied... you did cheat on me with that guy' whatever the story is.... its done and over with.... but I dont need to tell him anything.....
ugh, he just ruined my night
I never want to bring that thing up again... guess who told him....
that one chick friend I trusted.... that girl who I had put so much trust into. I should have saved her number so I could fricken bitch her the fuck out....
I hate her so much
Day 49....
She just ruined my night.
bass didnt answer his phone
Dear Lex.... Alexis Saxus
OR WHATEVER THE FUCK YOUR LAST NAME IS....
SHUT THE FUCK UP YOU FUCKING SLUT!!!
You go around asking guys to fuck you.... than you tell them to cum in you.... THAN YOU GO HAVE AN ABORTION!!!
You like.... WANT to kill babies on purpose.....
Shut your fucking mouth.....
You were off cheating on your bf, with Donnie.... and we were best friends... so you said...
so go ahead, get high, do your shitload of drugs, and have that baby.... I feel sorry for you.
So yes... NOW I AM MAD AT YOU!
I fucking moved to a different state, left you and oceanside WAY BEHIND and yet,.... the drama still finds me. what the fuck....
The boys are gone for the night, and I STILL have to deal with drama.... drama that was like, right after high school, and right when my mom died... seriously? We have to bring this part of time in my life again? omfg... get out of my life alexis....
V is for your stupid overly used vagina that just goes around, using guys.... and I thought it was supposed to be the other way around
we had a mix up about a photoshoot, well not a mix up, but more like a cancel cause the original photographer couldnt make it due to business meeting,.... so this other photographer said he would shoot... but wanted to do it at 9pm, in a hotel room...
yeeeaaa.... nooo.... it would be alright if he had lights, but if he didnt have lights, he'd just be a man, with a camera, very bad lighting, and that just doesnt go with me...
UGH I MISS JARED SO FRICKEN MUCH!!
Ok, back to what I was saying... I waited all day pretty much just to figure out that he wanted to shoot at 9....
so he wants to see if he'll be free tomorrow at 4....
but I wanna see jared tomorrow, but he might have to work,... but I hope he doesnt =[ I'd be hella sad....
but if he doesnt, than I want him to come to the shoot with me....
but that'd be kinda awkward with me, cause its awkward when my friends watch me model, but.... it'd be interesting.
anyways... Brandon and Andrew went to a concert today, didnt invite me, but thats ok.
Anyways..... Jared has been working all day long... 13 hours... I miss him... I miss talking to him, and now he cant get online cause his power is off....
ugh, now my ex is bothering me about 'you lied... you did cheat on me with that guy' whatever the story is.... its done and over with.... but I dont need to tell him anything.....
ugh, he just ruined my night
I never want to bring that thing up again... guess who told him....
that one chick friend I trusted.... that girl who I had put so much trust into. I should have saved her number so I could fricken bitch her the fuck out....
I hate her so much
Day 49....
She just ruined my night.
bass didnt answer his phone
Dear Lex.... Alexis Saxus
OR WHATEVER THE FUCK YOUR LAST NAME IS....
SHUT THE FUCK UP YOU FUCKING SLUT!!!
You go around asking guys to fuck you.... than you tell them to cum in you.... THAN YOU GO HAVE AN ABORTION!!!
You like.... WANT to kill babies on purpose.....
Shut your fucking mouth.....
You were off cheating on your bf, with Donnie.... and we were best friends... so you said...
so go ahead, get high, do your shitload of drugs, and have that baby.... I feel sorry for you.
So yes... NOW I AM MAD AT YOU!
I fucking moved to a different state, left you and oceanside WAY BEHIND and yet,.... the drama still finds me. what the fuck....
The boys are gone for the night, and I STILL have to deal with drama.... drama that was like, right after high school, and right when my mom died... seriously? We have to bring this part of time in my life again? omfg... get out of my life alexis....
V is for your stupid overly used vagina that just goes around, using guys.... and I thought it was supposed to be the other way around
Wednesday, May 12, 2010
Day 48
The thing that sucks about this whole blog thing.... is by the time I blog, I forget what happened in the morning.
Anyways.... I think I pretty much laid in bed all day.... in fact, today was very very boring.....
I was supposed to go to the college, but they actually closed at 4:45 so I couldnt go anyways....
And I backcombed my dreads,... and went to try out my new steamer.... yea.... didnt work how I wanted it to! D< ugh....
So than I took a nap for 2 hours....
woke up, had pizza, and that was pretty much it.
Boring day, yea, but also kinda relaxing
And all I can tell you is how much I miss Jared =[
Anyways, hopefullly tomorrow i'll have a photoshoot.....
I wish I could do a goth shoot with Jared,... but... yea xD haha, not gonna happen.
Day 48
Bass didnt answer his phone still
I took a pretty picture of the tree behind my room, with snow on it. :] it was pretty
I hope I get to see Jared Friday
Anyways.... I think I pretty much laid in bed all day.... in fact, today was very very boring.....
I was supposed to go to the college, but they actually closed at 4:45 so I couldnt go anyways....
And I backcombed my dreads,... and went to try out my new steamer.... yea.... didnt work how I wanted it to! D< ugh....
So than I took a nap for 2 hours....
woke up, had pizza, and that was pretty much it.
Boring day, yea, but also kinda relaxing
And all I can tell you is how much I miss Jared =[
Anyways, hopefullly tomorrow i'll have a photoshoot.....
I wish I could do a goth shoot with Jared,... but... yea xD haha, not gonna happen.
Day 48
Bass didnt answer his phone still
I took a pretty picture of the tree behind my room, with snow on it. :] it was pretty
I hope I get to see Jared Friday
Tuesday, May 11, 2010
Day 47...
Today was an alright day....
I got up, and talked to my babe like 6:30am than my dad told me I should just give up on BK... It would take too much time out of school, and everything else I need to do.
So anyways, my dad came and took me to the school and I did my essay test..... it was ok,... I got a 5 out of 8? idk, the whole thing is fucking confusing as fuck.
Anyways, as I was walking home, I GOT A NOSE BLEED!!! omg.... yea... it suuucked...
anyways, than Jared came over... he was a little to... poking, and tickling for my comfort... well not comfort, but it did kinda.... really get on my nerves after a while... I hate being tickled, and I hate being poked....
anyways, at one point of time we were standing in the bathroom with the doors open, and the lights off, just standing in each others arms, staring into the mirror.... and he said 'We do make a cute couple, you know that right?'
AWWWWWW!!!!! How cute!!!!! <33
Anyways, I ended up making dinner, washing the dishes, and watched a movie....
I cooked rice and tilipia fish....
it was alright.
Jared is like, a major chicken when my dad comes home. he didnt want to get up to take a piss, he didnt want to talk, he didnt want to eat when I made everyone food....
poor thing
Oh, and at one point of time,... I had asked chip to take the trash out before work... of course, he didnt....
I also asked the boys to always wash their dishes.... of course, they never do....
I asked the boys to keep their dirty clothes in a white trash bag so its NOT ALL OVER MY FUCKING ROOM!!! of course, they cant do that either.
Oh, one more thing, I asked them not to leave their clothes in my bathroom... they cant even do that... all they can do is make food, make loud noises, take over the computer and t.v. go to work, STILL ask for money,.... and make mess...
Andrew may not do much, but at least he doesnt get on my nerves so friggen much
Oh, why am I talking about this? cause fucking chip had to be rude again.
I was already feeling down because my friend keeps having miscarriages and I can no longer be there to see her since she lives down in the springs... shes like my only chick friend,.... so I was wanting to get on the computer soon....
i said 9 is when I wanted the computer... and he always says 'you dont need to ask, just take the computer'
so this time I was like 'ok, its 9... get off' cause I told him a few times to get off and to hurry up, so than I said it again hes like 'fine, here' leans back, doesnt move, or give me the computer, so I get up and wait for him to move his legs so I can walk by and say 'can you please move'
and hes like 'what, you dont know how to say excuse me?' with an attitude.....
ok, its not the worst thing in the world... but you just dont say that to someone your bumming off of. YOU GIVE THEM WHAT YOU WANT, ACT HOW THEY WANT YOU TO!
as in,.... with fucking respect.
anyways.... my dad found this nice firebird I want for like $3000
I found one cheaper a while back, but I dont think they would have it anymore....
Day 47.
Bass never answered.
chip considers me a friend for 2 seconds.... if I asked him to live with me for fun, it'd be a different story....
I wish I could have taken a nap with Jared today before my dad came home
I got up, and talked to my babe like 6:30am than my dad told me I should just give up on BK... It would take too much time out of school, and everything else I need to do.
So anyways, my dad came and took me to the school and I did my essay test..... it was ok,... I got a 5 out of 8? idk, the whole thing is fucking confusing as fuck.
Anyways, as I was walking home, I GOT A NOSE BLEED!!! omg.... yea... it suuucked...
anyways, than Jared came over... he was a little to... poking, and tickling for my comfort... well not comfort, but it did kinda.... really get on my nerves after a while... I hate being tickled, and I hate being poked....
anyways, at one point of time we were standing in the bathroom with the doors open, and the lights off, just standing in each others arms, staring into the mirror.... and he said 'We do make a cute couple, you know that right?'
AWWWWWW!!!!! How cute!!!!! <33
Anyways, I ended up making dinner, washing the dishes, and watched a movie....
I cooked rice and tilipia fish....
it was alright.
Jared is like, a major chicken when my dad comes home. he didnt want to get up to take a piss, he didnt want to talk, he didnt want to eat when I made everyone food....
poor thing
Oh, and at one point of time,... I had asked chip to take the trash out before work... of course, he didnt....
I also asked the boys to always wash their dishes.... of course, they never do....
I asked the boys to keep their dirty clothes in a white trash bag so its NOT ALL OVER MY FUCKING ROOM!!! of course, they cant do that either.
Oh, one more thing, I asked them not to leave their clothes in my bathroom... they cant even do that... all they can do is make food, make loud noises, take over the computer and t.v. go to work, STILL ask for money,.... and make mess...
Andrew may not do much, but at least he doesnt get on my nerves so friggen much
Oh, why am I talking about this? cause fucking chip had to be rude again.
I was already feeling down because my friend keeps having miscarriages and I can no longer be there to see her since she lives down in the springs... shes like my only chick friend,.... so I was wanting to get on the computer soon....
i said 9 is when I wanted the computer... and he always says 'you dont need to ask, just take the computer'
so this time I was like 'ok, its 9... get off' cause I told him a few times to get off and to hurry up, so than I said it again hes like 'fine, here' leans back, doesnt move, or give me the computer, so I get up and wait for him to move his legs so I can walk by and say 'can you please move'
and hes like 'what, you dont know how to say excuse me?' with an attitude.....
ok, its not the worst thing in the world... but you just dont say that to someone your bumming off of. YOU GIVE THEM WHAT YOU WANT, ACT HOW THEY WANT YOU TO!
as in,.... with fucking respect.
anyways.... my dad found this nice firebird I want for like $3000
I found one cheaper a while back, but I dont think they would have it anymore....
Day 47.
Bass never answered.
chip considers me a friend for 2 seconds.... if I asked him to live with me for fun, it'd be a different story....
I wish I could have taken a nap with Jared today before my dad came home
Monday, May 10, 2010
Day 46
So I woke up...... and.... yea, text jared..... he went back to sleep, I stayed up and wrote about stupid shit....
got ready for work, than decided I wanted to sit and make dreads.....
Jared text me, than I went off to work.....
it sucked... I sat for 2 hours filling papers out... ok, wait... I sat there for 10 minutes filling papers out.... it took 2 hours for her to come back, give me more papers, and do other stuff...... but whatever.
I dont feel like going into work tomorrow. but it is only for 4 hours....
4-8 but its such a lame job.... and my dad just says 'well why dont you get a different job' Im still sick, and I wanted to go into the college tomorrow to do the essay thing.... but now I have to either wait, or have my dad take me on his lunch break, and walk back home.....
It was super boring.....
tomorrow I just feel like saying 'hey,... cant work... dad JUST put me into college' but that wouldnt make sense cause my classes dont start till like next month....
I just... DONT need this job.... I only took it cause I thought my dad wanted me to work.... yea... he just says 'I thought you'd wait for something better... but oh well'
I'll figure it out tomorrow if I wanna work or not.
UGH WHY IS MY COMPUTER BEING SO FUCKING... SLOW?!?! OR INTERNET CONNECTION, WHATEVER!!!
oh, andrew got fired from burgerking today... sucks. at least i'd have one person to talk to
I feel bad cause I totally flipped out on Jared not too long ago =[
I need to learn to control myself
Day 46.
Started work for the first time in like a year... [besides volunteer work at a nursing center]
Bass still hasnt answered his phone
I feel sick
idk if I should be working around food with a runny nose lol
I miss Jared.... I feel like a horrible person
got ready for work, than decided I wanted to sit and make dreads.....
Jared text me, than I went off to work.....
it sucked... I sat for 2 hours filling papers out... ok, wait... I sat there for 10 minutes filling papers out.... it took 2 hours for her to come back, give me more papers, and do other stuff...... but whatever.
I dont feel like going into work tomorrow. but it is only for 4 hours....
4-8 but its such a lame job.... and my dad just says 'well why dont you get a different job' Im still sick, and I wanted to go into the college tomorrow to do the essay thing.... but now I have to either wait, or have my dad take me on his lunch break, and walk back home.....
It was super boring.....
tomorrow I just feel like saying 'hey,... cant work... dad JUST put me into college' but that wouldnt make sense cause my classes dont start till like next month....
I just... DONT need this job.... I only took it cause I thought my dad wanted me to work.... yea... he just says 'I thought you'd wait for something better... but oh well'
I'll figure it out tomorrow if I wanna work or not.
UGH WHY IS MY COMPUTER BEING SO FUCKING... SLOW?!?! OR INTERNET CONNECTION, WHATEVER!!!
oh, andrew got fired from burgerking today... sucks. at least i'd have one person to talk to
I feel bad cause I totally flipped out on Jared not too long ago =[
I need to learn to control myself
Day 46.
Started work for the first time in like a year... [besides volunteer work at a nursing center]
Bass still hasnt answered his phone
I feel sick
idk if I should be working around food with a runny nose lol
I miss Jared.... I feel like a horrible person
Sunday, May 9, 2010
Day 45
Day 45.
its been a pretty good day......
Its Brandon's bday,....
I woke up and set some chocolate covered cookies next to brandon,...
and andrew and him were pretty nice today....
Chip got out of the shower and was flipping out about some.... felony thingy idk. Because I know exactly what he is talking about, and same with Andrew..... and we both tried telling him that its not as bad as he is making it sound.
Chip came out with my dad saying 'sorry man, we just had the last two beers' and than my dad came out and brought him candy, beer, $5 from me, a card signed by me andrew and my dad, and I think a subway card.
anyways, it pretty much made brandon cry! I almost cried lol.
anyways, my dad took them out to the bank, and they went out to like..... idk, downtown somewhere....
anyways.... my dad and I went out to get me some black shoes for work tomorrow.... my dad was all like 'I dont see why you took that job, I thought you were going to wait to get a better one' OMG!!! really? ugh, why'd I take it?
anyways.... we went to a few other places, and got my dad a grill. He had a rather hard time putting it together.... I think he has bad knees....
Than we ate, and he decided he wanted to watch Twilight.......
omg,... old memories.... too many old memories.
Oh, I also got pictures from klaa..... hated the ones of me though, so he took them down..... I hope he posts the other ones though.
Anyways, Im still watching Twilight.....
Its mother's day...... I dont feel like re-posting that thing,.... its in my other blog and myspace. lol I got my mom a lil spoon thingy :]
Day 45....
Note to self.... dont watch twilight 2 alone again.... its bad for you. lol
sometimes this movie is so lame and cheesy
Bass didnt answer his phone today.
I saw Jared for only 2 seconds today....
I wish I had a boy who'd wake me up every time I have a nightmare..... which is way too often.....
I hate how Jared is so close, yet, I feel like he is so far away from me all the time.
I also edited my profile a bit
its been a pretty good day......
Its Brandon's bday,....
I woke up and set some chocolate covered cookies next to brandon,...
and andrew and him were pretty nice today....
Chip got out of the shower and was flipping out about some.... felony thingy idk. Because I know exactly what he is talking about, and same with Andrew..... and we both tried telling him that its not as bad as he is making it sound.
Chip came out with my dad saying 'sorry man, we just had the last two beers' and than my dad came out and brought him candy, beer, $5 from me, a card signed by me andrew and my dad, and I think a subway card.
anyways, it pretty much made brandon cry! I almost cried lol.
anyways, my dad took them out to the bank, and they went out to like..... idk, downtown somewhere....
anyways.... my dad and I went out to get me some black shoes for work tomorrow.... my dad was all like 'I dont see why you took that job, I thought you were going to wait to get a better one' OMG!!! really? ugh, why'd I take it?
anyways.... we went to a few other places, and got my dad a grill. He had a rather hard time putting it together.... I think he has bad knees....
Than we ate, and he decided he wanted to watch Twilight.......
omg,... old memories.... too many old memories.
Oh, I also got pictures from klaa..... hated the ones of me though, so he took them down..... I hope he posts the other ones though.
Anyways, Im still watching Twilight.....
Its mother's day...... I dont feel like re-posting that thing,.... its in my other blog and myspace. lol I got my mom a lil spoon thingy :]
Day 45....
Note to self.... dont watch twilight 2 alone again.... its bad for you. lol
sometimes this movie is so lame and cheesy
Bass didnt answer his phone today.
I saw Jared for only 2 seconds today....
I wish I had a boy who'd wake me up every time I have a nightmare..... which is way too often.....
I hate how Jared is so close, yet, I feel like he is so far away from me all the time.
I also edited my profile a bit
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